A 12-Year-Old Explains the Information Age's Facts of Life to Her Mother

Hey, geeks,
Have you had 'the talk' yet with your parents?

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2011/1/21young.html

BY Julia Young <[email protected]> AND Zachary
Smilovitz<[email protected]>

Mom, it's gonna be a long ride to Grandma's, and while we have some time
> alone together, I think it'd be good for us to talk about some things. I'm
> getting older, and I'm not always gonna be around the house to explain stuff
> to you. I know you have a lot of questions, and I want us to be open with
> each other. So, I think it's time you learned where blogs and tweets come
> from.
>
> I don't know what kind of stories you've heard from your friends or the
> ladies in your book club. Sometimes, old people will spread around what
> they've heard from other old people. This can make things even more
> confusing and scary. That's why it's important you get the straight facts
> from me.
>
> The Internet is a very beautiful thing if used properly.
>
> When a person loves a funny video very much, he or she may want to share it
> with someone special to them. This is called *linking* and if done
> properly, it can bring people together in a very special union of love:
> usually the love of sneezing animals, or bed intruders, or Bill O'Reilly
> having a temper tantrum. But it's important to be sparing when you send your
> links. You don't want to become the neighborhood outbox, constantly
> forwarding yourself around. Nobody wants that kind of reputation. Trust me,
> you do not want to be known as a "spammer."
>
> Now when someone has a lot of things they want to say, they may want to try
> *blogging*. Blogging is a kind of social intercourse, and should only be
> tried after years of experience with the Internet. Think of a blog as a
> newspaper that people actually read. It's a very personal thing, and you
> need healthy boundaries. For example, you can't go around blogging about the
> time I peed my pants when we went to see *Ice Age* like you told that
> woman in line at TJ Maxx yesterday. You need to be cautious before you move
> on to something more serious, like a *tweet*.
>
> A tweet is a powerful yet brief experience that you share with thousands of
> people, sometimes even famous ones. Don't feel bad if you don't tweet! A lot
> people never tweet, and they live perfectly happy lives. Yes, you'll read a
> lot of bad tweets before you find the right ones. But once you do find that
> perfect feed, you'll spend the whole day wanting to refresh on it. And
> whatever you do, don't follow @aplusk.
>
> You should try *Facebook*, though. Everyone tries Facebook at least once
> in their life. It usually starts in college. It may seem like harmless fun
> at first, but I know a lot of people who once they started Facebooking,
> couldn't stop. They'd waste their whole day updating their status,
> commenting on colleagues' vacation photos, and, tragically, poking almost
> complete strangers. It can become very unhealthy, so I want you to be
> careful. And listen; I don't want you ever writing on my Wall; even if it's
> my birthday. That's just not appropriate for a mother and daughter.
>
> I hope this wasn't too embarrassing for you. We'll talk about what a *meme
> * is when we get to Grandma's. I don't want to have to explain it twice.
>

Johne Cook
| http://raygunrevival.com | http://authorculture.blogspot.com |*
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