Do you dislike others for your own traits?

I have a good friend name Jeannie. She is a wonderful woman with a huge hea=
rt. Her father married a woman who was selfish and exploitative, and she di=
d not like that woman. Then she attempted to make amends with her, and as s=
he did she told me something to the effect of that people don't like other =
people for the traits that they reject in themselves.

No, this is wrong. This is completely wrong. People like others for traits =
that they like, whether or not they have the same traits, and they dislike =
others for traits that they dislike, whether or not they have the same trai=
ts. Sure, Hitler and Stalin, who were enemies, had many things in common wi=
th one another. But most American soldiers who hated Hitler did not have ma=
ny qualities in common with him.

A similar claim is the Buddhist =E2=80=9Claw of attraction=E2=80=9D - that =
like attracts like. Likewise wrong. People attract different things and for=
 different reasons. Sometimes they attract people who are like themselves; =
sometimes they attract people who are not like themselves at all. The same =
person can attract terrible people and wonderful people within less than a =
month of one another. This would not be the case if the like attracts the l=
ike.

I have attracted both positive and negative attention from many people. Som=
e of these people were like one another, and some were not. I have attracte=
d the positive attention of a number of wonderful people. I have attracted =
the negative attention of a number of other people. I do not see much of a =
common thread that runs through both. Even among the people who hated me I =
have ended up seeing good traits. However they were in no way like the wome=
n whom I have loved.

Certainly there are times when people hate others for traits in themselves =
that they reject. But they may also hate others for traits that they have t=
hat they do not have at all. Jeannie is in no way like that woman. She is k=
ind, ethical and compassionate. She had every right to dislike the woman wh=
o played her father for a fool, and it had nothing to do with her own trait=
s. She never played anyone for a fool, and she never took advantage of anyo=
ne.

So it is important that this be clarified. Once again, sometimes people hat=
e others for traits that they reject in themselves; sometimes they hate oth=
er for traits that they do not have at all. It is not about self-reflection=
 or anything of the sort. It is about what you value as opposed to what you=
 do not value. And this is the case, once again, whether or not you have th=
e same traits yourself.