Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Four

HarryLime wrote:
>> HarryLime wrote:
>>
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>>
>>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>>> DirtNap Dave:
>>>>
>>>> Originally known as "Brother Dave," he acquired the name "DirtNap" 
>>>> after Stinky George sent him to an early grave.
>>>>
>>>> Stinky George was a friend of Will's who had recently been evicted 
>>>> from the trailer he was renting.  Will Donkey solicited for 
>>>> donations at A.A.P.C. and was sent $50 by one of the group's members.
>>>>
>>>> When the money arrived, rather than passing it on to Stinky George, 
>>>> Will texted Stinky on his Obama phone and invited him out to steak 
>>>> dinner, along with Brother Dave.  When Stinky found out that the $50 
>>>> had been intended for him, he flipped out and attacked the Donkey 
>>>> Brothers with a metal rod.
>>>>
>>>> Brother Dave (being smaller) received the worst of the assault, 
>>>> having been repeatedly bashed in the head.
>>>>
>>>> He never fully recovered, and died two years later.*
>>>>
>>>> *There is some evidence, however, that Will Donkey may have 
>>>> contributed to DirtNap Dave's demise, as Will (who was living off of 
>>>> Dave's Disability check) would stick a lit cigarette in his 
>>>> invalided brother's mouth every 15 minutes or so.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Another popular bit of folklore involving Brother Dave concerns his 
>>> funeral service.
>>>
>>> Rather than go the traditional route, the Donkey family opted to 
>>> perform the ceremony themselves.
>>>
>>> Brother Dave was cremated (hopefully at an actual crematorium) and 
>>> his ashes placed in an empty mayonnaise jar.  The Donkey clan then 
>>> gathered on a mountaintop, took turns speaking with a microphone 
>>> about Brother Dave, then tossed his ashes off into the wind.
>>>
>>> According to the folklore Clay Dockery dropped the mayonnaise jar, 
>>> spilling the ashes all over the parking lot in the park where the 
>>> mountaintop was automobile accessible, and quickly scooped up a 
>>> jarful of dirt to take its place.
>>>
>>> Ellen Horny filmed the event on her ever-present Obama-phone, and 
>>> Ducky Mallard captured the highlights via photographs, copies of 
>>> which he offered online for $10 a pop.
>>>
>>> In what is perhaps the most interesting twist on the tale, Sarah 
>>> Donkeytits opened a GoFundMe account seeking donations for Brother 
>>> Dave's funeral.  Since the Donkeys performed the funeral services 
>>> themselves, one wonders what became of the money that she raised.
>>
>>
>>
>> The following image depicts the late night attack on the Donkey 
>> Brothers by a "blackout drunk" Stinky George.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here's what Will Dockery wrote:
> 
> "A person [George Sulzbach] came up on me with a metal bar of some kind, 
> and smashed me on the back with it, connecting with my elbow, sending 
> sparks of pain through my arm. I turned and shoved him, and he tumbled 
> to the ground, then scuttled into the shadows.
> 
> "My Brother Dave came charging up at him with a rake, and the maniac 
> [George Sulzbach] jumped out of the shadows and clocked him right in the 
> forehead with that metal pipe.
> 
> "Bip, put a pretty good smash to his forehead, causing some bleeding.
> 
> "The man [George Sulzbach] ran into his trailer and locked the door, 
> and, with daylight about an hour in the future, me and my brother just 
> left, to clean his wound and get some sleep..."
> 
> If one believes Will Donkey's eye-witness account, this piece of 
> folklore is based entirely on a real life event.
> 
>
Sounds like yet another person that wanted the Donkey to take a dirt nap.