The Straight Dope 04/11/2003

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 04/11/2003

Dear Cecil:

Since you've already covered the Bush family's relationship to the
Nazis (thank you), I thought maybe you'd also cover another timely
topic. I've heard many times and in many places (but none
mainstream that I can think of) that George W. Bush was AWOL 
for at least a year from the National Guard during Vietnam (after "jumping
the line" to get a slot in the guard in the first place). For some reason 
I'm not sure why), I have trust in the Straight Dope. Can you tell me/us if 
the person sending others to war in Iraq was really derelict in his military
duties? How serious an offense would that behavior have been considered,
generally, during the Vietnam war? Lastly, if George was actually AWOL,
and that would have been the equivalent of a felony for most  people, why
haven't we been hearing about this issue? --Kerry J. Johnson, Bellingham,
Washington

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Cecil replies:

Yeah, the mainstream media have really kept a lid on this one. We wouldn't
know anything about Bush going AWOL if it hadn't been for that obscure
underground newspaper the Boston Globe, which broke the story nationally
in May 2000. But you're right that coverage has been pretty thin. A few months
after the 2000 election, former Bill Clinton adviser Paul Begala said he'd 
done a Nexis search and found 13,641 stories about Clinton's alleged draft
dodging versus 49 about George W. Bush's military record. Why the disparity?
We'll get to that. First the basics:

Yes, it's true, Bush didn't report to his guard unit for an extended 
period--17 months, by one account. It wasn't considered that serious
an offense at the  time, and if circumstances were different now I'd be 
inclined to write it off  as youthful irresponsibility. However, given the
none- too-subtle suggestion by the Bush administration that opponents
of our Iraqi excursion lack martial  valor, I have to say: You guys should 
talk.

Here's the story as generally agreed upon: 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030411.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

Would you help us sort fact from fiction regarding California's
version of Robin Hood, the outlaw Joaquin Murieta?
 --Jennifer Karlsson

SDSTAFF Veg replies:

That's not too difficult, Jennifer:

Fact: In the early 1850s, a cattle thief by the name of Joaquin Murieta 
apparently existed.

Fiction: Most everything else you've heard about him.

Well, it's not quite THAT simple. But almost. I obtained much of the following
information from Bad Company: The Story of California's Legendary and Actual
Stage-Robbers, Bandits, Highwaymen and Outlaws from the Fifties to the
Eighties, by Joseph Henry Jackson, written in 1939. An excellent read.

By the early 1850s, the gold rush in California was in full swing. There were 
lots of gold mines, mined by lots of gold miners. Where there's smoke,
there's fire, and where there's loot, there's bandits, and so it was in 
California's gold country.

Not much was known about even the most notable bandits, save the fact that
many of them seemed to be named Joaquin. According to reports, one band
of outlaws included at least five Joaquins: Carrillo, Valenzuela, Ocomorenia, 
Botellier (or Botilleras), and Murieta.

In the spring of 1853, the state legislature got into the picture (and you
know how government intervention always helps solve problems). The first
proposal was to offer a reward of $5,000 for apprehending "Joaquin," dead
or alive.  This idea was rejected. But an act was passed authorizing a Texas
transplant named  Harry Love to form a posse, not to exceed 20 men, in 
order to attempt to capture the "party or gang of robbers commanded by the
five Joaquins" within three months.  The act was approved by Governor Bigler,
and Mr. Love and his rangers set out on May 11, 1853--spurred on, no doubt,
by a reward offered by none other than the governor himself of $1,000 for any
Joaquin captured or killed. Sorta makes "three strikes" look like a cakewalk
by comparison, don't it?

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmurieta.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 08/10/1979

Dear Cecil: 
    
Since I gave up smoking cigarettes three years ago, cigars, joints, 
and women have been surrogates for my oral fixation. However,
I find the substitute that spends the most time in my mouth is
toothpicks. This intimacy has stirred my curiosity as to their
origin. It's hard to imagine a crew of minimum-wage craftsmen
whittling perfect little javelins from tree branches, so I assume they
have some sort of processed wood product that they press into 
forms. But how do they maintain the grain? I rest my dilemma in
your hands, Cecil--and while you're at it, find out what family of tree
it is that regularly lies twixt cheek and gum. --Todd F., Dallas

Cecil replies:

I don't know that I would go around resting my dilemma in other
people's hands if I were you, Todd. You could get arrested. Toothpick
makers get wood grain into their toothpicks by the simple expedient
of not taking it out in the first place. Remarkable as it may seem in
this synthetic age, the modern toothpick is made out of unreconstituted
virgin white birch, just as its predecessors have been since after the
Civil War, when Charles Forster invented the automatic
toothpick-making machine.  

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_176.html

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