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Bertha was a very pretty girl. Quite a lot of young men wanted to marry
her, but she was not satisfied with any of  them. One day, one of the young
men came to visit her and asked her to become his wife. She answered, "No,
John,I won't marry you.I want to marry a man who is famous, who can play
music m sing and dance very well, who can tell interesting stories, who does
not smoke or drink , who stays at home in the evenings and who stops talking
when I'm tired of listening."The young man got up, took his coat and went to
the door, but before he left the house, he turned and said to Bertha, "It
isn't a man you're looking for. It's a television set."
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double
martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his
shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that
one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double
martini. Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis
all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket
before you order a refill." The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of
my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home." 
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