Poems: 270623 - June 27th, 2023
Robert Morpheal <[email protected]> Tue, 27 Jun 2023 07:38:30 -0700 (PDT)
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140623A ----------- We invent end games to rival our beginnings in the undergrowth that becomes overgrowth to conceal the darkness. We conceal more and more with whatever we reveal trying to hide away the burden of our revelations as to growth of our discontent. Few have the imagination as to practical alternatives all proving equally impossible but leaving a parade mustered and marching through. They do not know where they are going or came from but it is a concerted action that fills the emptiness in incomprehensible ways. The way sex sometimes fills an otherwise empty place in that private compartment along the rattle and bump defining of common journeys. You wanted much more but they always gave you less than what you needed to make to buy your way out from another slow kind of death. Putting nothing back in where they take it out of you and take it out on you until you cannot look forward and there is nothing behind you. There is no way to stop the turn over and over when you are on that roll over and over and over again as a Jack or a Jill going down. Take your broken crown knowing there is no mending of those fractured trinkets once seemed wisdom's gems but only mocked the sparkle. What to actually do with life's trash filled bowers when the dance has ended as a maze of pointless steps never discovering any destiny. Destiny that is something more than the same steps reproduced in a faith filled and faithful way that never questions any such belief in gametes of meaning. We hold on to whatever it is the winds would blow away from a stunted too short reach becoming as crumpled up as is yesterday's news. We are folded completely up into our own wrinkles our paper thin skins stamped with various processing marks as to what we have been through. ---------------------------------------- 140623B ----------- Those were the days back then when it seemed there really was somewhere to be gone to gave an illusion of difference in a context of all possible worlds. Then taken and gone away there is that variant of purgatory past a bluff and dragged down where every gesture is a vague flail toward impossible haunts. Joined to no more than ghosts dweller in death's dream kingdoms offered vain solace to closed eyes tormented by lack of substance that slices everything away. Oh, what would have been done if apportioned means and ways for the sake of plans and doings before the light was snuffed out or boredom made its imbeciles. Having no business with any plague ridden festering ideas burst as infected shudders in perpetually fevered conditions that are neither dead nor alive. The brain being eaten at by a pressing sense of emptiness where the passing have thrown in their discards and trash toward a gradual decomposition. Trying to fill in fragments of time with many a worthless salve invariably fails as curative physicians ignorant of answers and perceiving no actual malady. The normal condition being worse than the various exceptions that they say can all be treated and sometimes actually cured back into the normal condition. What malingering state brings such profound discontent cleaving whatever soul might be from any possibilities of moorings as if lost to all sense of harbouring. A stranded sense of being that finds itself on no actual map as to anywhere or any-when but left to that sort of wandering that knows of nowhere left to go. ---------------------------------------- 140623C ----------- Sugar drips of syrup sun into pools of hungry blue bounce of sky feathers on the touch and go waters. A blush on the dimple pool blazes in a bright of eye along the chatterbox stream meanders in merriment. A rustle among brittle reeds announces a solitude causes a flutter of cries turned to scatter winged. Dropping their burdens in spates of hurry down necks of pillow cases adrift on verge of blankets. Feather dust fronds waving watery edge of morning slippery in the wind chimes whispering wild flowers. --------------------------------- 140623D ----------- That faded out worn away look that gazes out into an expanse of nothing that would break the monotony. We have no actual business to enliven the bland repast creates the strained void cluttered with trivial afflictions. A merely affected thing bereft of true foundation too poorly built for any stand that offers any real defence. Everything being defended in various trivial absurd ways from both the imaginary and real threats announced and announcing. Romance is not what it seems but only for the curious and someone's passing fancy outside any deeper meanings. Mere vagrant tastings then spoil delicate fare of morsels that are nothing there but whispers of failed dreamings. Perhaps for the successful haunts of hallowed halls but not for one always outside all those mighty bolted doors. A world for the winners and not anything for fools who only know the jest but never any truer substance. With nothing to open up and nothing to do with any beyond trivial comments about the most trivial things. Silence takes hold as though a scold upon lips bridling remnants of empty hopes and other futile schemes. What point to speak anymore concerning the impossible and nothing else worth saying concerning truth in meaning. Truly nothing to be done related to worth that matters makes all a foolish show rivals the ado about nothing. Movers and shakers know what one knows naught and there is no pilot to be found to navigate perpetual dark. There is nothing sublime in feeling so outside solace while the victors celebrate their ways to the spoils. Leaves nothing to occupy and even less to absorb cruel passages of squalid time ravaging remains. ---------------------- 140623E ----------- Life makes its demands and I cannot give answer in what remains unknown as to all the tallies up and all the various measures. Knowing no deep truths about any such grave matters as what is given up on in not even a prayer's chance beyond a shovel full of dirt. Nothing was ever fixed up nor was it ever arranged as anything more than grieving estrangements and changes provident of illusory futures. We prefer to believe differently and particularly about each other beguiling ourselves with inferences to pure chance being kindness somehow directed and orchestrated. One builds private monuments to those sorts of tragedies knowing no recompense and bereft of opportunities to evade the too empty. ---------------------------- 150623A ----------- Puttering with insignificance as though it can be repaired in some make shift crude way. The make do sort of rigging that prevails in rough edged renderings of crippled times. Tie yourself up and rope in for the inevitable rough ride that is taking you nowhere. Knowing no one will take you that you can stand a presence of if you cannot take yourself. For the sake of getting there on an inevitable Rube Goldberg trying to imitate creation. Between the crude and the vulgar try to make a bit of space finding no pull or push that way. Being somewhere in the middle but what they give you is the same painted into corners of short ends. Your constantly fierce incentive to attempt and do the impossible seeing that as a way out of suffering. An unshakable up against it feeling in the thick and thin of what takes whatever you do not really have. Everything is always borrowed and if you do not wear it out someone else will make use of it. ----------------------------------------- 150623B ----------- Do not know if it means anything more than a jumble of patterns rearranged and read into because we want something and we demand it from them. How often do we really know what we really want in the not having any of it yet and knowing it is there hiding beneath the surface. There is the animal inside that wants to dig it out the way we dig splinters out from under the skin easing that persistent irritation. The way dogs dig holes throughout the entire yard mysteriously uncovering and variously burying instances of acquired meaning. We bury those who have died along with some of the living covering over with the dirt passes as a type of soil where existence is rooted. History is a mound of dirt where we imagine we can keep something we fear to lose that is mostly lost to us already between cruel pitches. Try to wash the dirt off hands entirely stained with it while trying to uncover something in a sifting out of values among various valuables. A persistence in the need that needs to find something deeply buried somewhere and sometimes that takes it from the clutches of the dead. We are the grave robbers who are scratching and clawing at the reluctant ground in our unrelenting efforts to try to dig up a future. ----------------------------- 160623A ----------- Being a victim of the voices that are in other people's heads it really does not matter what you choose to say or do. It becomes nothing more than the absolute futility of a carefully phrased question or a well considered argument. Latest spin dry version of a severely pressed and folded laundromat brain tossed in to a clothes basket. Thought you could iron it out as to whatever it was before they bit into you in a mad dog sort of way. You become their chew toy carrying the impressions that say that you were friends once or at least it seemed that way. Knowing they would crack you open right down to the bones to get any marrow out from what you thought secure. They do not leave anything beyond that tragic realization that you came to the wrong door for anything you came for. It does not matter to them that there were no other doors that you could actually come to along that particular way. You have to stop somewhere but that will never take you anywhere you wanted to go and the other lines are down. ----------------------------------- 160623B ----------- Never hear from anyone anymore who lives in my little town but truth is I have been there before and it is the same as returning after having been away a long time. It makes one so much more aware concerning all of the many changes that have chanced their intercession between any then and any now dangles from that thinnest thread. As if the ownership has changed away from anyone I used to know of and what was once made familiar has somehow passed away leaving conditions of estrangement. The points and ports of entry have all been closed long since and no effort or means to open them would make any actual difference as to long lost kitchen parties. Whatever was once there having long since been emptied out in all the various and many ways that contrive to create emptiness then turning it to unaffordable. A vague feeling of discomfort that accompanies the unfamiliar knowing the signs are wrong and the map is inadequate as to being any sort of actual guide. An uneasy feeling of having lingered far too long in some particular place where a stranger is never welcome and you are less and less familiar despite being kept waiting. That was never the planned visit but it is where the journey took you and if I had known of that I would have refused to go near to that sort of shuttered place. ------------------------------------ 260623A ----------- They will keep you waiting until you run entirely short and out the way an idled engine runs out from whatever fuels its enthusiasm. Sometimes there are appended parts that remain in some type of motion despite the break down that has seized up any purpose. It is that sort of restraint becomes the customary condition ruins vain hopes of any progress beyond a perpetual exhaustion. A throttle of drive until worn out and having only gods to blame if keeping a civil and polite tongue concerning any manner of adversity. That sort of lingering pass over and a persistent illusion of something more than merely to pass on in the passages of failed anticipations. There never was anything there but that too takes too long to prove the way consumption gradually proves the condition of its victim. Ample opportunities to waste away being doctored into maladies that are common and preferred so as to not die quite so totally lonely. The continually and hopelessly ill gather together to share their malingering in their conditions of unrelenting need as a palliative for any other desires. It being the desire for the exceptional that proves so very problematic where it leaves one strapped in to a totally shunned and grave state. No matter what that might be we cannot allow any of that to get loose into a well ordered and predictable chaos with its defined streaks of regulated evils. The psyche then held straitjacketed so it cannot do anything at all that might actually satisfy or please any unusual and thus abnormal urges. The father who did not succeed determining the son who must not and thus sacrificing a whole world to maintain a few scant lies. That destiny which derives from the loins that you forever try to shake loose the way prey tries to shake loose predator before something vital is severed. Realizing it always comes too late and one might never chance to be afflicted with the right sort of illness despite the facts pertaining to ancestry. ----------------------------------------------- 260623B ----------- There is always the one that is gone into the no longer knowing what was not really ever known in the ways one might wish to know whatever might be known. We live on the cusp of that and forever on the verge of that sort of socially acceptable but utterly pointless type of condition in the peculiar belief that it is right. That way there is always something that seems to have gone missing either before or sometimes after whatever we chance to gather as facts pertaining to acceptable illusions. We eventually stop saying anything because nothing that we ever said actually made any real difference concerning the direction it all went and as if none of it really mattered. We easily blame the clumsiness representing presumably wrong choices made at presumably wrong times then wishing we had done it differently in the false belief in an alternate effect. What a sad and tragic thing we are regarding what we never really have among the having of what there is that the having is confined to being about with all of its symbols and allusions. That does not make it any easier and in fact makes it much more difficult as to the weather, menus and other details that glue together bits of fractured time into the usual runaway babbling streams. We become so easily dissolved away merely sugar cubes into tea cups wondering where the sweetness went along with the time being spent finding suggestions among tea leaves. --------------------------------------------- 260623C ----------- In the time of strawberries when the fields cry bird song along tree lined breezeways we search for hidden meanings beneath tufts of green leaf. There is very little to say that a bright gleam has not said between tree limb movements swaying near a deep rooted pond bubbling skittish excitements. ------------------------------------ 260623D ----------- We really must not pretend that we can be more than strangers and much less that we are of real interest to each other. You tell parts of y our story and I avoid telling you mine in the frustrated attempts to produce some disinterest. Perhaps one learns to ignore in the manner of being ignored then becoming a teacher of it having mastered the same ignorance. The years have silenced me in the realization I do not enjoy the ceaseless banal drivel comprising small talk conversation. Finding myself entirely disabled from continuing to do the necessary and feeling shunned by the shadow that incessantly follows after me. It makes me want to move on to something of a true romance the way life appeared to be in novels but never in the doldrums of reality. A sort of action figure made for a different twist of fate and playing piece in a vintage game that has entirely different rules. Wishing that I could dress up to engage in play and pretend proving more true to my reality than the usual daily pantomimes. An obsolete thing been put aside gone along the street side in a vague cloud of reminiscence about what some used to find. Just want to get away from the smell of smoke and beer mingled with other hard things looking for what is never there. Makes me wonder where they found any of those movie sets appeared in black and white intense scenes of anxious flesh. At least they were well dressed and the advertising was mostly honest giving clear enough suggestions as to where anything might be heading. Too many places now locker rooms stale with the talk and odours arrives in an influx of footballers intermingled with boxing matches. And the girls in the bar down the street are from the bordello next door doing their tricks with the regulars while playing the naive for drinks. Some never go out anymore because it makes it too hard to dream and the high price of disappointment is getting pushed up beyond reach. How many pointless words are contained in a twelve dollar drink all about irrelevant Internet subjects and what went on in the office. Do not know any way around this brave new world desolation becoming so hair split divided out into countless sorts of dead tease. Does not seem to be really human but maybe the species died out somewhere sometime long ago and something else was ghosted in. ------------------------------------------ 270623A ----------- Lingering in the throes of doing our usual presumed instances might be exchange of value and then when it ends we return to estrangement. A commodified condition that is an expanding spectrum includes our interactions until we are never really friends but we often behave as if we are. That is the shallow of it all and if we had known we might have been all business in the cutting it short and engaging in cost reductions. Moving on to next, next, and next developing no attachments having the same feelings for anyone which means no feelings at all beyond the work at hand. Knowing nothing to be gained in the shallows of pass through reduced down to the coin for something we do not need all that very much of. The frugality of the competition laughs at our spates of excesses knowing the future is a wrap at the end of whatever production where it all goes away. We never hear from anyone again when the gig is over and done and all we get is a change of scene where there are new estrangements to be temporarily cultivated. ---------------------------------- 270623B ----------- I see you and you see me going round the brambles that threaten to scar up the wayward gesture. All the holding back that is the flesh and blood until no blossoms of thought remaining to be seen beyond crowned with thorns. I hear you and you hear me in the gulf of our silences where we hunt for the words that comprise acceptable statements. Caught somewhere in between the fact and the immediacy trying to avoid the finality that comes with any revelations deemed far too intimate an ending. I end you and you end me in the social maelstrom that invariably takes us away from whatever seemed special. And if we might have loved it only means someone else will conduct a usual intercession the way a fresh bullet enters through the same familiar breach. I bury you and you bury me in the out of sight and mind game as to the forgotten and forgetting all that once never was. What could have been in such a precise and divisive way that is the all encompassing system determining all giving and taking that creates and ends the living. ------------------------------------ 270623C ----------- We would never get along in all the too early and too late inevitable failures of the mesh that comprises time and place. If there was any option it was of the never was sort that is never actually found but consists merely of searching. Perhaps the doors that chanced were doors we should have closed while never wanting to remain as merely something on the way. Torn by that sort of sentiment we attempt to crudely mend whatever there is of ourselves that has not fallen entirely aside. It was about getting there even if it never came to arrivals before the usual departures from any of the might have had. We might have had but no idea how or what it was and being treated as lost luggage that no one wants to claim. There is always something in it that is entirely necessary that we do not have any of and cannot seem to get anywhere. A tragic condition that changes with the seasons and situations knowing no reasonable remedies on the way to somewhere else. Nothing is ever really settled at any of those stations filled with usual ritual habits as to being in and on the way. A feeling that keeps saying that one simply does not have it and having no idea where it is outside the bounds of constant need. -------------------------------------------- 270623D ----------- It is what we do not know either how to find or get that gradually destroys us in all of its innumerable ways. Having put down roots into the emptied dead soil purely on the basis of our faith from which nothing grows. Then there is a science that teaches us something that we cannot put into effect but it is full of great ideas. So disappointed and diverted until we ourselves begin to claim we could never really want it and blaspheme spirit and name. There is always something more we cannot have and cannot get that would take the attention away from what we have not got. A new algebra of need more devious than prior equations as to incalculable damage that is a wasting and withering. Eat of the great feast until full to the weeping with what it brings that leaves one feeling emptier in its lingering consequence. There are no humble beginnings where nothing begins that way at all in the wasteland that feeds neither any sorts of ambitions nor any dreams. ----------------------------------------------- 270623E ----------- They would only trade something for what one does not have and some still name that as love within the cruel terms and conditions as to what some call endearments. They do not want what you have got because that too is feared as only another sort of infection that might make them too sick and in need of regular doses. Particularly if it is not to be found in any of the usual commercials and maybe only in rare instances of obscure pulp fictions written by demented geniuses. Knowing Quasimodo is no trouble but you might be too much trouble whenever you cannot or will not whatever it is that you cannot or won't no matter the cause or the reason. The market has steadily shrunk concerning that type of thing in lands of insipid tea and fake honey past the boom box sounds knuckle scraping the throughways. It is surely a very desperate world would deprive so severely that it removes so much eye candy from any public marketplaces so that loose ends no longer meet. A future proved to be more cruel than the past that threatened it into its abject present condition concerning dots the i and crosses t within the letraset alphabet. We were told we could be free but we were denied the experience outside the restrictions imposed by those boundless arguments that destroy both the pro and con. Thus ends every proposition keeping each instance sequestered within its own bad judgments and the jury is always out squandering itself on the town. We can still choose beer brands from an ever wider selection but that too is a temporary trend and the kids no longer play any of the games we grew up with. Everyone is trying to look normal hiding away their inner cripples from any sort of public view avoiding guilt by association as to those sorts of people. They all seem to want something more of whatever it is someone else has in theirs that the commercials are saying everyone now wants. Take your rejections and go to some other playing field where they might let you play a game that you do not want to in ways that you really cannot. --------------------------------------