Re: What I Learned About Socialism From Reddit

On 8/21/2026 10:44 AM, Wilson wrote:
> https://www.piratewires.com/p/what-i-learned-about-socialism-from
> 
> Say what you will about former chairman of the Chinese Communist Party 
> Mao Zedong, the dude bagged a lot of chicks.
> 
> Sure, he often did so while married, had to be treated for several 
> venereal diseases as a result, and started sleeping with a girl when she 
> was 14, but that’s beside the point — what’s important is the dude was a 
> magnet for hot Asian ass, with an alluring “start stripping or I’ll kill 
> your family” kind of charm, and while many of his people may have been 
> starving, the same can’t be said for homeboy in the bedroom. This makes 
> communism cool. Obviously.
> 
> Today, Mao’s horny spirit lives on in the form of Hasan Piker, avid 
> reader of the deceased dictator and macho poster boy of the DSA movement 
> sweeping across the country. As socialists currently attempt to convince 
> us they’re undergoing a “Woke 2” evolution — out with the Karen 
> aesthetics of a blue-haired chick screaming her pronouns, in with the 
> Chad aesthetics of a jacked straight guy calling for your assets to be 
> seized to fund third-world fraud — Hasan has become something of a 
> socialist brand ambassador, campaigning with DSA candidates everywhere 
> from Michigan to New York City.
> 
> Oh, and these candidates are winning, too. Not just elections, but also 
> the hearts and minds of young people. The question remains, though: what 
> do these ascendent socialists actually believe? And more importantly: 
> could understanding their ideology help me unlock the secret to becoming 
> an ultramasculine, commie pussy slayer like Hasan and Mao?
> 
> I decided to find out by going on Reddit, a website for people who 
> definitely have a lot of sex. There, a popular subreddit called “r/ 
> Socialism_101” teaches 76,000 weekly visitors the basics of the ideology 
> by “provid[ing] answers and tools for an early contact with socialist 
> thought,” while also redirecting many of its visitors to the work of 
> popular influencers like Hasan and the Marxist YouTuber Hakim.
> 
> A sample query found on the subreddit: how do I convince people I’m not 
> “jealous” of Ellon (sic) Musk? https://substack-post- 
> media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/10b672e6-d1f1-4420- 
> b983-5d7e99e5999e_1200x534.png
> 
> Following a thorough investigation, here’s what I discovered in my quest 
> to become an absolute virile f*ck machine learn more about a burgeoning 
> political movement in America.
> 
> I tried to begin my education with an open mind about socialism, but it 
> turns out, old assumptions are harder to shake than I expected. For 
> example: being the clueless idiot that I am, I assumed things like 
> “famines” that result in “high death counts” numbering in the “tens of 
> millions” were bad.
> 
> Thankfully, my first lesson in Socialism 101 dispensed with that silly 
> notion immediately — famines, I discovered, are simply a “gotcha” used 
> by normie libs to malign the good name of Saint Karl Marx.
> 
> https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5d1376fb- 
> eede-452a-a137-4f27fdafc3ed_1238x740.png
> 
> Clearly, there was much for me to learn. But if I wasn’t already 
> confused during our socialist history class, our socialist vocabulary 
> lesson would prove to be even more mystifying.
> 
> There, a fellow student asked: is it “ableist” to use words like 
> “stupid” and “crazy” while we go about our business liberating the 
> proletariat?
> 
> https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ 
> be0ab9ee-80f8-412f-9f8d-7c340e19a501_1252x496.png
> 
> ‘Lmao no you stupid Reddit idiot,’ was my first thought, followed by 
> ‘who cares, get to the part where we learn how to scoop up chicks.’ But 
> to my surprise, our socialist instructors preached patience, and agreed 
> with our comrade here that we must be careful with our words.
> 
> “I’d be in favor of pushing to get people to remove them from our 
> vocabulary,” explained one insightful socialist thought leader on the 
> subreddit. He (forgive me for gender-assuming, sensei) went on to add 
> that “misogyny-aligned” terms should be removed from our lexicon as 
> well, and that if we must resort to insults, we should use phrases that 
> “punch up instead of down.”
> 
> Some examples he lists: “Nepo baby,” “dick cheese”, or my personal 
> favorite, “anal fissure.”
> 
> I was now equipped with a quiver of new, socialist-approved, disability- 
> friendly insults to use the next time some dumb bitch — sorry, 
> “intellectually impaired anal fissure” — cuts me off in traffic.
> 
> But I wasn’t ready to start making like Mao just yet. In fact, my next 
> lesson would prove to completely upend everything I thought I knew about 
> this ideology.
> 
> You see folks, while socialists fight hard to “stand up for the 
> proletariat” by demanding the forced redistribution of wealth and 
> private property… it turns out, they don’t actually care about these 
> humble, everyday, blue-collar workers (lmao ok maybe this part wasn’t 
> actually that revealing).
> 
> Instead, many socialists today have grown “disillusioned” by the working 
> class — and precisely because of their aforementioned “ableist,” 
> “misogynistic” vocabulary and otherwise crass, chud-like mannerisms.
> 
> Case in point: another instructor by the name of “MinutePomegranate587” 
> told a story about a pair of construction workers who made fun of 
> Pomegranate’s tote bag, calling it a “purse.” This story and its many 
> helpful lessons are worth reposting below — not to demonstrate what an 
> out-of-touch dweeb Professor Pomegranate is, but so that you all may be 
> enlightened, as I have been, about what socialism today is really all 
> about:
> 
> 
>      "I need to vent, because I’m honestly vibrating with anxiety and 
> frustration right now.
> 
>      Like most of you, I identify as a socialist. I read theory, I 
> support unions, and I genuinely believe in dismantling capitalist 
> structures. But lately, I am finding it harder and harder to advocate 
> for the actual members of the working class, because, let’s be honest, 
> so many of them are completely steeped in toxic masculinity and 
> reactionary, anti-progressive attitudes.
> 
>      I was at the local café down the street from my apartment this 
> morning, trying to get some grading/reading done before logging into my 
> remote job. It was raining, so I had my umbrella. I also happen to carry 
> a canvas tote bag from my university’s literature department.
> 
>      Two construction workers in high-vis vests came in. They were 
> incredibly loud, taking up way too much physical space, and completely 
> ignoring the unspoken social contract of quiet morning spaces. I was 
> already feeling a bit overstimulated.
> 
>      As they walked past my table, one of them looked at my tote bag, 
> then at my umbrella, and said, entirely unprovoked, “Hey buddy, careful 
> with that umbrella, don’t want it getting caught on your purse.”
> 
>      It was a “joke,” I guess. “Playful” teasing. But it felt so deeply 
> coded in gender policing and fragile heteronormativity…
> 
>      How are we supposed to build solidarity with people who actively 
> despise our values? I’m starting to feel like the actual proletariat has 
> zero interest in progress. They don’t want a socialist utopia; they just 
> want to eat meat, drive giant trucks, and make fun of people who read 
> books."
> 
> 
> Powerful. All Pomegranate wanted to do was dismantle capitalist 
> structures from the comfort of his local cafe… and these meat-eating 
> brutes have the nerve to make a playful joke about a tote bag he got 
> from the university literature department? Needless to say, being a 
> socialist today is clearly a thankless endeavor (other than all the 
> pussy you get, of course).
> 
> While I still had a long way to go before becoming an expert on the 
> subject, my time spent on r/Socialism_101 — one of the most popular 
> socialist think spaces on the internet, where many more (insane) lessons 
> like the ones shared above are posted by a steady stream of Redditors on 
> a daily basis — had at least given me a cursory understanding of the 
> nature and laws governing socialist thought today. This includes: mass 
> starvation isn’t that bad, using the word “dumb” is ableist, and the 
> “proletariat” we claim to be fighting for actually kinda suck.
> 
> After a careful review of my notes, and a few spritzes of cologne on my 
> Che Guevara T-shirt and literature department tote bag, it was time to 
> head to the local dive bar full of working-class, meathead idiots and 
> put my socialist rizz to the test:
> 
> ‘Sup bitches — I mean, uh, heteronormative cisgendered birthing persons 
> — are we in one of those fake, overblown famines or do you always look 
> that fit?’
> 
> — Riley Nork
> 
Arrest that man! He posted something rude on the internet!