The Darwin Awards -

THE DARWIN AWARDS (2003)

    It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These
awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a
lift tower at the MammothMountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a  foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
dead at Central Mammoth  Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m.,
the Mono County Sheriff's department said.

"Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump
Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers," said Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.

The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal
crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and
determined the tower he hit was the one with its  pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly  in a
St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo
grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him
to death.

3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag    standing
above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on
him.

2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in
Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his
pickup truck)    popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry
Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the
party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in
an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It
wouldn't go off and Stromyer said:  'I'll show you how to set it off.'
He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed  in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,  according to a
spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division."I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot
through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and  will be
released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have
been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny
Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the
arrow went through  8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at
the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
vessels. Delashaw also  said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow
out on his own, he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards that he and his friends  had been drinking that afternoon.
Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been
filed,but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.

THIS YEAR'S WINNER !!!
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal  Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the
George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers
between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot
fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the
fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than
Mr. Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.

Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along
with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his
fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into
holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and worse,
without the protection of his shorts, a  holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket knife
penetrated his thigh.

Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck
and slowly driving away.  However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the
truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing 30' below atop
his friend, killing him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100' from
the truck and dead from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck,
they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick
in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling
from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.