Re: Bits post: DebConf24 closes in Busan and DebConf25 dates announced

Jean-Pierre Giraud <[email protected]> writes:

> We would very much appreciate reviews.

> https://salsa.debian.org/publicity-team/bits/-/blob/master/content/2024/debconf24/debconf24-closes.md?ref_type=heads

some thoughts

Overall, given it is about a group of people getting together it feels
rather missing a human element -- and there seems not very much specific
to this specific conference (apparently everything was a "traditional"
activity? not sure that gives a great impression?)
-- can you namecheck and thank more people?
-- are there any quotes or feedback from attendees
about what they learned/did/enjoyed at the conference?
-- were any issues resolved or decisions made?
-- is there a quote from the organiser or project leader saying how great it all was?

- Something has gone wrong with the first line
"Title: DebConf24 closes in Busan and DebConf25 dates announced Date: 2024-08-10 16:00 Tags: debconf24, debconf25, announce, debconf Slug: debconf24-closes Author: Jean-Pierre Giraud and Donald Norwood Artist: Aigars Mahinovs Image: /images/debconf24_group_photo.jpg Status: published"

- Looks like a broken link to a group photo

- "Over 339 attendees representing 48 countries"
Is an attendee really "representing" their country - do you mean "from" here?

- "Birds of a Feather (BoF) gatherings," -- will readers know what that means?

- The bit about debcamp sounded interesting, could you give some
examples of what people did there?

I think you should avoid phrases like "geared to" and "collaboration" as
they read like advertising-speak.  the whole para is one sentence, so
splitting it up would help.

- "Individual" should not be capitalised.
- hyphenate Debian-related

- Is the para starting "This year" about debcamp or a separate thing - it
reads as separate but then the next para suggests the same?

- You say several things are 'traditional', but will readers know what
they are?  could you link to a video of the talks, say more about "internal
projects and teams"?

- Is "F/OSS" correct spelling?

- "Several traditional activities were performed" "performed" is
  probably not what you mean here!

- "most of the talks and sessions were videoed for live room streams "
what is a "live room stream" and why whas a video made for it -- do you
just mean "most of the talks and other sessions were recorded"?

- Is the IRC logs mentioned available?

- What is "UTP", what is a "country Geoip viewer"
- are these stats more or less than last year?

- the day trips sounds interesting - can you say more about these (where,
  who went, what did they do? are there no photos?)

- "On-line" should not be capitalised

- "active for archival purposes" is a bit contradictory. Do you mean "remain available" or "will be archived"?

- "team work towards improving the distribution"
   -  how can you "focus" on both "individual" and "team" work? doesnt that suggest no focus?
   -  do you mean "focus on teamwork to help improve Debian?

- I found the sudden reference to the code of conduct very jarring - is
  the intent to hint that there was some issues at the conference? if
  so, it would be better to tackle it head-on condemn bad behaviour! if
  not, i wonder whether it is needed, given the conference is over -- if
  you do want to include it, maybe find a more positive way to link to
  it, eg you could thank everyone for complying with the code of conduct
  and making the conference fun/friendly/inclusive/whatever it was?
  
 hope that is helpful!