Belief crisis

As readers on here probably know, over the past 28
years I have been doing a Sisyphean series of
attempts to magickally instigate a global new age.

In such attempts Goddess, who I define as the ruler
of the region all/everything, is the chair/moderator
and my most important collaborator.

In each attempt I generally get a series of Yes-es
but then after maybe one to three days, a big No.

I don’t have voices, but get my answers from Goddess
by perineum click (short period mula bandha)
divination, so I range through possible answers in
my mind and get a (silent) click after the supposedly
correct one.

But it has reached the point where I no longer believe
any answer I get from Goddess, though I have still
been going through the motions, and soon I will have
to go further and say I don’t believe in Goddess,
and perhaps seek an alternate chair/moderator, or
just do what I can on my own.

-- 
David Dalton [email protected] https://www.nfld.com/~dalton (home page)
https://www.nfld.com/~dalton/dtales.html Salmon on the Thorns (mystic page)
“Mary walks down to the water’s edge and there she hangs Her head to
find herself faded a shadow of what she once was" (Sarah McLachlan)