Re: Seeking feedback for a learning activity

Hello Dale,

I know it's a few days past, but maybe this post will still be helpfull 
to you.
I can't decide whether I understand your statements, only you can decide 
whether I understand them.
So I will write down what I read into the statements and you can see how 
strange or to the point my interpretations are.

Dale Emery wrote:
> a. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

I read this as: Try to understand the other person, before you try to 
convince him/her.

> b. Adjust the context so that it better supports [the] idea
>     you are advocating.

I would try to explain a context under which my idea is valid. This 
should help the other person see why my idea is good.

> c. Check your communication.

I reflect on the way I communicate with the other person to see whether 
I'm communicating in a strange way, like sending mixed messages.

> d. Acknowledge the losses.

I give in and drop my idea.

> e. Identify the information in the resistance.

I try to figure out why the other person is resisting. Is there some 
situations or context that I'm missing, that makes my idea invalid? Do I 
need to adapt my idea somewhat?

> f. Explain your motivations and expectations about the
>     idea you are advocating.

I explain more background why I think my idea is good.

> g. Attend to your needs, the other person's needs, and
>     the needs of the context.

I consider why I think the idea is good and helpfull. I consider what 
the other person and the context needs. Are these needs fulfilled by my 
idea? If not in what way not? How can I adapt my idea to fulfill all the 
needs?

> h. Apply rewards and punishments.

I punish the people that are resisting and reward the people that 
support my idea. This implies that I am in a somewhat "supperior" 
position, so I can give rewards and punishments.

> i. Identify what you want for yourself, what you want
>     for the other person, and what you want for the relationship.

I try to find out what I want for myself, what I want for the other 
person and in what way I value our relationship. This boils down to: 
What are my motives?

> j. Identify what makes this issue so important to you.

I consider why I think my idea is good. In what way does it help me? 
What need of mine is fulfilled when applying the idea?

> k. Invite the other person to express concerns and feelings.

I seek to understand the other persons concern.

> l. Ask yourself what would lead a competent, intelligent,
>     sincere, well-meaning person to behave that way.

Don't discard the other persons, just because he/she is resisting. The 
person is still reasonable and I may be missing something that explains 
the resistance and that is a valid reason.

Greetings,
    Malte


 
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