Psych 101

My psych told me recently, "I can't fix you".  Like I had a crack in my engine block.  However, she was was OK if I wanted to continue blowing $200 each fortnight to vent (paraphrased).  Then when I email to book an appointment, it's "Oh no not this week, actually not til the somethingth, I'm booked out" then "sorry it didn't work out".  Sorry it didn't work out? Wtf does that mean?  I guess I'm dumped.  Dumped by my sex worker and psych in the same month, how humiliating.   

She was fixated on my mother anyway.  I kept telling her, I've never had conflict with her, had no problem being with her and no problem leaving her.  I know exactly where I got fucked up and why, but it didn't fit her Freudian template. 

After 30 years of therapy, on and off, I've figured out what they could tell you in the first session, if they didn't want you to keep coming back.  Here, open your folders and write this down:

We all want to feel safe, and valued - when we don't feel safe we're anxious, when we don't feel valued, we're depressed.  Our underlying sense of who we are and how we fit is formed between about age 4 and 14, and if it comes up negative we spend the rest of our lives either internalising it and becoming increasingly neurotic, or manipulating people to simulate the feelings of value and safety, neither of which are successful.  Ultimately you can get safety and value from real love, but most of us will never experience that  because its success is based on how much you give, not how much you take.  It requires more work and generosity of spirit than most of us are willing to invest because we're too scared, weak and lazy.

To paraphrase, people suck. Especially you.  That'll be $200, thankyou.