Re: Bio

On Sunday, 5 May 2019 at 09:55:49 UTC-7, Offramp wrote:
> ADVICE FOR PEOPLE NEW TO CHESSGAMES.COM:=20
>=20
> If you think of posting at http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=
=3D44815,\=20
> Count to twelve, then permanently log off.=20
>=20
> *****\=20
> To all poor and distressed chess players,\=20
> Wherever they may be,\=20
> On the land, on the sea or in the air.\=20
> Wishing them a speedy relief from their afflictions,\=20
> And a safe return to their native land,\=20
> Should they so desire.\=20
> *****\=20
>=20
> <WARDEN:\=20
> Who are the big stars over there?=20
>=20
> MARK:\=20
> Oh man, let=E2=80=99s see =E2=80=A6 There=E2=80=99s Fagi Pinjinga, there=
=E2=80=99s Mapopoza Tonezepo =E2=80=A6 there=E2=80=99s Lyndon Kakambona, Wu=
wa-Bulolo Puliyasi, Wamp Kominika, Onguglo To=E2=80=99uluwa, Ezikiel Takaku=
, Wia Kemakeza, Ataban Tokurapai =E2=80=A6 And then of course there=E2=80=
=99s Offramp Tavanipupu =E2=80=94 you=E2=80=99ve probably heard of him, he=
=E2=80=99s, like, the biggest tetherball star in the world, and he=E2=80=99=
s also a really big pop star in the Solomon Islands, he=E2=80=99s kind of t=
he Leonard Cohen of Melanesia, I mean in addition to his tetherball =E2=80=
=94 I guess you=E2=80=99d say he=E2=80=99s like the Mike Tyson/Leonard Cohe=
n of Melanesia.=20
>=20
> WARDEN:\=20
> He actually sounds familiar. What is it =E2=80=94 Avram Topopovuni?=20
>=20
> MARK:\=20
> Offramp Tavanipupu. I=E2=80=99m sure you=E2=80=99ve run across articles a=
bout him in magazines. About how when he was a kid, he almost died from car=
bon monoxide poisoning huffing fumes from barbecue propane tanks, and how h=
e was later diagnosed with having a monoamine oxidase A deficiency =E2=80=
=94 what=E2=80=99s called a MAOA-deficiency =E2=80=94 which made him abnorm=
ally belligerent =E2=80=A6\=20
>=20
> WARDEN:\=20
> What made him abnormally belligerent, the deficiency or the diagnosis?\=
=20
>=20
> MARK:\=20
> Huh?\=20
>=20
> WARDEN:\=20
> Never mind.\=20
>=20
> MARK:\=20
> =E2=80=A6 so he was always in and out of reform schools and jails. But he=
 developed into this incredibly ferocious player. And then the year after h=
e won his first Ma Ling Masters, he was in a Koru=E2=80=99s Department Stor=
e, which is like the Bougainvillean equivalent of Sears, and he was buying =
a pair of maracas and the salesperson suggested that he purchase a service =
contract for the maracas, and Offramp very courteously declined =E2=80=94 h=
e=E2=80=99s normally a very soft-spoken, urbane person =E2=80=94 but the cl=
erk got increasingly aggressive about this service contract, and finally Of=
framp just lost it and bludgeoned him to death with the ceremonial war club=
 he always carries around with him.>\=20
> - Mark Leyner, The Tetherballs of Bougainville.=20
>=20
> https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d0/Ja-Godzilla.oga=20
>=20
> CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them=
."\=20
> - http://www.chessgames.com/perl/kibitzing?kid=3DG1873006&reply=3D11=20
>=20
> ColeTrane: "Offramp says a lot of garbage."\=20
> -=20
> http://www.chessgames.com/perl/kibitzing?kid=3DG1677645&reply=3D15=20
>=20
> Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-tr=
eated by a team of dedicated professionals."\=20
> - http://www.chessgames.com/perl/kibitzing?kid=3DG1875769&reply=3D12=20
>=20
> SirRuthless: "If you have a minute do a little research on King Leopold a=
nd his actions in the Belgian Congo. It's eye opening. Offramp chose that m=
onster as his avatar and it was no accident. Wonderful human being this <of=
framp> is."\=20
> -=20
> http://www.chessgames.com/perl/kibitzing?kid=3DT90303&reply=3D82=20
>=20
> SirRuthless: "Ahh it's Albert Pike, my mistake. Sorry about that <offramp=
>. I'll leave my posts up as a lesson to anyone else who makes a similar mi=
stake and a record of my error."\=20
> - http://www.chessgames.com/perl/kibitzing?kid=3DT90303&reply=3D88=20
>=20
> CARNIS AUTEM EST!=20
>=20
> "Are you one of the frightened?"=20
> - Boris Karloff=20
>=20
> Voted Worst Fanirmod 10 years in a row.=20
>=20
> Chess columnist of the <Weekly Northern Whig & Intelligencer>.=20
>=20
> I am a noted expert on http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chess.pl?tid=3D8843=
6 upon which I have written nine "Sch=C3=B6nographs": learned disquisitions=
 on that intriguing tournament. Available at www.lulu.com for $0.01 each.=
=20
>=20
> Lead singer and guitarist of the Norwegian black metal band Dementert Fre=
aks. Search for "I Wee-Wee On Your Jellyfish Sting."=20
>=20
> A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and tak=
e her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer pos=
t while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyr=
ocopter.=20
>=20
> I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National S=
ervice in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomb=
er. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Bishkek in Uzbekistan=
. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found o=
ut that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.=20
>=20
> I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of=
 Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia=
 and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Or=
ator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.=20
>=20
> I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES=
 BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Disc=
overy from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is availabl=
e at Lulu.com for =C2=A30.01p.=20
>=20
> I graduated from Lead City University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with=
 a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.=20
>=20
> I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap =
which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping=
 out of the crowd and handing it to him.=20
>=20
> My philosophy is this:=20
>=20
> Work like the ponies in coalmines.=20
> Dance like the teardrop explodes.=20
> Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.=20
> Play chess like you're desperate to lose.=20
>=20
> My favourite players of all time are:\=20
> 1 http://www.chessgames.com/player/frank_james_marshall.html\=20
> 2 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D21926\=20
> 3 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D10506\=20
> 4 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D16555\=20
> 5 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D53193\=20
> 6 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D16012\=20
> 7 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D47581\=20
> 8 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D19582\=20
> 9 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D10510\=20
> 10 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D10333\=20
> 11 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=3D58946.\=20
>=20
> My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.=20
>=20
> I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and =
Archer. In 2018 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. N=
orth France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a pet=
rol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.=20
>=20
> I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-cod=
e comics.
The Chessgames Challenge Simon Williams vs The World is now over after GM W=
illiams resigned after the winning shot 33. Congratulations to all who part=
icipated in this game and many thanks to GM Williams for being such a livel=
y and creative adversary. https://couponforless.com/coupon-category/board-g=
ames