Re: Catholic Church reverses course on bill to eliminate statute of limitations on sex abuse of minors

In the same way that justice requires the accuser, (or one acting on the
accuser's behalf in the context of crime), bear the burden of proof, justice
also requires a statute of limitations., .  The above mentality perpetuates
victimhood for those that really suffered abuse and ruins the lives of those
falsely accused of abuse.  

 

>**the statute issue is complex, and I see the point of both sides.   The
problem is that some of the people with victim mentalities really are actual
victims, and throttling their cases with a statute protects the abusers.  As
I said, it is complicated, and there should be a reasonable middle ground
somewhere..<

 

A middle ground between no statute of limitations and having a statute of
limitations?  That is a binary choice, with no middle ground possible.  You
can debate the time for a statute of limitations but that isn't what was
being proposed.

***apologies, I missed that aspect.  You are right there is no 'middle
ground'.   I think a reasonable statute makes sense.

 

It is my opinion that the "system" does as much damage to the victims of
abuse as the abuse itself.  

**I agree

 

It foists this notion that it is the worst thing ever than can happen to a
child and that a child has to be severely traumatized by abuse and is
incapable of getting over it.  I'm not minimizing abuse and if someone did
it to my children I would take matters into my own hands.  But the current
attitude/systemic milieu regarding abuse elevates the abuse to the level of
consuming its victim. Why do people never get over it?  

**I can testify to both sides on this.  I *am* a victim of child sexual
abuse.  I got over it just fine.  But I am not everyone, and my abuse, which
was brief and mild, pales in comparison to the abuse that was suffered by
someone I am very close to, who's abuse was severe and lengthy.  She has
*not* totally gotten over it, and likely never will. Though she is well
adjusted and not fragile, she also has triggers that bring flash backs 30
something years later.

**In fact, so do I, though I have not had one in several decades.    The
details matter in these case.

**so the law should reflect a way for the real victims to address it (my
second example cannot address it, her abuser is deceased) to help their
healing, not to mention protecting potential victims.  In my second example,
she actually nearly killed the abuser to force him to stay away from her
siblings.  But she and her sister who was also abused are damaged and that
cannot be undone.

**As I said, these are complex issues.  That said, you are absolutely right
that the system encourages victims, and I will go forward to say that it
enables victims as well as enabling false accusations.  Rather than healing,
a lot of cases, in my opinion, are people looking for a scapegrace and a
meal ticket.  

I don't have the absolute answer but I'm quite sure that telling someone
that abuse is something you never get over tends to set up a self-fulfilling
prophecy.  

**not always.  some people really do have abuse so deep that even when they
do put it behind them, it may resurface.  The human subconscious is devious.
I think they need to be told that they *can* get over it, and they need to
believe that the *should* get over it if they can.  The danger, which I do
not think you would disagree with, is that people are encouraged to *not*
get over it by being told they cannot, or do not need to get over it.  And
worse, the people told they can excuse other issues because of the abuse.
It becomes a way to absolve oneself from blame.

**I called a local radio station once in one of these debates, and told the
host about my abuse and how I got over it.  He asked me how I got over it,
and simply replied that I could be a victim all my life or I could live my
life and not be a victim, and the choice for me was obvious.  But that's
just me.

Telling people that that they never have to come to grips with it, (which is
what eliminating a statute of limitations and saying charges can brought
whenever an alleged victim feels up to it does), isn't helping people deal
with the abuse; it is perpetuating their "victimness" and turning it into
something that is part of the person as opposed to something that happened
to them.  

**as I said, sometimes it is so deep that separation of the two is hard.
But not impossible.

 

Mike F.

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