Re: Reasons To, Reasons Not To

Dale,
I was hoping for a real example of you making contact with someone using the themes.  You know like Person A said "blah blah blah."  And Dale responded with "bleh bleh bleh."  And so on.  Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.
Wayne.


----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Dale Emery 
  To: [email protected] 
  Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2003 3:24 PM
  Subject: Re: [resistance] Reasons To, Reasons Not To


  Hi Wayne,

  > > I guess I'm imagining that if I understood some of the common
  > > themes, that might give me some ideas for how to make contact
  > > with the person I'm interacting with.
  >
  > I'm not sure I'm on the same page with you. An example might
  > help me get there.  Can you give an example of how?

  Before I started noticing themes in these responses, it hadn't 
  occurred to me that relationships and respect, for example, could 
  be so common an issue.  Before I discovered that, my approach to 
  resistance was to focus on the logic of the change.  When I 
  focused on that, I made contact only with the intellectual parts 
  of the person.  Noticing these themes gives me a richer set of 
  ways to make contact, starting with making contact with how I 
  feel about the relationship.

  This stuff seems obvious to me now.  It wasn't obvious before I 
  noticed the patterns.

  Another example: two reasons I learned a lot from were, "People 
  might find out I can't do it" and "/I/ might find out I can't do 
  it."  (I just noticed that I didn't include these two reasons in 
  the list.  D'oh!  I've now added them.)

  Some of the other reasons are about not being able to do what was 
  requested.  These two seem deeper.  They are about self-image, 
  about how the person /feels/ about not being able to do what was 
  requested.

  So when I'm making a request, how can I make contact with the 
  person in a way is less likely to trigger that response?  How can 
  I make contact in a way that respects that vulnerability, and 
  offers less of a threat?  Is there something I can do that would 
  provide some safety around that vulnerability?  How can I make 
  contact in a way that would allow me to notice that I've touched 
  on the person's feeling of competence?

  I'm not necessarily looking for answers to these questions ahead 
  of time.  What's important to me is that noticing the pattern 
  helped me to see that self-image and vulnerabilities around 
  competence may be important.

  Does that help you to see what I'm hoping to do with this thread?

  Dale

  -- 
  Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
  Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)



        Yahoo! Groups Sponsor 
       
       

  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
  [email protected]



  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. 


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Get A Free Psychic Reading! Your Online Answer To Life's Important Questions.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/Lj3uPC/Me7FAA/ySSFAA/X1EolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

 

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/