The O2 isn't helping and I'm suicidal

My DME guy delivered the oxygen machine Friday night. Here it is Tuesday evening 
and it doesn't seem to have done a damn thing except for the tube wrapping 
itself around my legs when I try to get into bed. I actually feel _worse_ now 
than I did Friday.

I woke up this morning and promptly had a coughing fit and the dry heaves. The 
weather has turned damp and chilly, so my arthritis is acting up. Every movement 
hurts.

I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but I'm trying to get into a long-term 
inpatient program to deal with my multiple health problems. I found out Friday 
that if I go in, I lose my apartment (because it's Section 8 and you have to 
actually live in the unit to keep it). Homelessness is my number one fear, bar 
none. I've been homeless. I hated it. Now I have a choice of staying sick and 
keeping my home, or getting better and living on the streets.

The depression is just getting worse. I go back and forth between wanting to get 
an Uzi and start shooting random passersby, and wanting to get a fifth of Jim 
Beam and take all the pills in my house.

Life's a bitch.
-- 
D.F. Manno | [email protected]
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