The Straight Dope 04/25/2003

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 04/25/2003

Dear Cecil:

I know you probably don't know yet, and aren't too
keen on finding out (I quote, "Just don't ask me to
explain 'Stairway to Heaven'"), but just what is
the song "Stairway to Heaven" about? My two favorite
songs are "Hotel California" and "Stairway to
Heaven." You explained HC very well, but S2H remains
a mystery. Help! 
--Charlie Kininmonth, Sussex, England

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Cecil replies:

I've been putting this off for 30 years. Time to bite
the bullet. But first you must understand that rock
lyrics, like the quantum mechanical universe, are
subject to a sort of Heisenberg uncertainty principle--
that is, we can't truly know the truth but merely
glimpse it, as through a glass darkly, etc. (And no,
I'm not reprinting the words to "Stairway to Heaven"--
anybody who can't remember them after more than three
decades of steady airplay probably can't read anyway.)
With that caveat out of the way, some theories about
the song:

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030425.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

Why do they call a no-win situation a "Catch-22"?
--Nick Gabaly

SDSTAFF Dex replies:

You know you're old when people ask about the origin
of phrases that were introduced in your lifetime. 

The phrase "Catch-22" comes from the book of that
name by Joseph Heller (1923-1999), published in 1961.
Catch-22 is a wonderful book, full of dark humor and
absurdity, satirizing war, military bureaucracy, and
by extension modern life and the ways in which they
destroy the human spirit. 

The word "catch" of course is used in the sense of
snare, snag or entanglement.

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mcatch22.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 05/06/1983

Dear Cecil: 

Forget the dumb questions and answer one of real
importance. Why are ketchup bottles tall and thin,
while mustard bottles are short and fat? The
Freudian implications are obvious, but what's the
real reason? --David F., Chicago

Dear David:

Your letter has restored my faith, David; I was
starting to think the Teeming Millions were obsessed
with trivia. We start by noting that the crucial
difference between ketchup and mustard bottles
isn't so much the shape of the container as the size
of the mouth. After years of scientific study,
condiment researchers discovered that whereas most
people delicately daub mustard on with a knife,
ketchup they pretty much slobber over everything
straight out of the bottle. That's because mustard
is a pungent substance that will burn holes in the
roof of your mouth if used to excess, thereby giving
us the thrill of living on the edge of danger that
is so lacking in contemporary life. Ketchup, in
contrast, is bland. (Cecil does not use a lot of
ketchup.)

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_181.html

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