Re: LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #323: The CrossOver Caper Part One

Arthur Spitzer wrote:

> And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
> once again.

And since I still can't see Arthur's posts on Eternal September, I'm copying and 
pasting from the Pipermail list~

> And here's Part One of The CrossOver Caper by Jef "KaTeFan"
> Kolodziej!  This is one those Forgotten LNH Crossover that no
> one ever really seems to talk about (and I probably haven't looked
> at it since 1994).

Definitely one of those ones I keep meaning to re-read.

   We've got a Borg like menace called the
> Cascaders -- Will they get the LNH's dishes sparkly clean?!
> Will the Lumberjerks have any time to press some wild flowers?!!
> And Can the Ultimate Ninja deal with some old guy talking smack about
> Him?!!!

Drama! :o

> Space, the final frontier. A very short time ago, from a system not
> so far away, where no LNHer has gone before, without a rag-tag fugitive
> fleet, a large cube zooms across the heavens, toward their next destination.
> The exterior of the ship has nine different colored squares on each
> side of the cube, with a total of six different colors.

GASP. :o An unsolvable puzzle!

> "My minions, I call you to inform you of our next objective.  We have
> conquered such bulletin boards such as Alt.Fan.Madonna and
> Alt.Ensign.Wesley.Die.Die.Die.  A new board has sprung up,
> and we will deal with them as we have done in the past.
> The Cascaders will go on!!"
> 
> In unison, the Cascaders respond,
> "Alt.Comics.Lnh will be assimiliated.   The LNHers will be
> humiliated.  Their posts will be dehydrated.
> Their reply posts will be belated.  Their cries
> will be sedated......"
> 
> For the next twenty minutes, the Cascaders continue to spout out
> rhyming phrases.

heeheehee

> Back at LNHeadquarters, RosterwReam is sitting at the main computer,
> updating the current roster changes.  The name, Myk-El, has been taken from
> the LNH roster, and has been placed on the Deceased Foes List.

Oof, that drama...

> Apathy Lad stares at See-Saw, member of the villianous LumberJerks,
> who swings his left bladed arm right at Apathy Lad's neck.
> Before See-Saw can make the final cut, the Ultimate Ninja,
> with his super-human speed, pulls Apathy Lad
> away from being a cut-up.  Meanwhile, Sig.File Man duels, with a sig
> file in hand, the Login Lady with a log.  Within the local tool shop,
> Time-Waster Lad and Cannon Fodder battle the infamous Axing Rose.

Classic stuff. |>

> Unknown to the battling participants, an old man walks up the stairs
> of Net.ropolis Savings Bank.  As he reaches for the door, a tall figure
> pushes him out of the way.
> 
> "I know you, you whipper-snapper.", the elderly man shouts out after
> falling to the ground.

Fascinating. :o

> The Ultimate Ninja turns to see one of his favorite people he would
> like to see dead.  Table.

Oh, the idea of Table as a big nemesis of UN's is a neat one. :>

> Noticing Table's backpack is filled, the Ninja
> figures that Table is robbing a small bank.  How common of him, the Ninja
> thinks.

I say, robbing a bank? How gauche. u.(U)

> Tired of not being able to win battles or complete his missions, the
> Ultimate Ninja pulls out his Ginsu Katana Blade, and grabs the old man.
> 
> "Look.  I am sick of hearing that I am not as good as I think I am.
> In fact, I am better than that.  I would like to have seen you do the same."

Satisfying. |D

> In the LNH's Dining facility, Politically-Correct Person leads the
> current membership of the LNH, both active and reserve, in a soul-searching
> gathering.
> 
> "With everything that we have been through, including the act of
> betrayal by our former member, Myk-El, we
> need to purge these uneasy feelings we have,
> and share them with us, so we can be free of our bonds.

I know this is some kind of weird satire, but it's honestly a good idea.

> Doctor Stomper, having enough of this, stands up and shouts:
> "This is stupid.  That is all we need.  You will have all of us
> questioning ourselves.  We will lose our self-confidence.
> We are heroes.  We need this internal struggle to keep us going."
> 
> "Can you wait until it is your turn.  This is supposed to cleanse
> your being."
> 
> "I have to agree with him," interrupts Multi-Tasking Man. "It is part
> of our personality.  If you take that away from us, then we will be just
> like characters from Marvel.

Ah, yes, those characters from Marvel, who are well-known for not having angst 
or emotional problems, especially in the early 90s? @-@ This is very odd

> A strange sounds starts to fill the room.
> 
> "What's that?", questions Kid Anarky.
> 
> "Oh My God!!!! Look!!", yells Kid-Frothing-At-the-Mouth.
> 
> The group turn their attention to the three LNHers who seem to be
> vanishing in front of their eyes.  Multi-Tasking Man, Old Comics Man, and
> Kid Kirby disappear from view.

GASP!!

> Rock: "Yeah!  Why, I bet we could do just as well up against
> Legionaires!  Better even!"
> 
> Table: "That remains to be seen.  I certainly haven't been impressed
> with you so far."
> 
> Priest: "You didn't give us a chance!  If we were to strike them hard
> and fast -- SHOW NO MERCY -- the Legion would be finished!"
> 
> Table smiles.  "Perhaps I will give you that chance."

DUN DUN DUNNNNN...

Drew "drama!" Nilium