Newest Usenet Religious Kook Awards from Geaux Phuque Yore Sylph

In honor of their impending doom and punishment the Geaux Phuque Yore
Sylph Society is presenting a new class of Usenet kook awards:

            *~= Satanic Sophistry Kookware Prizes =~*

The Dickweed Dalton Dildo Award
    For most disconcerting and creepy religious pervert.
    Awarded with a dull sausage grinder and fingerless safety gloves.

The HarpDink Andrew Lord Arsefart Medical Malpractice Award
    For most imaginative intestinal assault and dietary suicide program.
    Awarded with a pink EZ-bake bread oven filled with spray foam.

The Moocky McLoon Messiah Pineapple Pooter Prize
    For the most unholey references to rape, scat, and anal reaming.
    Awarded with a tempest in a cracked, tin teapot.

The Jabberwocky Witless Jimbo White-Washtower Trophy
    For the most whitewashing of a religious cult rife with rape.
    Awarded with a tin can of white paint with the lid welded shut.

The Righteous Robbo Ragelet Angry Anathema Award
    For the most angry anathemas and coked curses against his enemies.
    Awarded with a open-bottomed brass spittoon.

The Mucky McUnlclean Award
    For turning any religious idea into a anal sex trope.
    Awarded with a 50-lb cast iron bed pan.

The Michael McHammed Jihad in a Worshtub Award
    For the only Jihadi worth the salt in his own piss, so not much.
    Awarded with a bottomless galvanized washtub.

The El Kabunghole Prize
    For excellence in ass-maggotry.
    Awarded with a bottle of Maalox spiked with pineapple schnapps.

Satan's sockpuppets have earned rewards such as these.

~~ Geaux Phuque Yore Sylph