Re: Rules for Men

Test reply.

Damon
http://www.TheBeachcats.com

----- Original Message -----
From: "Damon"
Newsgroups: xaraya.curiosa
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 1:28 PM
Subject: [Xaraya_curiosa] Rules for Men


> 1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and
> eaten by his fellow partygoers.
>
> 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following Circumstances:
>
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into"The Crying Game".
> e. When she is using her teeth.
>
> 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out
> of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
> limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
> 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden.
> Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> 7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another
> man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional.
>
> 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the
> weakest.
>
> 9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you
may ask
> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
>
> 10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her
> to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
> 11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when
you're
> sunning on a tropical beach. And it's delivered by a topless
supermodel.
> And it's free.
>
> 12. Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to
> kick another bloke in the nuts.
>
> 13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
>
> 16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies
> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as
> much as the other sports watchers.
>
> 17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death
of a
> girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
threw
> it into a ceiling fan.
>
> 18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain
> sober enough to fight.
>
> 19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza,
> but not both - that's just mean.
>
> 20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking
> about his choice of beer.
>
> 21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours,
except
> if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
> 22. Phrases that may not be uttered toanother man while lifting
weights:
> a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
> 23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing:
> Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an
> almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> 24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than
> you are able to have $ex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up
> if necessary.
>
> 25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a
massive
> hangover. You may however, hide theaspirin, smear his chair with
cheese,
> turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor
is
> broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
>
> 26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have
> carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty
> is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what
a big
> mistake it was.
>
> 27. It is acceptable for you to drive hercar. It is not acceptable
for her
> to drive yours.
>
> 28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than
1.5
> litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres,
16
> valves, and a turbo.
>
> 29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green,
> orange, or sky blue.
>
> 30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?"
> with "If you loved me , you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation
2. End
> of story
>
>
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