Re: What I Learned About Socialism From Reddit

At Fri, 21 Aug 2026 13:44:27 -0400, Wilson <[email protected]>
wrote:

> https://www.piratewires.com/p/what-i-learned-about-socialism-from
>
> Say what you will about former chairman of the Chinese Communist Party 
> Mao Zedong, the dude bagged a lot of chicks.
>
> Sure, he often did so while married, had to be treated for several
> venereal diseases as a result, and started sleeping with a girl when
> she was 14, but that’s beside the point — what’s important is the
> dude was a magnet for hot Asian ass, with an alluring “start
> stripping or I’ll kill your family” kind of charm, and while many of
> his people may have been starving, the same can’t be said for homeboy
> in the bedroom. This makes communism cool. Obviously.
>
> Today, Mao’s horny spirit lives on in the form of Hasan Piker, avid
> reader of the deceased dictator and macho poster boy of the DSA
> movement sweeping across the country. As socialists currently attempt
> to convince us they’re undergoing a “Woke 2” evolution — out with the
> Karen aesthetics of a blue-haired chick screaming her pronouns, in
> with the Chad aesthetics of a jacked straight guy calling for your
> assets to be seized to fund third-world fraud — Hasan has become
> something of a socialist brand ambassador, campaigning with DSA
> candidates everywhere from Michigan to New York City.
>
> Oh, and these candidates are winning, too. Not just elections, but
> also the hearts and minds of young people. The question remains,
> though: what do these ascendent socialists actually believe? And more
> importantly: could understanding their ideology help me unlock the
> secret to becoming an ultramasculine, commie pussy slayer like Hasan
> and Mao?
>
> I decided to find out by going on Reddit, a website for people who 
> definitely have a lot of sex. There, a popular subreddit called 
> “r/Socialism_101” teaches 76,000 weekly visitors the basics of the 
> ideology by “provid[ing] answers and tools for an early contact with 
> socialist thought,” while also redirecting many of its visitors to the 
> work of popular influencers like Hasan and the Marxist YouTuber Hakim.
>
> A sample query found on the subreddit: how do I convince people I’m
> not “jealous” of Ellon (sic) Musk?
> https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/10b672e6-d1f1-4420-b983-5d7e99e5999e_1200x534.png
>
> Following a thorough investigation, here’s what I discovered in my
> quest to become an absolute virile f*ck machine learn more about a
> burgeoning political movement in America.
>
> I tried to begin my education with an open mind about socialism, but
> it turns out, old assumptions are harder to shake than I expected.
> For example: being the clueless idiot that I am, I assumed things
> like “famines” that result in “high death counts” numbering in the
> “tens of millions” were bad.
>
> Thankfully, my first lesson in Socialism 101 dispensed with that silly 
> notion immediately — famines, I discovered, are simply a “gotcha” used 
> by normie libs to malign the good name of Saint Karl Marx.
>
> https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5d1376fb-eede-452a-a137-4f27fdafc3ed_1238x740.png
>
> Clearly, there was much for me to learn. But if I wasn’t already 
> confused during our socialist history class, our socialist vocabulary 
> lesson would prove to be even more mystifying.
>
> There, a fellow student asked: is it “ableist” to use words like 
> “stupid” and “crazy” while we go about our business liberating the 
> proletariat?
>
> https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/be0ab9ee-80f8-412f-9f8d-7c340e19a501_1252x496.png
>
> ‘Lmao no you stupid Reddit idiot,’ was my first thought, followed by
> ‘who cares, get to the part where we learn how to scoop up chicks.’
> But to my surprise, our socialist instructors preached patience, and
> agreed with our comrade here that we must be careful with our words.
>
> “I’d be in favor of pushing to get people to remove them from our
> vocabulary,” explained one insightful socialist thought leader on the
> subreddit. He (forgive me for gender-assuming, sensei) went on to add
> that “misogyny-aligned” terms should be removed from our lexicon as
> well, and that if we must resort to insults, we should use phrases
> that “punch up instead of down.”
>
> Some examples he lists: “Nepo baby,” “dick cheese”, or my personal 
> favorite, “anal fissure.”
>
> I was now equipped with a quiver of new, socialist-approved,
> disability-friendly insults to use the next time some dumb bitch —
> sorry, “intellectually impaired anal fissure” — cuts me off in
> traffic.
>
> But I wasn’t ready to start making like Mao just yet. In fact, my
> next lesson would prove to completely upend everything I thought I
> knew about this ideology.
>
> You see folks, while socialists fight hard to “stand up for the 
> proletariat” by demanding the forced redistribution of wealth and 
> private property… it turns out, they don’t actually care about these 
> humble, everyday, blue-collar workers (lmao ok maybe this part wasn’t 
> actually that revealing).
>
> Instead, many socialists today have grown “disillusioned” by the
> working class — and precisely because of their aforementioned
> “ableist,” “misogynistic” vocabulary and otherwise crass, chud-like
> mannerisms.
>
> Case in point: another instructor by the name of
> “MinutePomegranate587” told a story about a pair of construction
> workers who made fun of Pomegranate’s tote bag, calling it a “purse.”
> This story and its many helpful lessons are worth reposting below —
> not to demonstrate what an out-of-touch dweeb Professor Pomegranate
> is, but so that you all may be enlightened, as I have been, about
> what socialism today is really all about:
>
>
>      "I need to vent, because I’m honestly vibrating with anxiety and 
> frustration right now.
>
>      Like most of you, I identify as a socialist. I read theory, I 
> support unions, and I genuinely believe in dismantling capitalist 
> structures. But lately, I am finding it harder and harder to advocate 
> for the actual members of the working class, because, let’s be honest, 
> so many of them are completely steeped in toxic masculinity and 
> reactionary, anti-progressive attitudes.
>
>      I was at the local café down the street from my apartment this 
> morning, trying to get some grading/reading done before logging into
> my remote job. It was raining, so I had my umbrella. I also happen to
> carry a canvas tote bag from my university’s literature department.
>
>      Two construction workers in high-vis vests came in. They were 
> incredibly loud, taking up way too much physical space, and completely 
> ignoring the unspoken social contract of quiet morning spaces. I was 
> already feeling a bit overstimulated.
>
>      As they walked past my table, one of them looked at my tote bag, 
> then at my umbrella, and said, entirely unprovoked, “Hey buddy,
> careful with that umbrella, don’t want it getting caught on your
> purse.”
>
>      It was a “joke,” I guess. “Playful” teasing. But it felt so
>      deeply
> coded in gender policing and fragile heteronormativity…
>
>      How are we supposed to build solidarity with people who actively 
> despise our values? I’m starting to feel like the actual proletariat
> has zero interest in progress. They don’t want a socialist utopia;
> they just want to eat meat, drive giant trucks, and make fun of
> people who read books."
>
>
> Powerful. All Pomegranate wanted to do was dismantle capitalist 
> structures from the comfort of his local cafe… and these meat-eating 
> brutes have the nerve to make a playful joke about a tote bag he got 
> from the university literature department? Needless to say, being a 
> socialist today is clearly a thankless endeavor (other than all the 
> pussy you get, of course).
>
> While I still had a long way to go before becoming an expert on the
> subject, my time spent on r/Socialism_101 — one of the most popular
> socialist think spaces on the internet, where many more (insane)
> lessons like the ones shared above are posted by a steady stream of
> Redditors on a daily basis — had at least given me a cursory
> understanding of the nature and laws governing socialist thought
> today. This includes: mass starvation isn’t that bad, using the word
> “dumb” is ableist, and the “proletariat” we claim to be fighting for
> actually kinda suck.
>
> After a careful review of my notes, and a few spritzes of cologne on
> my Che Guevara T-shirt and literature department tote bag, it was
> time to head to the local dive bar full of working-class, meathead
> idiots and put my socialist rizz to the test:
>
> ‘Sup bitches — I mean, uh, heteronormative cisgendered birthing
> persons — are we in one of those fake, overblown famines or do you
> always look that fit?’
>
> — Riley Nork

tl;dr

I will point out, though, that farm bills and military
overspending -- as well as corn and oil subsidies -- could be
cut back, leaving room for a universal allowance for Joe 
Everyman.

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