There's Gunna Be A Rumble - The Lay Of The Land.

II: The Lay of the Land

There are three locations that were used for the Battle Royal I'm about to =
describe. Two were merely where the reinforcements began. Caesar's Palace, =
Las Vegas, La Bella Cafe - San Diego, and Northridge near Chili's on Reseda=
. The other locations were merely and I know some of you snicker here, the =
paths on their journey to Chili's. Harold and Kumar weren't there.

The date was January 17, 1994, it started at 4:30:55a and ended at 3:33p. T=
here was a major aftershock 1 minute after the initial quake at 4:30:55a. a=
s well as the aftershock that ended the 'Battle of Northridge'.

There were two factions. The Greasers and The Blondes. Both fought admirabl=
y. The Greasers didn't have a name until they got about halfway up the 101 =
from Ventura. We'll talk about that later. The Blondes started calling them=
selves 'The Blondes' within minutes of the first quake. The temporary name =
of The Greasers (what the Blondes called them) was Those Assholes, You Assh=
oles, and several other expletives that are the rough but quite a bit more =
colorful equivalents of 'Those Assholes'.

The 101 corridor will often be referred to, it was 'The Road' and the road =
taken was the 101 Freeway from Ventura to Reseda Blvd.

The Ship... that was later named the "Make Me A Sandwich, Bitch!" was and s=
till is (with major repairs and I mean MAJOR) the Tole Mour from the Channe=
l Islands that that day was on a fishing trip just off San Diego. It was fi=
tted with a giant fiberglass muskie whose tail would wag back and forth and=
 propel the Tole Mour at about 45 mph. One of the superintendants of The Ca=
talina Island Marine Institute would regularly take it to good fishing spot=
s days that it was not in use. It was solar-powered. This WASN'T approved o=
f by the Catalina Island Marine Institute and they would be scandalized by =
some of the parties he through. He has since retired. You know him as Arnol=
d Schwarzzenegger, they had a different name for him, two different names a=
ctually, he got fired once when he left some kegs on the forecastle deck.

I'll get to the players in a minute. Here's what the first wave (pre-reinfo=
rcements) were up to.

Most of the Greasers initial force were going about their day's work in Los=
 Angeles county, with about 150 in Northridge. The Blondes initial force we=
re largely doing the same with about 130 in Northridge, 20 in Santa Clarita=
, and the others mainly scattered along the 101 corridor. Those numbered ab=
out 50 apiece, they in both cases were referred to as 'The Recruits' althou=
gh some were seasoned Fight Club veterans.

Both sides also had 200 reinforcements: The Greasers from San Diego, The Bl=
ondes from Las Vegas.

The Players were as follows=E2=80=A6

The Cap'n's: Ed O'Neill & Debi Diamond
The Seconds: Arnold Schwarzzenegger, The Little Drummer Girl
The Standardbearers: Tom Cruise & Trevor Donovan
The Thieves: Jacqueline Malouf & Jeff Bridges.
The Spies: Steve McQueen & The Feral Kid
The Champions: Arnold Schwarzzenegger, The Little Drummer Girl, The Rock, H=
ulk Hogan,
The Bitch played by Ann Margret, Mr. McFuckyou played by Don Rickles,
Dom Deluise as Him.
And Featuring=E2=80=A6 Buddy Hackett as Mr. McGuffin

Those who have read this or were there probably know that after Arnold Schw=
arzzenegger lost his first bout, he was replaced as a second by 'The Wench'=
.

All the following events are a matter of non-public record and were approve=
d from The Oval Office, the the Chili's security guard and every point of l=
aw enforcement in-between. There are fictional elements. Generally inconven=
ient would it be to have the real names, locations, or places stated in thi=
s work due to reputation, sales, or roughly although not always nationally,=
 national security.

If you disagree with the elements of this narrative and are 'a member' just=
 tell your sensei that I the author 'am full of shit', or that 'it was popp=
ycock'. If you aren't a member, yell the same things outside most gyms with=
 boxing or dojos that train martial arts in the U.S., then leave and you ma=
y be invited to spar or be provided with training instructions so that you =
can spar regarding your claim. This is a work of fiction, the same as if I =
put fictional elements like "Lee Harvey Oswald's mistress" into a narrative=
 that was indicated as fiction about the JFK Assassination. It's enough to =
tell the tale, but the elements I add are far from whoppers.

I am a coordinator and will be for about 10 years. That means I designed th=
e above elements in some cases in conjunction with my co-coordinators and A=
ssistant Coordinator who some of you know as The Feral Kid. She had no know=
ledge of her coordination activities at the time of the quakes. She will be=
 the next coordinator sometime during the first half of 2032. She is aware =
of this. Now, so are you.

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III: The Quakes