Re: LNH: System Corruptors #40: "Damnatio Memoriae"

Drew Nilium <[email protected]> wrote at 21:46 this Monday (GMT):
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> 8D                              SYSTEM CORRUPTORS                            D8
> V^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^V^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^V
> Issue #40: "Damnatio Memoriae"                                   By Drew Nilium
> V      VV      VV      VV      VV      V      VV      VV      VV      VV      V
>
> May 1st, 2020.
>
> Mistake looked out the window of the flight.thingee as it flew over the
> App.alachian Highlands of West VR.ginia, and tapped a pen on her clipboard
> thoughtfully.
>
> Sitting behind her were Continuity Porn Star and Polybag Person, late of the
> East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains, and Demented Designer, late of the West
> Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains. Sitting next to her was Crossplay King, also
> previously of the West Coasters. The Android Barbarian, late of the Midwest
> Brotherhood of Net.Villains, was flying the craft.
>
> She had chosen the East and West Coasters because they were some of the ones
> who held the least grudges and were the easiest to work with; the mission of
> reclaiming the East Coast Brotherhood's base for the new team required people
> who weren't going to get any smart ideas about avenging Mister Homage or taking
> the place for themselves.
>
> But the mission wasn't what she was thinking about; it was the new Brotherhood,
> or rather, the new Something Else. Surprisingly, the idea of renaming the team
> had been more popular than not, and so she was using Crossplay King as a
> sounding board for new names.
>
> She looked over the list of possibilities, tuning out the sound of the other
> three non-pilots playing Sushi Go. "The Association of Net.Villains?"
>
> "Too generic, and vaguely corporate." CK was surprisingly grounded, and Mistake
> wondered how she put up with OTP, her long-time partner-in-crime. Opposites
> attract, she guessed.
>
> "Yeah, corporate villainy is out. The Fellowship of Net.Villains?"
>
> "Makes us sound like hobbits."
>
> "Heh. The... Sodality of Net.Villains?"
>
> "What?"
>
> Mistake sighed. "It's another word for a brotherhood, but, like... well, never
> mind." She felt the flight.thingee begin to shed altitude. "Android Barbarian,
> do we have an isolated spot for landing?"
>
> "Here's a couple of acres!" he called back.
>
> "Okay," she said, "let me know when we're almost there."
>
> "See you at the party."
>
>====
>
> The lights in the abandoned shopping mall hummed away. Mistake wondered if
> there was a generator, or if they'd just hacked the grid. There was plenty of
> time to find out after they secured the primary asset of the base - EraserHead,
> a powerful being from another dimension who had been locked away ever since
> Anti-Christ Lad had taken over Mister Homage's body.
>
> No one knew how Mister Homage had found and tamed the beast; it was rumored
> that it had erased all traces of their first meeting, and all evidence of how
> Homage came to lead the Brotherhood. But it had its own will, and could be
> communicated with; the Crime Empress had figured out how, and used its
> information against Anti-Christ Lad.
>
> Knowing this, Mistake had brought along the Android Barbarian, whose high-level
> subroutines for understanding his enemy's thoughts might be able to crack
> EraserHead's code, letting her recruit it into the new Brotherhood. Or the new
> whatever. The Whatever of Net.Villains? No, that'd be stepping on the toes of
> LNH20...
>
> She shook her head. "Continuity Porn Star," she called out. "What do we know
> about this place?"
>
> Continuity Porn Star had tattoos all over his body that showed the details of
> every LNH story ever told, as well as every other story that had been posted to
> RACC. He removed one of his gloves, looking at the back of his hand, and
> frowned, watching the ink slide over his skin...
>
> "...you okay there?"
>
> "Oh! Yeah. Sorry." She wondered if he'd seen a story that took place later in
> the timeline. Rumor had it that he was a renegade Knight of Continuity, but
> even a renegade knew the price of meddling with time. "We held meetings of the
> East Coast Brotherhood in the Hot Topic. EraserHead is chained up in the Orange
> Julius. Romantic Innuendo hid some secrets in the Victoria's Secret. I think
> that's everything, that's actually been written down, but if you want, I'll
> slip off, strip, and double-check."
>
> Mistake shook her head. "That's fine. Polybag Person, let's check to make sure
> there aren't any security systems lying in wait."
>
> "Okie-dokie, boss." He held out his arms, and an enormous sheet of clear
> plastic unfurled in front of him. Walking forward carefully, he let it lead the
> way, brushing over the floor of the mall, the walls, the doors of the abandoned
> shops, and the skylight high above. Mistake figured it would be enough to set
>   off anything automated, at least.
>
> Walking behind the flowing, shifting sheet of plastic, they arrived in the food
> court. "Do you think we have time to pick up something from Sbarro?" asked
> Demented Designer.
>
> Crossplay King narrowed her eyes. "No... because the lights are on in the
> Orange Julius!" She zoomed across the floor and vaulted over the counter, her
> Makkaroni costume giving her super-speed.
>
> Mistake was right after, the others following thru the unlocked employee
> entrance, and she got inside in time to hear CK exclaim "Oh, not you *again*!"
>
> She had someone pinned up against the wall-- "Oh, for Pete's sake." It was
> Mister Homage, in his stupid clunky armor. Standing next to him was a man
> wearing a cowboy hat and a T-shirt that read 'Will Have Sex For Beer!'
>
> "Unhand me, woman!" Mister Homage strained, but couldn't break her grip.
>
> "Oh, hi, boss!" said Polybag Person, waving. "...er, ex-boss!" he added, with a
> guilty sideways glance at Mistake. She couldn't be mad, he was like a puppy.
>
> "Oh," said Continuity Porn Star, pointing at the cowboy-hatted man, "that's
> Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law!"
>
> "...wait a minute." Mistake looked closer at him. "*Lawrence*?" she boggled.
> "What are *you* doing here?!"
>
> "Oh, uh, hi, Mistake." Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law gave a big corny smile
> that absolutely failed to cover his awkwardness at the meeting. "Well, ever
> since Donna kicked me out, lackeying with Mister Homage has looked like a
> pretty good idea..."
>
> Mistake rubbed her face, squared her shoulders, and walked past them, into the
> kitchen, where she saw...
>
> Well, it was hard to say. EraserHead was a Net.Elemental of Deletion, and its
> very presence exuded an antimemetic energy that unmade observation. But it was
> asleep, so it seemed, and only a dim aura of erasure leaked out from underneath
> the eyelids it might have had. It was humanoid, Mistake could tell; larger and
> bulkier than any baseline human, but not the kaiju-sized thing that had
> attacked Net.ropolis back in the day. And it was chained, not just by steel but
> by some powerful magic of Anti-Christ Lad's.
>
> The Android Barbarian stepped forward, scanning the unbeast. "Move data for
> VTOC and catalog to auxmem B000-B3FF..." he murmured. It looked like, despite
> the interruption, this was going to go off without a--
>
> She immediately tried to suppress the rest of the thought, but it was too late,
> she'd tempted fate. There was a shout from behind her and Mister Homage ran
> into the kitchen, armor suddenly covered in spikes, wielding a technomystical
> remote control. "Ha-ha!" he said, hitting the big red button. "Now, my servant!
> Arise!"
>
> EraserHead shifted, its eyes probably opening, and instantly, the details
> around it washed out. It roared dully, shifting, and the chains that had bound
> it were instantly erased from existence.
>
> Crossplay King ran in, hands and chest cut and bleeding. "I couldn't hold him!"
>
> "Okay, time for the contingency plan!" shouted Mistake.
>
> "Costume Change!" Demented Designer extended his Fashion Failure Field around
> Crossplay King. They'd practiced this a few times, but it didn't always come
> out with anything useful - but that didn't mean it wasn't worth trying.
>
> Crossplay King's clothes warped and shifted, and came out as some kind of weird,
> garish combination of You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough-Lad and Cannon Fodder.
> Her wounds closed up, the outfit giving her, at the very least, some kind of
> regenerative ability.
>
> "Good enough," she grunted, and readied herself for another charge - but the
> Android Barbarian held out a hand. Had he calculated the way to get Eraserhead
> on their side?
>
> The Android Barbarian leaned forward, held out his hand... made a little
> beckoning noise. "C'mere, boy! C'mon!"
>
> Mistake blinked. Oh, boy, did he have a loose motherboard?
>
> But EraserHead turned, the vague shape of its body language seeming to show
> curiosity. Hey, if it works, it works, Mistake thought.
>
> Mister Homage watched in confusion, and then in anger. "No, beast! Remember
> your loyalty!"
>
> EraserHead turned back the other way, and let out a soft (relatively), winsome
> roar.
>
> Mistake prodded Polybag Person with her elbow and spoke up. "C'mon! That's a
> good boy!"
>
> After a moment, Crossplay King joined in. "You're a good deletion-thing, yes
> you are!" The others got the hint and started shouting encouragement to
> EraserHead.
>
> Mister Homage scowled and grabbed Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law. "Help me!"
> he hissed, then addressed EraserHead in as confident a voice as he could.
> "Attend me, servant! I have bacon in one of my pouches, probably!"
>
> "Come on, Erasey!" called Demented Designer. "We've got plenty of things for
> you to wipe out of existence!"
>
> "Uhhhh... C'mon, boy, I've got... I think my Usenetflix password still works?"
> said Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law. "If Donna hasn't changed it yet?"
>
> EraserHead looked left and right, seeming confused but not hostile. Was it
> Mistake's imagination? No, it was definitely turning towards her group, just a
> little more and--
>
> vrrrvrrrvrrrvrrKRATHOOM!!
>
> A flash of light, a thunderous noise, and a shockwave that knocked them all to
> the ground - all but EraserHead!
>
> Dust drifted down from a big hole in the ceiling. The Gymboree above them had
> been utterly destroyed, and descending thru the wreckage was an armored form,
> shining in the sunlight streaming thru the hole.
>
> Mistake pushed herself off the floor, eyes flicking around. All of her team
> were stirring; Mister Homage was still, and his lackey was cowering in the
> corner.
>
> The armored figure came down next to EraserHead, landing gently with the
> slightest of noises, his back to all but EraserHead. "Good meeting, my cosmic
> peer."
>
> "It's the Crossover Queen's number one," whispered Continuity Porn Star,
> staring up from the floor. "The Ultimate Hero..."
>
> EraserHead let out a bone-shaking growl and fired its eyebeams directly at the
> Ultimate Hero...
>
> ...who blocked them with a single hand. "Calm yourself, friend. I am like you."
> He took his helmet in his hands, pulled it off, and underneath...
>
> His face... was many faces, masculine, feminine, human, elf, dragon, cyborg,
> kind, cruel, mischievous, grieving, in all sorts of colors and configurations,
> a shifting kaleidoscope of possibilities.
>
> The Android Barbarian tried to scan him, tried to understand. "erROr," he said,
> twitching.
>
> EraserHead grunted and snarled, but didn't fire off any more eyebeams, nor did
> he try to physically attack. Maybe he was confused; right now, Mistake could
> relate.
>
> "We are special beings, who belong on a higher plane than criminals and cowards,
> fighting grander battles. I serve the Crossover Queen in battles for the very
> fate of the Internet, and I cannot imagine a worthier cause."
>
> Some of the hostility seemed to dissolve from EraserHead's body language. It
> looked over at Mister Homage, let out a low, interrogative grunt.
>
> "I know," said the Ultimate Hero. "You feel a debt to him. But it has long been
> repaid, has it not?"
>
> EraserHead shifted, quiet now, looking around at the net.villains, then back to
> the Ultimate Hero.
>
> "Come and be what you were meant to be," he said, reaching out his hand. "Come
> and be the Pure Nothingness Hero."
>
> "No!" Mistake found herself standing up, legs shaking. She couldn't just let
> anyone take someone who was hers. Even a monster. Especially a monster. "You
> want it to fight grand battles. I want to bring it home." Calculated guess time.
> "Like the one it used to have."
>
> EraserHead turned towards her, and the details of the room decreased; its eyes
> were wide, looking at her.
>
> And for the first time, the Ultimate Hero turned to face her. Oh, that was
> satisfying. "A home, among villains? A cosmic being such as this deserves
> better!"
>
> Mistake rested her hand on a dented countertop, straightening up. "It's cosmic,
> and I don't know what it's experienced in other worlds, other planes of
> existence. But I know that in *this* world, all its teammates have been
> villains. All its *friends* have been villains. Everyone who's been kind to it,
> who's stood by it, who's shown it love, has been a villain." She looked him in
> those shifting eyes. "You say it's worthy of you. But is a Hero worthy of it?"
>
> He gave a haughty laugh. "Fool. If this is true, then you've been dragging it
> down to your level, never rising up to its truth. Friends, love-- these are
> things base criminals know nothing of."
>
> EraserHead growled, and it was dangerous; antimemetic energy spread towards the
> Ultimate Hero.
>
> He took a step back. "It's true, though! Come, I shall prove it to you!" He
> held out his hand, and an impossibly large sword appeared in it. He hefted it
> in the air easily, and pointed it at Mistake. "See how easily such an uprising
> falls!" The Ultimate Hero raised his blade in the air, ready to slash down--
>
> And the blade was gone, EraserHead erasing it in an instant! It turned on the
> Ultimate Hero, unleashing the full force of its eyebeams!
>
> "What--" The Ultimate Hero held up both hands, blocking their deleting force,
> but he was sweating now, like he hadn't been before. "No! No, listen to me!
> You don't belong with them, *listen*--"
>
> EraserHead's roar downed out his words. The light of its body grew, and grew,
> impossibly bright, the noise of his roar fading, all senses overwhelmed--
>
> Mistake blinked and shook her head, arms up in a defensive position. When she
> could see again... Most of the kitchen was gone, a perfectly spherical crater,
> tho the people around her were untouched. It was quiet. Light was streaming
> down, and somewhere above, a bird was singing. And of the monster and the hero,
> there was no sign.
>
> She let her arms fall, and she sagged, staring into the crater for a minute.
>
> Crossplay King rose to her feet, surveyed the room. "Well," she said. "What
> now?"
>
> For another minute, Mistake was quiet. Then she said, in a voice filled with
> determination, rimmed with anger, and underlined with weariness, "I know who we
> are now."
>
> "The Uprising of Net.Villains."
>
>====
>
> Drew "let your freak flag fly" Nilium


Interesting, even if i dont understand a lot of it ^^
-- 
user <candycane> is generated from /dev/urandom