Poems: 121020 - October 12th, 2020

111020A
------------ 

That is not the way
nor was it ever 
how it used to be 
but what I know 
you don't remember. 

You are not to listen
and I am not to tell
but they keep us apart 
at different terminals 
fearing a spark. 

They always take 
whatever is left
taking the best first
and leaving the worst 
to the very end. 

That is progress, baby
where you have no time
to give me 
and I can't ever have any
time for you. 

We chased dreams
that all got away 
through thick and fast
of running for good times
seemed sure to follow. 

It was never that way
being make believe
in someone else's ideals 
as to how to fool us 
into thinking we could. 

Where are we now 
gone long way past
loose ends of gathering 
everyone crossed off
from remembering. 

I didn't know 
that I didn't know 
whatever it was 
that you probably knew 
but would never tell me. 

I had no idea 
how all that distance
comes hard between 
the hopes and facts 
of torn apart beginning. 

There is no real love 
in this world 
but sometimes you can
get some of something 
that you must desire. 

It was never me 
you were allowed to want
in having failed to find
the seals of approval 
on any of these parts. 

In a land of luck
the lucky are someone
that you once saw 
pasted to billboards 
and starring on screens 

Your personal brand
is nothing of your own
and only a product line 
comes from a maker 
who does the recalls. 

Keep it on lay away 
until it spoils 
into another excuse
of toss out anything
claimed bitter and tasteless. 

Simply another cut 
along the same old lines 
of whatever popular style 
wipes everything out 
from any real consideration. 

-----------------------------------

121020A
------------ 

Someone bought you 
and I know you wanted 
to be on and off a rack
same as any other rag 
showing off a doll's face. 

A typical crush 
of soft up under hard 
made so willing to flutter 
from black velvet spasms
into bared wind gusts.

Anything at all 
that I could never give you
from the long list 
of everyone's best wishes 


All that I hear of 
chanced to being the dead 
gone over and out 
in various arrangements 
of having left me. 

You joined the many 
who all crossed over 
that crowded bridge 
that I cannot cross 
to reach any side. 

It is always too late 
for us to meet 
as anything that matters
in this ghosted world 
of the passing through. 

They had a better time
and I hear say 
that you did too
leaving me to pretend
that everything is alright. 

------------------------------ 

121020B
------------ 

The falsified opportunities 
that get us excited 
slaughter enthusiasm 
reaping harvests of misery
beaten about anything 
fallen to the threshing floor. 

The pick of sides 
takes everyone away 
along the led to believe 
rumours of winnings 
made to follow crumbs
into Minotaur clutches. 

We are consumed 
in the playing out 
of our feeble attempts 
at might have been 
almost tasted freedoms
turned snatch away. 

A corn stalked maze 
takes us to dark places
of knowing nothing 
and it would take too long 
to find any way out
from that many losses. 

We flail hopeless about 
trying to get something 
from the husks of selves
that we have become 
grappling broken straws
of would have been chance. 

An emptied sky 
streaks our loneliness 
across glass walled spaces
kept to forever motions 
striving at avoidance 
of feeling anything more. 

Easy to get caught up
into emotional moments 
seen as too weak 
in that perpetual bending 
and swaying of it all 
until the sky comes down. 

Drench soak of news 
and none of it good 
resulting in time spent 
doing true and false 
surveys and questionnaires
looking for what went wrong. 

Any personals cancelled 
off from any calendar 
leaving nothing much
except clean outs  
of hopes from hideaways
stashed in various corners.

Everything made sharp
in this dulled down time 
of keep it all to yourself 
knowing no one 
really wants anything 
that is your own to offer. 

Whatever you made 
was never enough 
and all they ever counted
was the big difference
creating dividing lines 
that make it all unequal. 

If I had known 
about how it goes 
I might have drowned 
in that knowledge 
pulled under and out 
before anything began. 

---------------------------- 

121020C
------------ 

We do not have anything 
\that we used to have 
which was only a little 
and not very much 
past some token gestures. 

That included eye contact 
and other deviations
from total estrangements
leading to cause and effect 
sorts of stray conclusions. 

There is no truth 
as to the signatures 
on any permission slips
shown to hall monitors 
watching for our cravings. 

If I dare to want you 
you will never want me 
and then turn it around 
an infinite number of times 
to the very same facts. 

Risks are always there
as to being called in 
to that place of punishments 
where no one is innocent 
and there are no explanations. 

These are cruel times 
making questions fearful
and  answers terrified
while feeling hard pressed
to maintain monologues. 

I was never that much 
of a public speaker 
spreading myself out 
the way marmalade spreads
on fresh buttered bread. 

Find something to say 
that affirms a semblance  
to anything individual   
but attractively packaged 
as if personal existence. 

It does not leave much 
that you might buy into 
after examining labels 
and fingering price tags
on a final sale bargain. 

The make largely unknown
it functions poorly, if at all
compared to newer designs
and being too much mystery 
coming with no user manuals. 

No guarantees 
that it won't break down 
and there is no one left
to actually take it back 
in case of consumer discontent. 

There are easier ways 
than playing around 
with what might be nothing 
more than a stuffed toy 
that splits at its seams. 

Reality is always savage
and extremely brutal 
hitting between the eyes 
in the same region 
that lobotomists aim for. 

Whatever I could do 
never caught your interests 
even on a few times 
when it drew crowds 
of hoped to be taken prisoner. 

I never imagined 
it could ever come to this 
long a slow climb  
to end at this far down 
from ever having started. 

It no longer matters
what anyone waited for 
after that many times 
sold on disappointments 
and forming long lines. 

The tears we leak out
are uncomfortable spots
of wet betrayal
threatening to seep in
and wash out lives.

Sad times of never 
could ever make happen 
from any fringe sides
of endless longings 
on a flip side of lost. 

Letters to the Easter Bunny
and to Santa Claus 
might have got answers 
but never any of the words
I would have given to you. 

---------------------------------      

Some heavy stuff in there somewhere. Be careful it does not fall on you, because if it does it might crush you.