Re: Bookworm press release, please review and translate.

On 6/8/23 14:21, Justin B Rye wrote:
> Donald Norwood wrote:
>> We would very much appreciate reviews and translations for the work which is
>> available here:
> 
> A couple of lines I'm not sure about:
> 
>    <p>Debian 12 <q>bookworm</q> ships with several desktop applications and
>    environments. Amongst others it includes the desktop environments:
>    </p>
> 
> "Several desktop applications"?  I've got several desktop applications
> open right now.  Is it trying to say something like "several desktop
> environments each providing a full suite of applications"?
> 

I believe so, that wording has been in a few past release notes themselves and
then imported to the press side of the announcement near verbatim.  In the
Release Notes the updated applications are listed directly under that line,
however in the press announcement that information is not presented. It may be
ideal to change the wording to omit the omission:

"Debian 12 "bookworm" ships with several desktops environments, amongst others it
includes:"

I'd like to drop the phrase 'amongst others' substituting it with 'such as' since we are providing
a sample of the popular DEs and not doing a comparison of all of them.

> Also:
> 
>    <p>This release contains over <b>11,089</b> new packages for a total count of <b>64,419</b>
>    packages, along with a significant reduction of over <b>6,296</b> packages which
>    were marked as <q>obsolete</q> and removed. <b>43,254</b> packages were updated in
>    this release.
>                                                         
> It contains packages along with a reduction?  I'd suggest:
> 
>    <p>This release contains over <b>11,089</b> new packages for a total count of <b>64,419</b>
>    packages, while over <b>6,296</b> packages have been removed as obsolete. <b>43,254</b>
>    packages were updated in this release.
> 

I agree with your suggestion.

Thank you!


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Be well,

-Donald

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