Differences between men and women

     NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, 
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if 
Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately 
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

     EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will 
each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them 
will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want 
change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket 
calculators.

     BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, 
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday 
Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. 
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

     GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes 
out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items 
left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery 
shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches 
the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car 
on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to 
the 10-items-or-less lane.

     SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool 
suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a 
plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her 
dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet 
are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

     CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women 
aren't looking, men kick cats.

     DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the 
plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. 
A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

     LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear 
every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that 
were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he 
is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, 
rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men 
always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth 
perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

     OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She 
knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best 
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man 
is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.