Re: DPB August 05

Grzegorz Szymaszek <[email protected]> Tue, 8 Aug 2023 19:59:36 +0200
Newsgroups	gmane.linux.debian.devel.publicity
Message-ID	<ZNKCiJ5s8YevaihQ@nx64de-df6d00>
On Tue, Aug 08, 2023 at 06:38:04PM +0200, Jean-Pierre Giraud wrote:
> I send new draft with all the suggestions applied [...] Last reviews ?

Let me add a few more suggestions. I recognize some could be applied
before the DPB was published on the website, but I was a bit late to the
party. Thanks for considering my comments!


> Debian 30 anos
> 
> [...]
> 
> >From August 14 to 18, between 7pm and 22pm (UTC-3) contributors will
> talk online in Portuguese and we will live stream on Debian Brasil
> YouTube channel [9].

s/>From /From /


> MiniDebConf Brasília 2023
> 
> >From May 25 to 27, Brasília hosted the MiniDebConf Brasília 2023 [22].

s/>From /From /


> Bookworm's first point release 12.1 [35] addresses miscellaneous bug

IMHO
s/release 12.1 [35] /release, 12.1 [35], /


> fixes affecting 88 packages, documentation, and installer updates was
> made available on July 22, 2023 [36].

Again IMHO
s/installer updates was made/installer updates, was made/


> Example of the sources.list file
> 
>   [...]
>   deb http://deb.debian.org/debian bookworm-updates main
>   deb-src http://deb.debian.org/debian bookworm-updates main

The above was fixed, but the below is still indented the old way:

>    Example using the components:
> 
> deb http://deb.debian.org/debian bookworm main non-free-firmware
> deb-src http://deb.debian.org/debian bookworm main non-free-firmware
> [...]


>   * trafficserver [46] - Several vulnerabilities were discovered [...]
>   * asterisk [47] - A flaw was found in Asterisk, an Open Source [...]
> [and the next points]

I would start the comments with lowercase letters.


> Popular packages
> 
> [...]
>   * sensible-utils - Utilities for sensible alternative [...]
>   * popularity-contest - The popularity-contest package [...]

I would start the comments with lowercase letters.


>   * Toolkit for scalable simulation of distributed applications [54]
> Open Lighting Architecture - RDM Responder Tests SimGrid is a [...]
>   * LDraw mklist program [55] 3D CAD programs [...]
>   * Open Lighting Architecture - RDM Responder Tests [56] The DMX512
> [...]
>   * parsec-service [57] Parsec is an abstraction layer that can [...]
>   * Simple network calculator and lookup tool [58] Process and [...]
>   * High performance, open source CPU/GPU miner and RandomX
> benchmark [59] XMRig is a high performance, [...]
>   * Ping, but with a graph - Rust source code [60] This package [...]

I think dashes between the synopsis and the (possibly started with
lowercase letters, where it makes sense) long description would aid
readability.


> Once upon a time in Debian:
> ---------------------------

Stray colon.


> Your Publicity team is asking for help from you our readers, developers,

IMHO
s/from you our readers/from you, our readers/
(or a colon, or even a dash)
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