RE: Summing up and moving on (I hope)

Dale,

> > > > What do you do as a coach if the Customer and the developers are
> > > > talking past one another and not reaching any mutual
> > > > understanding.
> > >
> > > Rephrase. Try to translate from one to the other. In passing, that
> > > shows them other ways of saying things.
> > >
> > > Explain. Explain to each side, in as close to their terms as I can
> > > get, how the other side's views might make sense.
> >
> > Sounds right. Sounds hard. Seems as if you would have to not only
> > understand both sides but understand what each side was failing to
> > understand.
> 
> In similar coaching situations, I don't have to know what each person
> isn't understanding.  A tactic I've found fruitful is to validate that
> I actually know what each person is saying.  Often, I find I didn't
> understand as well as I thought, and my question and the person's
> answer help everybody make a step forward.  If I *did* understand
> correctly, my paraphrasing often helps.

And of course if you didn't, that can help too.
 
> > Hypothetically, what if you as the coach actually can only see one
> > side of the argument. What then?
> 
> I find that I can usually make progress by noticing what *I* don't
> understand, and asking questions to clarify.  My main strategy as a
> coach is to pay careful attention to what's going on inside me
> (thoughts, feelings, puzzles, ...), and to make that available for the
> people I'm coaching.
> 
> You've seen examples on this list of how I do these things.  Sometimes
> they work, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes they make things worse. 
> (It works less well when the people involved haven't asked me to
> coach, and I'm butting in.)

Yes I have. You do it well. Sometimes the ground is fertile and
sometimes it isn't.

Charlie Poole
[email protected]
www.pooleconsulting.com
www.charliepoole.org






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