LNH: Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #?.?.?.?
Drew Nilium <[email protected]> Sun, 7 Apr 2024 04:43:36 -0000 (UTC)
| Newsgroups | rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh |
|---|---|
| Organization | A noiseless patient Spider |
| Message-ID | <[email protected]> |
An office. A seemingly endless office, the lights low, everything quiet. The
Universal Office of the Classic Looniverse, locked down, at rest.
Not much to see, honestly. A vast expanse of cubicles, all exactly the same...
except for one.
A man sat at a desk, typing and gazing into an old, flickery CRT. He could not
change what was happening from here - not yet, not without the Instrument, not
with the Sword of .Sig in place. But he could observe, and what he observed
pleased him.
Finally, the wildcard had been destroyed. The readings that the Universal
Office was recieving from LNHQ indicated that the Shadow of the Ninja, in
trying to heal itself, had destroyed itself. That was some kind of poetic irony,
probably; and if not, it didn't matter. Cold facts were enough for him.
The desktop let out a harsh nose and an alert flashed in amber. The man leaned
in... write conflict in database, no authorization to merge? Frowning, he
punched a few keys... and startled back, eyes wide.
There were two separate data tracks coming in. Two quantized and defined
versions of the events currently happening in LNHQ... and one of them was
recording the Shadow of the Ninja! Quickly, he typed in commands, requesting -
no, *demanding* - more information. One of the versions was contained to a
single area, centered on the Ninja, which meant...
No, that couldn't be right. You couldn't stabilize an Existence Snowglobe -
imposing your own reality on the world around you required enormous amounts of
energy. Yet there it was - a separate reality, maintained by a single,
unbreakable will.
He could not change what was happening from here. All he could do was observe...
::: __ __ _ __ :::
:+: / / ,'_/ / |/ / :+:
+:+ / /_ / /_ / || / +:+
.:. /___/eadership |__/ry.sig: /_/|_/et.ropolis .:.
.+. _______ ________ _______ ________ .+.
. / ___ \|\ __ \ / ___ \|\_____ \ .
.+. /__/|_/ /\ \ \|\ \/__/|_/ /\|____|\ /_ .+.
.#. |__|// / /\ \ \\\ \__|// / / \|\ \ .#.
+#+ / /_/__\ \ \\\ \ / /_/__ __\_\ \ +#+
#+# |\________\ \_______\|\________\|\_______\ #+#
### \|_______|\|_______| \|_______|\|_______| ###
Issue #28: "A Cruel RACCoon's Thesis! The Final Ultimate Epi-Epilog?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Manga Girl had had it up to here! It was time for some *real* love and justice!
"Now hold on right there!" she shouted, pointing a finger at the Unknown Ninja.
"Mister Ultimate Ninja, *if that is your real name*, whether or not you're an
LNHer, you're committing villainous acts! You'd better quit it, or in the name
of sequential art, I'll punish you!"
"I am *not* done killing people!" the Unknown-and-maybe-Ultimate Ninja bellowed,
ignoring her. "The LNH needs to pay! For bringing me back, you all need to pay!"
"Please!" begged the Totally Real Ultimate Ninja, who seemed less real by the
moment. "You can have my ninja gold! Uh, once I find it..."
"Wow!" squeaked Throbby the Talking Severed Heart. "UN, you're freeing so many
hearts from the chests of bad men! You're such a hero!"
Oh that *did* it. Manga Girl made a dash for the Ninja of Mystery, filling her
fist with the burning power of truth and beauty bombs!!
*Still* not paying attention to her, he dodged at the last moment, and she
rushed past
::: __ __ _ __ :::
:+: / / ,'_/ / |/ / :+:
+:+ / /_ / /_ / || / +:+
.:. /___/eadership |__/ry.sig: /_/|_/et.ropolis .:.
.+. _______ ________ _______ ________ .+.
. / ___ \|\ __ \ / ___ \|\_____ \ .
.+. /__/|_/ /\ \ \|\ \/__/|_/ /\|____|\ /_ .+.
.#. |__|// / /\ \ \\\ \__|// / / \|\ \ .#.
+#+ / /_/__\ \ \\\ \ / /_/__ __\_\ \ +#+
#+# |\________\ \_______\|\________\|\_______\ #+#
### \|_______|\|_______| \|_______|\|_______| ###
Issue #16: "The Struggles of Sakura! A Puzzle of Fuzzy Logic?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
she laid on the floor, chest aching with every labored breath, a
trickle of blood sliding down her face.
"wha..." Manga Girl's vision was blurry. She was back in the shattered lobby--
no, wait, had she been-- her head was throbbing and there was an alarm--
"WARNING: REALITY BREACH DETECTED. WARNING: REALITY BREACH DETECTED."
The doors opened and a blurry, indistinct figure staggered in; it was Fuzzy,
experienced Legionnaire and friend to newbies. She was supporting Master Roster
Man, who stumbled forward like he was only halfway present. "What's... unf..."
She dropped him off on a bench and made her way over to Manga Girl, kneeling
down. "What happened?" Last I heard, the Ultimate Ninja had come back! And now
it seems like half the team's totally out of it, like they don't know where
they are... Good thing I decided not to come to the party, I guess!"
Manga Girl managed to take Fuzzy's hand, pulling herself up with her help.
"there's... nother reality here... escaped by accident..." She wobbled on her
feet. "gotta get back in 'n stop 'em..."
"it was the ultimate ninja but it wasn't..." muttered Master Roster Man. "and
there was a writer but he wasn't a writer... and he took venmo..."
"Uh, hang on, kid. Sakura, sorry." Fuzzy put her hands on Manga Girl's
shoulders. "But you sure this is something you've gotta do *now*? Everything's
messed up here, but you're messed up too."
Manga Girl shook her head, then winced, oh that was a bad idea. "there's people
trapped in there, I think, and that weird ninja we were looking for is part of
it..." She swallowed, taking a harsh breath, and straightened up. "And if what
you were saying is true, I think I'm the only one who's in condition to fight
it!"
Fuzzy took a deep breath. "Okay. There's some kind of reality here we can't see
or touch but it's affecting us... I didn't think I'd get to use this trick yet,
but I guess it's time."
Manga Girl ripped a strip off her T-shirt and tied it around her forehead to
keep the blood out of her eyes. That felt better. "Trick?"
"I haven't been in the spotlight for a while. So I've been using my time to
practice some new moves." It was hard to tell, but Fuzzy seemed to be tensing
her body, and reaching out into empty space. "I've tried this in the Peril Room,
but the real thing... is different..."
Fuzzy was always surrounded by her mutant Ambiguity Field. (Manga Girl had
heard she was pretty cute under there.) But now, the field began extending out
from her body. The ambiguity was getting wider, deeper, more ambiguous. It was
increasingly hard to tell where the borders of it actually were, and whether
Manga Girl was inside of it or out. The colors, the textures of the room became
indistinct - and suddenly, Manga Girl could tell that she was inside the field,
because her body felt different, because she could sort of, kind of, see the
other reality, that weird other Ultimate Ninja...
"Better... better hurry up and get in there. I don't know how long I can keep
this up."
Manga Girl was always dashing or running or leaping; she hardly ever just
walked. But now, she walked into the fuzzy space between realities...
::: __ __ _ __ :::
:+: / / ,'_/ / |/ / :+:
+:+ / /_ / /_ / || / +:+
.:. /___/eadership |__/ry.sig: /_/|_/et.ropolis .:.
.+. _______ ________ _______ ________ .+.
. / ___ \|\ __ \ / ___ \|\_____ \ .
.+. /__/|_/ /\ \ \|\ \/__/|_/ /\|____|\ /_ .+.
.#. |__|// / /\ \ \\\ \__|// / / \|\ \ .#.
+#+ / /_/__\ \ \\\ \ / /_/__ __\_\ \ +#+
#+# |\________\ \_______\|\________\|\_______\ #+#
### \|_______|\|_______| \|_______|\|_______| ###
Issue #0: "Retconversations with Strangers! Saved by the Possum?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
"So this story is named after one of those Bubblegum Crisis shows, yeah? I was
expecting it to be more cyberpunk."
"Well, the Universal Office is a big part of the plot, right? The struggle
against oppressive bureaucracy is a central part of punk, I think. And the
leadership election is the other side of that, where you're dealing with a
whole bunch of bad actors trying to take over a quasi-governmental system."
"I guess that makes sense. What about the cyber part?"
"...uhhhh... Well, the LNH is kind of, inherently cyber, right?"
"Suuuuuure."
"Anyway, you'd better take care of that guy. I thought I could make him more
cool and mindlessly violent, but apparently he's just determined to be a
grouch!"
"Good thing I yanked you out of there."
"Yeah, yeah, you still owe me one for what happened in Net.ripoor."
"Yeah, whatever. Hey, when you go, take this one with you, all right? What am I,
a babysitter?"
::: __ __ _ __ :::
:+: / / ,'_/ / |/ / :+:
+:+ / /_ / /_ / || / +:+
.:. /___/eadership |__/ry.sig: /_/|_/et.ropolis .:.
.+. _______ ________ _______ ________ .+.
. / ___ \|\ __ \ / ___ \|\_____ \ .
.+. /__/|_/ /\ \ \|\ \/__/|_/ /\|____|\ /_ .+.
.#. |__|// / /\ \ \\\ \__|// / / \|\ \ .#.
+#+ / /_/__\ \ \\\ \ / /_/__ __\_\ \ +#+
#+# |\________\ \_______\|\________\|\_______\ #+#
### \|_______|\|_______| \|_______|\|_______| ###
Issue #0.0: "Death of the Ultimate Ninja! The Tragic Final Battle?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
The presences scampered away, and Manga Girl was holding someone's hand,
guiding her as she emerged from the twilight zone...
Everything was still kind of, well, fuzzy. But she could see the lobby of the
LNHQ looking pristine again, and the Ninja holding Fearless Leader by the
pouch-belt-sash-thing he has in Dave's art, shaking him and growling, "WHY DID
YOU BRING ME BACK!? I WANT ANSWERS!! TELL ME OR I'LL KILL YOU!!! Wait, answers,
*then* murder. TELL ME OR I'LL KILL YOUR DOG!!!!"
FL just looked tired. "I don't *have* a dog..."
Manga Girl felt a tug, and looked down at whose hand she was holding. It was a
girl, maybe seven years old, with a wide, cheerful face, into which were set a
pair of piercing, dark eyes. Eyes that were familiar, achingly familiar even
thru the fuzz, but felt like they belonged to a different face...
...Nina's eyes!
She pulled her hand away from Manga Girl's and ran up to the Ninja before she
could stop her, grabbing and hugging him around the side with both arms. "Uncle
Grumpy!"
"WHAT!?" The Ninja dropped Fearless Leader and looked down at her, tensing to
strike. "WHO... who..." He paused mid-tense. "Who *are* you?"
"I'm your niece, Ultimate Nina!" She giggled, bouncing in place. "Silly Uncle
Grumpy!"
"Gasp!" Oh *jeez* it was that throbbing heart thing. "You're an uncle!? We
gotta celebrate! I'll call some strippers..."
"My... niece? I have... a family? That doesn't... sound right..." The Ninja
didn't make any move to push her away. This was the first time Manga Girl had
seen him act like anything other than a relentless killing machine. Still, she
was like a coiled spring, ready to leap, ready to save the girl when, not if,
he flipped out...
"Yeah, I helped you fight the Smurfs! Wait, you said we're supposed to call
them Smurphs..."
"I did...?" His hand went to his head. "These memories... are these...?"
"Won't you take off your mask, Uncle Grumpy?" Nina chirped. She pulled a little
plastic compact out of the pocket of her overalls. "So I can do your makeup
again!"
"Nina, what did I tell you about... about... take... off... my mask?" His hands
went up, felt at the cloth around his neck - yes, there was a seam. His fingers
curled under the edge - he paused for a moment, unsure - the cloth slid up and
off his face...
Everyone was silent, except for the fake Totally Real Ultimate Ninja, who let
out a horrified gasp.
"...Uncle Grumpy," said Nina. "What *happened* to you?" She held up the compact
mirror, and the Ninja looked at his face...
It was blank! A paper-white expanse!! He had no face!!!
"what-- no-- NO!" The Ninja gripped his head, throwing it back in agony!
"NOOOOOOO!"
The space around them wobbled, bubbled, and buckled! Waves of delirium radiated
out from his blank face, confusion and fear in physical form! With a resounding
KRASSSSSH! the lobby of the LNHQ seemed to split asunder - to reveal another
lobby, revealing the scars of battle! They were back in the other reality, with
Master Roster Man and Fuzzy!
Speaking of which, Fuzzy dropped to her knees, the fuzz dissolving. "hh...
ohgawd... i gotta... practice that more..."
The Ninja leaped into the air, crashed thru a window and ran, screaming and
gibbering, off into the night, with Throbby trailing behind!
The tightly coiled energy drained out of Manga Girl, and she sagged, just a bit,
in relief. Fearless Leader seemed to shake off his tiredness, pulled out a pair
of power inhibitor cuffs, and slapped them on that so-called Totally Real
Ultimate Ninja, who was sobbing against his leg.
And in the middle of it all, staring off after the Ninja, stood Nina, still
just seven years old...
====
The man in the office stared at the readouts. The database conflict had been
resolved, but the cure was more terrifying than the disease. Numbers
fluctuating wildly, values becoming indeterminate, states becoming...
*ambiguous*. And then it all just... went away.
It had to be an Ish. He'd never seen one before, but anyone who aspired to
bureaucracy magic knew that... beings existed that couldn't be classified by
even the most exhaustive categories, who couldn't be pinned down in forms and
figures, who were living holes in the system. They were known as Ish, and they
were the only beings who could destroy a Universal Office.
Thankfully, this one didn't seem to be connected to the Sig.Force. But the idea
that the LNH had access to an Ish... This could ruin his plans.
The Shadow was no longer a primary concern. He picked up the dusty touch-tone
telephone and dialed in a number...
====
Several blocks from LNHQ, a sixteen-wheeler semi truck idled. An orange-clad
figure was helped inside by a muscular woman...
"Sir Knightingale," said Lady Zed, easing her onto a portable medbed, "patch
her up. Ms. Executor, report."
Ms. Executor laid down, and a young man in a stylized brown-and-white nurse's
outfit (like, a real nurse's outfit, like a jumpsuit) got out the industrial-
size bottle of disinfectant to clean her wounds. "Target was engaged in battle
with an LNHer," she said, "and was tracked to LNHQ. Assistance was secured from
LNHers to disable target; however, it showed previously unknown reality-bending
abilities. I escaped just before it all went kablooey."
Lady Zed nodded firmly. "Good job. Our client has informed us that his Ninja
problem has been resolved, and has paid in full, along with a commission for a
new target."
"A new target?" Ms. Executor didn't look outwardly skeptical.
But Lady Zed knew her far too well not to know what she was saying, and laughed.
"Don't worry, you'll have time to recover from this mission. Taking out this
target is going to require a careful plan. And there won't be any help from
LNHers this time." She turned to look at the blurry silhouette on the monitor.
"For the honor of the Z-Team - Fuzzy must be destroyed!"
::: __ __ _ __ :::
:+: / / ,'_/ / |/ / :+:
+:+ / /_ / /_ / || / +:+
.:. /___/eadership |__/ry.sig: /_/|_/et.ropolis .:.
.+. _______ ________ _______ ________ .+.
. / ___ \|\ __ \ / ___ \|\_____ \ .
.+. /__/|_/ /\ \ \|\ \/__/|_/ /\|____|\ /_ .+.
.#. |__|// / /\ \ \\\ \__|// / / \|\ \ .#.
+#+ / /_/__\ \ \\\ \ / /_/__ __\_\ \ +#+
#+# |\________\ \_______\|\________\|\_______\ #+#
### \|_______|\|_______| \|_______|\|_______| ###
Issue #16.0.0.28:
"The End of the Ending!!!! A Man Sits In an Office, Stares at Numbers and
Makes a Phone Call????"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Drew "that last issue number and title are the official ones" Nilium