The Straight Dope 01/31/2003

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 01/31/2003

Dear Cecil:

I am a history teacher at LaPorte High School in LaPorte,
Indiana (you know, that place that Stanley Changnon said
had the worst weather in the United States). Anyway, my
students and I would like to know how we can become UN
weapons inspectors and how much the job pays. We would
also like to know if you get benefits and get to keep
those vehicles that they drive around Iraq. Do you get
jumpsuits with your name on them like the Ghostbusters
had? Thanks for your time. I use your dope in class
all the time. --Your pal, R.J. Otis

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Cecil replies:

Let's chill on using dope in class, R.J.--you don't want to
set a bad example. As for getting jobs as weapons inspectors,
you guys are a little late--the UN Monitoring, Verification
and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC) started hiring three
years ago, when it appointed Hans Blix executive chairman.
Not that you would've had much chance of landing his job.
While I don't wish to deprecate the skills required to be a
history teacher in LaPorte, Indiana, Dr. Blix was director
general of the International Atomic Energy Agency from 1981
to 1997 and has a cool Swedish accent besides. Then again,
many claim Blix was chosen in the belief that he'd go easier
on Iraq than the guy the U.S. and UK wanted, Rolf Ekeus. If
the goal was not to find anything, why couldn't the UN have
appointed a bunch of high school students and saved some
bucks?

Never fear, you may still have a chance.

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030131.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

I came across something the other day and wondered
how much of it was Internet fabrication--namely, a
claim that the U.S. had plans to invade Canada (called
the "Red army" in the plans) sometime after WW1. First,
is this true? Second, if it is true, why? Aside from
the War of 1812 and the Fenian revolt in the 1860s,
both of which were directed at England, I always
thought U.S./Canada relations were pretty friendly. 
And speaking of the Fenian revolt, how real of a real
threat was it? My preliminary research suggests the
Fenians didn't manage to amass many troops on the U.S.
side of the border, leading me to conclude that they
were swatted down pretty easily. --Mister Biggles

SDSTAFF bibliophage replies:

U.S. plans to invade Canada after the First World War?
This is one of the most bizarre stories I've come across
on the Internet, and the most bizarre part is that it's
true. The U.S. military really did develop a "Joint Army
and Navy Basic War Plan--Red" in the 1920s and '30s, and
it really did include provisions for an invasion of
Canada by the United States. 

The document was declassified in 1974, so this isn't
really a new story, but there has been some hoopla
about it lately. Concerns in some quarters
notwithstanding, the whole thing was just a theoretical
exercise in military planning. The brass would have
made better use of their resources planning for a war
with Germany, but that wasn't politically expedient.
They reasoned that planning for unlikely wars was better
than no planning at all. War Plan Red was never intended
to be put into action except in the event of a war with
the United Kingdom, an eventuality that everyone would
agree was highly unlikely after about 1900. 

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mcanadawar.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 05/18/1973

Dear Cecil: 

We were discussing weather the other day--specifically,
crappy weather, and what causes it. I seem to recall
reading somewhere that big cities were a major cause
of bad weather, due to pollution and the like--and I
don't mean just smog, I mean clouds and rain and things
like that. Is this true? Is there any scientific
proof? --Sandy N., Baltimore

Dear Sandy:

Big cities do have a major impact on the weather,
although the effect isn't uniformly dismal. For one
thing, big cities tend to be warmer, which is obviously
useful in the winter. But they also seed the skies
with a lot more dust, which gives rise to a lot more
rain. 

One of the most striking scientific demonstrations
of this was a study of the so-called "La Porte weather
anomaly" conducted by Stanley Changnon, an atmospheric
scientist. La Porte is a town in northwest Indiana
just east of Chicago that has notoriously bad
weather--this in a region that is not exactly known
for its balmy clime to begin with. 
                                            
For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_158a.html

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