RE: Review of draft-ietf-ipcdn-pktc-mtamib-04.txt

Dave,

   Thank you again for your comments. 
   See my responses to the "MUST fix" items inline. 

More to follow.
Jean-Francois.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dave Thaler [mailto:[email protected]] 
> Sent: Thursday, August 05, 2004 12:33 AM
> To: [email protected]; Jean-Francois Mule
> Cc: [email protected]; Wijnen, Bert (Bert); 
> [email protected]; C. M. Heard
> Subject: [ipcdn] Review of draft-ietf-ipcdn-pktc-mtamib-04.txt
> 
> 
> Here's my MIB Doctor review of this document and what I believe
> MUST/SHOULD/MAY be fixed.
> 
> MUST fix
> --------
> 1) There is no IANA Considerations section, and this is now 
> required in
> the
>    new guidelines.  The draft needs something like (based on the
> template 
>    in the guidelines):
> 
>        9. IANA Considerations
> 
>        The MIB module in this document uses the following 
> IANA-assigned
>        OBJECT IDENTIFIER values recorded in the SMI Numbers registry:
> 
>        Descriptor        OBJECT IDENTIFIER value
>        ----------        -----------------------
>        pktcMtaMib        { mib-2 XXX }
> 
>        Editor's Note (to be removed prior to publication):  
> the IANA is
>        requested to assign a value for "XXX" under the 'mib-2'
>        subtree and to record the assignment in the SMI 
> Numbers registry.
>        When the assignment has been made, the RFC Editor is asked to
>        replace "XXX" (here and in the MIB module) with the assigned
>        value and to remove this note.

Ok - done: IANA section added.

 
> 2) The page header on pages 2-51 says July 2002
Ok - done.


> 3) MIB Guidelines say
>     If the module was developed by an IETF working group, then the
>     ORGANIZATION clause MUST provide the full name of the 
> working group
>                                          ^^^^^^^^^
> 
>    The draft just uses the WG acronym:
>        ORGANIZATION "IETF IPCDN Working Group "
Ok - replaced with:
    ORGANIZATION "IETF IP over Cable Data Network Working Group"


> 4) The LAST-UPDATED date predates the REVISION date:
>        LAST-UPDATED "200406160000Z" -- June 16, 2004
>        REVISION     "200407160000Z"
>                           ^
Ok - done: updated the revision date & aligned the 2.


> 5) pktcMtaBasicSmtaCompliance contains
>        MODULE DOCS-CABLE-DEVICE-MIB
>            MANDATORY-GROUPS {
>                docsDevSoftwareGroupV2
>            }
>    but RFC2669 is not referenced as a normative reference
>    and docsDevSoftwareGroupV2 isn't in there anyway, only
>    docsDevSoftwareGroup.  Is this blocked on the progression 
> of another
>    document containing this?  Looks like this used to be in
>    draft-ietf-ipcdn-device-mibv2-*.txt which has now expired.

Yes.
Your comment raised a number of issues I have corrected in the ID:
5.a. 	section 3.6 on Secure Software Download updated:
      The issue was that this section claimed that the
docsDevSoftwareGroupV2 group was defined in the IETF BPI+ (this is
wrong). The section now says:
... the MTA MIB and the S-MTA compliance modules also rely on two MIB
object groups:
   - docsBpi2CodeDownloadGroup defined in the IETF BPI Plus MIB module
(DOCS-IETF-BPI2-MIB [RFCyyyy]), and,
   - docsDevSoftwareGroupV2 defined in the IETF Cable Devicev2 MIB
module (DOCS-CABLE-DEVICE-MIB [RFCyyy]).      

5.b.  added DOCS-CABLE-DEVICE-MIB as a normative reference

 
> 6) SEQUENCE element #4 `pktcMtaDevCmsSolicitedKeyTimeout' 
> does not match
> 
>    order of columnar objects under `pktcMtaDevCmsEntry'.
>    Should swap the following two lines:
>        pktcMtaDevCmsSolicitedKeyTimeout          Unsigned32,
>        pktcMtaDevCmsMaxClockSkew                 Unsigned32,
Ok - done: good catch, fixed.


> 7) pktcMtaDevProvisioningState has 'passWithWarning' (singular) in the
>    enum, but 'passWithWarnings' (plural) twice in the DESCRIPTION.
Ok - done: passWithWarnings (plural).

>    Also has 'failOtherReason' in the enum but 'failureOtherReason' 
>    in the DESCRIPTION.
Ok - done: good catch, changed the enum to failureOtherReason.

 
> 8) The comment on page 29 refers to
> draft-ietf-ipcdn-pktc-signaling-02.txt
>    This should be added to the references section of the doc.
It is already referenced in the informative ref section.
[RFCzzz]  Beacham G., Kumar S., Channabasappa S., "Network Control
          Signaling (NCS) Signaling MIB for PacketCable and
          IPCablecom Multimedia Terminal Adapters (MTAs)", RFCzzz, 
          Monthzzz, 2004.


>    Also grammar error "Upper case must be use to"
>                                           ^^^
Ok - done.

 
> 9) Typo in DESCRIPTION of pktcMtaDevCmsKerbRealmName:
>    realm table (pktcMtaDevRealmtable)."
>                                ^ capitalize
Ok - done.

 
> 10) The DESCRIPTION of pktcMtaDevRealmTgsGracePeriod has weird
> indentation,
>     and includes weird characters (as do several other objects).
Ok - done: fixed a number of these weird characters.