Re: Video ad for kde - Code in

On Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 7:43 PM, Aaron J. Seigo <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Friday, December 10, 2010, Claudio Desideri wrote:
>> Hello again :).
>
> a possible revision on the text:
>
> ===
> We started with an idea a long time ago
> and developed it further to be efficient.
> We created a community and involved people
> to make software that just works
>
> Then we chose to make it beautiful.
> We chose to adopt new perspectives.
> We chose alternatives to uniformity.
> We chose to create a community that is
> both work and enjoyment.
>
> We are not free because we chose,
> we choose because we are free.
>
> And so you can you.
> Be free. Choose KDE.
> ===
>
> thoughts? :)
>
> --
> Aaron J. Seigo


This is outstanding.

I especially like the repetition of "We chose".

There's one thing that doesn't go "clunk" for me...

> We started with an idea a long time ago
> and developed it further to be efficient.

For me this represents the history of KDE up to KDE4 (which is
represented by the "we chose" stanza). If this is so, then it doesn't
grab me like the rest. The "idea" started in 1996. Depending on who is
reading/hearing this, that is not a long time ago (although there
might be disagreement in terms of Internet Time.). That phrase
conjures castles and fairy tales. So maybe something like...
"We started with an idea years ago"

And it was not just any idea, it was an idea to make the Unix desktop
easy, more usable, more consistent. I imagine that, at the time, this
idea was quite an innovation.

To a lesser degree, there is another thing that could be stronger...
"We chose alternatives to uniformity."
"Alternatives" is ho-hum-ish. "Creativity" would work, but it kinda
appears in the following line. I like "imaginative", still too boring.
"Ingenuity"? Hmmm, a bit of a rhyme. "Elegance"? Nice riff off of
Aaron's Akademy jazz wail. Feels redundant with the earlier
"beautiful". Maybe use "elegant" instead of "beautiful", but that
seems like something yet to come.

So how about...

Years ago,
we started with an idea to make things easy
and developed it further to be efficient.

Then we chose to make it beautiful.
We chose new perspectives.
We chose ingenuity over uniformity.
We chose to create a community that is
both work and enjoyment.

We are not free because we chose,
we choose because we are free.

And so can you.
Be free. Choose KDE.


Carl
 
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