Something light from South Africa

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African
Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it 
rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around 
watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
 
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the 
railroad > tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send 
me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in 
South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which 
does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday 
night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get 
here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, 
which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every 
Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come 
naked. 

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. 
Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all 
year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. 
Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can 
dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. 
All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely 
handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


Uwe

-- 
The doctor to his patient: "If this is the thermometer, where the
heck is my pen?"


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