Poems: 220921 - September 22nd, 2021

160921A
-----------=20

Misery of flesh=20
and misery of water=20
if she were here
her beauty=20
could turn it to wine.=20

She was a miracle
with a high price tag
constructed from pieces
of whatever it was
that was now popular.=20

Can't find anything=20
of the old religion
don't understand=20
any of the new=20
don't want the truth.=20

Had that before=20
and it was the truth
that wasn't really true=20
but everyone believed it
served their purpose.=20

Too many brushes
with too much death=20
been so hard to wash
the war paint off=20
streaked rainbow shades.=20

Only another category=20
pretends at wanted=20
but never really in=20
on that competition=20
of segregated shades.=20

Colour never matters
it is all black and white=20
when it goes into print=20
adding a few stories
to a comic book life.=20

Nothing really exists=20
that you don't have to fight
for or against=20
but everyone wants to win
at something or other.=20

It isn't anything=20
anyone ever said=20
but it always goes
without the saying=20
to another sort of alone.=20

This isn't happiness=20
this isn't death=20
not knowing anything=20
that the others know=20
when it gets pulled down.=20

Down it all goes
and you fall away=20
not wanting any more
of nothing happening=20
and nothing left to say.=20

----------------------------=20

170921A
------------=20

Just another piece=20
that can play no part
in the big puzzle.=20

Thought it a wild card
but it doesn't fit=20
anywhere, anyhow.=20

The misled misdeal =20
of all those years=20
turned to penny ante.=20

No winning hand=20
and not in any game=20
I wanted to play.=20

The swept aside=20
and the swept up=20
clouded grit and dust.=20

I confess I wanted
for some better options
same as anyone else.=20

Watching the worst=20
get the best
of any estimations.=20

It is a different idea=20
how some play=20
favourite pastimes.=20

Strange how it turns
nothing to choose=20
sight lines of fancy. =20

There is no exchange=20
of the right looks
with the right eyes.=20

Gaze into void=20
travels with you=20
whenever, wherever.=20

No getting in on it
and no getting away=20
from it.=20

-------------------------

170921B
------------=20

Don't look to me=20
in that cruel blaming way :
I don't want to save you.=20

You can go now=20
and I won't be keeping you=20
from selecting an ending.=20

I had nothing to do=20
with filling in slots=20
in the vending machines.=20

You can push a button
and it will dispense=20
your personal selection.=20

We leave saving worlds
to a few official saviours=20
who can then take the blame.=20

Don't call on me=20
I never could be=20
and never was your hero.=20

No one really saved anything
of any of the good things=20
that have all gone away.=20

The ones that I really liked
were never constructed=20
to last any length of time.=20

Someone else responsible
for burying them=20
though I am still weeping.=20

I didn't really want=20
to be nothing but a part=20
of their final ceremonies.=20

So much that was fragile=20
that I wanted to keep=20
before it became broken.=20

Perhaps there were pieces
ending gathered up=20
by professional saviours.=20

Don't blame me=20
that I was never really=20
any part of that plan.=20

------------------------ =20

180921A
------------ =20

You walk around=20
made as invisible=20
as what stands behind=20
an illuminated billboard.=20

It is that flashy bit=20
that gets in the way=20
same as a slow motion=20
sort of fatality.=20

You crash a party=20
around the Chalk Circle=20
trying to collect and decipher
your own clues.=20

Having no control=20
over the messages sent
but you can put blame
on a face or a wardrobe.=20

How to find any sway
to ransom yourself=20
from kidnappers=20
who hold you hostage.=20

If only you knew how=20
to merch yourself out=20
the way rock stars do it
into vintage memorabilia.=20

You don't really know=20
what the right swag is=20
or what rules to break=20
in order to become famous.=20

Same as it ever was=20
would be the litany
in an endless succession=20
of escalating demands.=20

It costs more now
than you ever imagined=20
and the skill testing question
has already timed out.=20

It isn't your name=20
that is in that envelope=20
where they draw names
of winning contestants.=20

It seems you never won
at anything really=20
and the only ones loved
are in fact winners.=20

Cannot start a conversation
being left out=20
on someone's far margin=20
and maybe it is too late.=20

Life is that chemistry=20
labelled endlessly=20
toxic, corrosive, reactive=20
and lacking real substance.=20

Substance seems everything=20
if you happen to have=20
the right substances=20
you too can be popular.=20

We are only chemistry=20
unable to formulate=20
real chemical bonds=20
to keep anything together.=20

--------------------------------=20

210921A
------------=20

A hatred of dreaming=20
comes from the fact
there is never anyone there
whom one really wants=20
to know or make love to.=20

Dreams are no longer=20
something made for us=20
but only discontent=20
bringing chagrin=20
of dead possibilities.=20

No one comes that close =20
with their eyes closed=20
that it would be anything
more than passes
at street corners.=20

Concrete times=20
spreads out pages=20
slab, post, connected lines
broken thousands=20
of repeating spaces.

An ancient compositor=20
that laid down the type
face of the universe
before final copy=20
went to print.=20

Stories of never tell=20
and secret show boats
drifting waters =20
of the never know=20
by invitations only.=20

What will anyone think
about the gone over
into the strange=20
where the pain dwells=20
outside the ending.

Roll up those windows=20
lock those doors=20
at the junction lights=20
avoiding of pan handlers
and sales pitch whores.=20

Knee jerk reactions=20
evasively usual species
common contaminants=20
strategic placements
for maximizing fear.=20

Freedoms changed
to terror of something
becoming lost=20
never found again=20
and never the same.=20

Identical ice=20
that no one breaks
circulating naughty=20
letters to plastic Santas
at the melt away poles.

Rock candy colours=20
clown the salty=20
sand licks of beached
combing out the long
high tide markers.=20

No way to reconcile
with the elements=20
and the four quarters
endlessly pulling=20
everything apart.=20

You stretched me=20
until I fractured=20
along the vertical=20
and the horizontal=20
modes of hold.=20

--------------------

220921A
-----------

You're another wreck=20
that never came in=20
from what's gone cold=20
and it is all gone cold=20
every way it shakes.=20

Another tremor=20
in another shake up=20
makes demands
for too much faith
in losing propositions.=20

My eyes are melting=20
the way they melt
remnants of icicle=20
life loosely passing=20
as maybe lived.=20

They teach goodbye=20
until we forget=20
how to say hello=20
being only numbers
too easily erased
from consideration.=20

Tick mark self=20
identifies our confines
into little boxes=20
becoming whatever=20
we choose to betray.=20

Authenticity becomes
another frail pretense=20
at scavenging=20
some additional means
of attraction.=20

Some silly words
no one believes
until shots are fired
and something falls
from a bloodied sky.=20

Vestigial wings=20
inside a skin bag=20
never got as far=20
as a pluck of feathers
strewn pillow fight.=20

Flutter sticks=20
trying for the Moon
find she is gone=20
to another slice
another time.=20

Friends you thought
looking up
weren't really yours
but you collected them
as contraband.=20

Smuggled yourself
through a few doors=20
as if belonging=20
the way a stunt actor=20
plays a star's role.=20

Tried to sell=20
yourself to anything
black marketing
a lemonade stand=20
deranged state of mind.=20

Wasn't more real
when you fell out
than when you fell in
catch yourself hooked
lines and sinkers.=20

Need various permits
to come and go=20
seedy and soured
in that last suit=20
from the last tailor.=20

Those hollow places
you can never fill=20
with the came and went
made impressions
as a footprint does.=20

I'm not the sort of face
you tend to remember=20
and you're the sort of name=20
I very soon forget=20
makes up the tune of it.=20

----------------------------=20

220921B
------------=20

Ironed myself out
pressing creases=20
along the folds=20
of a discard flesh.=20

Inserted stiffeners=20
applying a celluloid=20
rigid sort of collar=20
button down life.=20

A turn for the worse=20
and no magic bullet
that can assassinate
any desires.=20

Now you tell me
you don't want
a once mechanical
working stiff.=20

Various neck ties
serving as tourniquets
stopping fantasies
from bleeding out. =20

Pencils were once=20
stubby phallic symbols
sharpened in a hole
and needed to be pushed.

Becomes obsolescence=20
technically replaced
by rubber toys=20
made more efficient.=20

Rusted arms=20
dangling from sockets
propped up=20
in the display case.=20

The feelings gone=20
from extremities=20
due to the duration
of prolonged misuse.=20

A museum piece=20
labelled frustration
in a controlled climate=20
of continual change.=20

I wanted to be
the fragile girl=20
who only dances=20
with the other girls.

The small bulges=20
of breasts nippled=20
with cravings
for softer promises.=20

A  sweet soft=20
minded confection
giving up
all the hard moves.=20

I wanted to escape=20
the cold hard facts
of being a prisoner
to my anatomy.=20

-------------------


We live in countless different prisons, of varying sorts, that we can never=
 escape. Some of them we try to build, and even sometimes succeed in buildi=
ng to escape others. Some are more successful at that than others, and some=
 are never really successful at it at all. Most of what we tend to do are e=
scape attempts. The attempts to gain the experience of what we cannot exper=
ience. The attempts to know what we cannot really know. The attempts to hav=
e a chance to do what we cannot ever really do. Countless different escape =
attempts all defiant of our horrifying limitations. We even write on our wa=
lls the way the Marquis de Sade wrote on his.  Of course we can imagine, us=
ing our incredible imaginations, what our own personal freedom could really=
 be like. That too imprisons us because imagining anything is another priso=
n that we then try to break out of, so as to know a reality.  A reality we =
might never actually have any chance to actually know.