Re: Website - Pending Content Tasks

On Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 9:24 PM, Shaun McCance <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Wed, 2010-02-17 at 19:01 -0500, Darton Williams wrote:
>> Hi All,
>>
>> http://website-editors.gnome.org/download/images is ready for final review.
>>
>> On Mon, Feb 15, 2010 at 7:32 AM, Lucas Rocha <[email protected]> wrote:
>> > - Live Images content looks mostly ok,  a final review would be nice.
>> > Has a TODO item about Bittorrents.
>>
>> Small change in wording - "without requiring installation"
>>
>> Added a brief BitTorrent explanation (could maybe be even shorter?),
>> links to some free clients. I wouldn't presume to speak for GNOME by
>> suggesting these clients in particular, they are just familiar and
>> convenient to me.
>
> >From your friendly neighborhood copy editor:
>
> 'The GNOME Images contain'
> 'These are all "Live" systems'
> 'The current Live Media'
> 'Live Media ISO images'
> Why capitalized "Images" and "Live Media"?  They're not
> proper nouns.  We don't need to capitalize the names of
> every technology.
>

Good points Shaun, I'm not sure whether these were marketing choices or not.

Paul, can you address the capitalization?

> 'To install GNOME onto your computer or into a virtual
>  machine of your choice, download the file, burn to CD,
>  and boot your computer.'
> 1) Not sure "of your choice" adds anything.
> 2) Download what file?  When reading top to bottom, you
>   talk about something before you present it.
> 3) "burn it to a CD"
> 4) It might be worth pointing out that you have to boot
>   your computer with the CD in it.  Also, some computers
>   don't boot from CD by default.  Not sure if mucking
>   with BIOS is really something we want to talk about.
> 5) And those instructions aren't really correct for
>   installing in a virtual machine.
> 6) As an aside, I don't know what style elements we have
>   available, but it would be nice to have 'Download:'
>   look more like a list title.
> 7) Rough attempt: "Download the ISO file below to install
>   GNOME onto your computer or into a virtual machine.  To
>   install GNOME onto your computer, burn the ISO file to
>   a CD and boot your computer with the CD in the CD drive."
>   It skirts the issue of installing into a VM.  Maybe a
>   sentence should be added telling you to consult your VM's
>   help for instructions.
>

Thanks, will update instructions to something similar.

> "in a GNU/Linux virtual machine"
> This means that the image itself is a GNU/Linux operating
> system, yes?  Because it could easily be confused to mean
> that VMWare or VirtualBox need to be running on a GNU/Linux
> machine.  I don't think this adds anything to the sentence.
>
> "install the VirtualBox package of your distribution"
> Suggest "from your distribution".
>
> "Download the GNOME 2.26 VMWare Live Demo:"
> This sentence is immediately following by the paragraph that
> just says "Download:", which is a bit redundant.  Then that
> list-header-like paragraph is following by list-header-like
> paragraphs.  Suggest you drop the above sentence as well as
> "Download:" and redo the list headers as such:
>  "Download GNOME 2.26 for VMWare Player or Workstation:"
>  "Download GNOME 2.26 for VMWare ESX Server:"
>
> "RunGNOME" -> "Run GNOME"
>
> "using QEMU on GNU/Linux or Parallels for Mac or GNU/Linux"
> Lots of prepositions make it hard for the reader to group
> things.  It's a bit of a garden path.  Suggest repeating
> "using" to make it more clear: "using QEMU on GNU/Linux or
> using Parallels on Mac or GNU/Linux".  Is "Mac" the right
> way to refer to it?  Should we say "Mac OS X"?
>
> Does "Live Demo" need to be capitalized?
>
> "To run in QEMU or KVM in a terminal type:" ->
> "To run the live demo in QEMU or KVM, type the following
>  in a terminal:"
>
> "If you'd like to create your own distributions or simply
> want to help developing GNOME?"
> That's not a question.  Or a sentence.
>
>
> Thanks,
>
> --
> Shaun McCance
> http://syllogist.net/
>
>

Didn't even notice some of these. The more eyes the better...

Best,

Darton