Re: Discovering people's internal responses

Dale,
Great list! Many of the responses are familiar to me.

>What patterns do you see in the responses?

I don't see many. Maybe I'm resisting. One thing I notice is the responses do not seem to further the interaction.  I'm hesitant to say that because I don't have the context in which these responses took place.  I don't know anything about the rest of the interaction. Also, regarding any response resistance is an interpretation on the part of the receiver of the response. As I look at the list I can see other possible interpretations for each response. For example,

Person A says, "Things are okay the way they are."  Person A might mean he knows things could be much better, but settles for the way they are.

There are a few exceptions, but there are a lot of "we" and "it" pronouns.  Those responses are generalized and vague. It is hard to tell where the responder as an individual stands. It does not appear any contact has been made between the responder and the receiver in each case.

That leads to your next question.  In my earlier statement I should have said, "In my experience it takes some effort and tools to discover what's really going on with a person when I perceive he is resisting me."

>How do you go about making contact?

You have demonstrated one way of making contact with the way you asked us to introduce ourselves. The three questions in their various forms are making contact questions.

>Once you've made contact,what tools help you discover people's real resistance?

I would ask this a little differently.  Once you've made contact, what tools help you check out what you perceive is a person's resistance.

Two tools come to mind. Satir's ingredients of an interaction model and Gary Chapmans's 5 levels of communication. (References: The Satir Model, Family Therapy and Beyond, V. Satir et al, 1991 Science and Behavior Books, Inc., Palo Alto, CA; Communication and Intimacy, Gary Chapman & Betty Hassler, 1992, Nashville:Lifeway Press)

Wayne.




----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Dale Emery 
  To: [email protected] 
  Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2003 4:50 PM
  Subject: [resistance] Discovering people's internal responses


  Hi Wayne,

  > Yes, let's explore.  The responses we see and hear from people
  > are often (maybe always) their outside response.

  Yes.  I've gathered lots of examples of responses, as seen and 
  heard by people promoting change.  I've posted a hundred or so here:

  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/resistance-as-a-resource/files/resistance-examples.txt

  Some of these responses give clear information about the losses 
  people expect.  Others are less clear.  I've mined these 
  responses (and lists of answers to some other questions) to look 
  for patterns.  I created my model of resistance from that.  What 
  patterns do you see in the responses?

  > In my experience the real resistance is inside and it requires
  > some effort and tools to discover it.  Before you can discover
  > it though you first have to make contact.  Telling people they
  > shouldn't be afraid or that they should get over the inevitable
  > are not effective ways of making contact in my opinion.

  How do you go about making contact?  Once you've made contact, 
  what tools help you discover people's real resistance?

  By the way, my questions are for anyone who cares to answer them.

  Dale

  -- 
  Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
  Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)


        Yahoo! Groups Sponsor 

             
       
       

  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
  [email protected]



  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. 


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Rent DVDs from home.
Over 14,500 titles. Free Shipping
& No Late Fees. Try Netflix for FREE!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/BVVfoB/hP.FAA/uetFAA/X1EolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

 

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/