The Straight Dope 02/04/2005

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 02/04/2005

Dear Cecil:

Recently I came across an article in the Boston Globe stating,
essentially, that a woman drank some Listerine, drove, and was
subsequently arrested for DUI. I had previously thought that the
"specially denatured" alcohol used in mouthwashes and other cosmetic
products did not intoxicate when ingested. Obviously, someone is wrong
here, and I fear it may be me. I plead for your wisdom on this subject.
--Casey Bennett, via e-mail

Dear cecil, can you actually get drunk on mouthwash, vanilla extract etc
etc. thanx dude --dustyheathens aka dwayne, via e-mail

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Cecil replies:

Listerine abuse has got to be the stupidest form of private amusement
since . . . well, I was about to say since biblical knowledge of the
Hoover Dustette (see penis, surgical repair of wounds to), but on
reflection I have to say intravenous lettuce injection, recently
discussed in this space, is also up there. Anyway, to answer your
collective questions briefly, no, denaturing of alcohol, special or
otherwise, does not render it incapable of causing intoxication, and
yes, you can get pretty hammered if you drink enough, although why
anyone of legal drinking age would want to do so is a question that
defies linear thought.

Many mouthwashes contain alcohol--original formula Listerine is 26.9
percent alcohol, making it approximately 54 proof (other flavors contain
less). Denatured makes it sound like they take out of alcohol whatever's
normally in it that gets you drunk, but in fact all they do is put other
stuff in to make it undrinkable (except by the truly desperate) and in
some cases poisonous. Why denature, you ask? 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/050204.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

Why don't we have lightning when we have a snowstorm? Rainstorms produce
it all the time, and we have precipitation falling from the sky in both
situations, so why not lightning too? --Lisa H., St. Paul, MN

SDSTAFF Una replies:

It's possible to have lightning during a snowstorm. I personally
witnessed it just last November, when my ladyfriend and I were awakened
several times by crashing thunder while several inches of snow was
falling. The conditions generally needed for lightning-producing storms
are low-level humidity, low-level air instability, and strong dynamic
updrafts of air. These conditions are usually absent in winter, so
thunderstorms then are rare. However, when the right conditions are
present, snowy winter thunderstorms called "thundersnow" can form.

The mechanism by which lightning is produced is complex and imperfectly
understood, but we know moisture is important in two respects. 

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mthundersnow.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 01/11/1985

Dear Cecil: 

Some of us were sitting around the other night and came up with some
questions about a well-known part of the male anatomy. Do they keep, you
know, records for the longest and/or widest? If so, what are they (the
records, that is)?   Also, legend has it that certain ethnic groups are
better endowed on average than others. Is there any truth to this?
--F.P., Baltimore  

Dear F.:  

I am not aware of any systematic attempt to determine the world's longest
male member. Specimens as long as 13 inches (when erect) and as short
as 3 inches have been reported.   

When you get to talking about averages, though, it's another story. The
famous sex research pioneer Alfred C. Kinsey kept track of all kinds of
weird stuff when he was doing his surveys. Penis length (and girth) were
among the things he studied.   

The results are recorded in a fascinating volume called The Kinsey Data
(Gebhard and Johnson, editors, 1979). This includes tables on topics
like "Which Testicle Lower in Scrotum," "Incidence of Playing Strip Poker,"
and "Extent of Sexual Contact with Animals." (Like I say, the doc was
a mighty curious guy.)  

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_193.html

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