RE: Northern Jane

Northern? Schmorthern!

Did you know that Timmins, in Northern Ontario, is on the same line of
latitude as Paris? (that's in France, just in case any George Bush acolytes
are reading - Paris, that is. Ontario is in Canada. And we all have
democracy already, thank you, just in case you were about to offer to
"deliver" some). Jarmo, granted, is as Northern as you're ever likely to
meet. Probably a demon behind the wheel of a car as well.

My understanding of geography is that the world tilts to the right somehere
over the Atlantic, causing the whole planet to lean over as it spins, in a
bendy sort of way. This creates all sorts of interesting things, such as
variations in hair colour, regional accents, aural foreshortening, and an
imbalance in the weather. It may explain why I'm sitting here in
Staffordshire (that's in Engl... oh, forget it), verily several hundred
miles North of even the Northernmost outlying logging cabin of Timmins
itself (a very cold place indeed), wondering if that's a wandering deer I
spy out of my window (nnnnnn...nope, it's next door's cat), anticipating the
subtle, seamless morphing of the cold damp drizzle of the British Winter
into the cold damp drizzle of the British Summer.

The mid-Atlantic tilt also causes some gender-related sporting anomalies.
Here, hockey is predominantly a girls' game. Baseball (rounders) is also
predominantly a girls' game. And yet over there, football is predominantly a
girls' game, which somehow got franchised and went bust. And you all have to
wear scaffolding in order to play a game similar to rugby, and call it
football, even though the ball is seldom in proximity with the foot. And
there is no equivalent of cricket, unless you have a sport involving 22 men
standing very still for upto 5 days, with no obvious winner, that I just
haven't heard of. And the tilt causes Eastern European field athletes,
irrespective of nominal gender, to have no necks, and dangerously high
levels of testosterone pumping through their treetrunk-like arms. Entire
races of shot-putters and hammerlobbers.

It has influenced automotive design. American cars are of galactic
proportions, requiring enormous V8 engines to haul their massive bulk for
thousands of miles in dead straight lines at 55 mph, and often failing to
negotiate even slight bends in the road at all. European cars are forced to
be nimbler, due to our tilt-warped vision preventing roadbuilders and civil
engineers from managing to construct anything but twisty roads. In Finland,
the tilt causes people to drive extraordinarily fast, with their cars at
lurid angles to the direction of motion and spraying any pedestrians who
happen to be wandering along the same stretch of forestry track with gravel.
In Britain, we choose to drive on the other side of the road altogether
(although I suspect that's more to do with a determination to do absolutely
anything to upset the French). In Italy, it doesn't seem to matter which
side you drive on, so long as you are doing everything within your power to
overtake the vehicle in front of you. At all costs.

It's all to do with the tilt. It probably claimed the Titanic too, although
I personally think that liner was torpedoed by the Nautilus, once Captain
Nemo found out that bastard Di Caprio was on board. Either that or Captain
Smith (White Star's finest, from Stoke on Trent, about as far from the sea
as you can get and still be English) had a flashback to his days as King of
the Rohirrim, mistook the iceberg for a distant Minas Tirith, and just
charged straight for it in spite of the giant elephants (bull seals, no
doubt), hoards of orcs (passing shoal of mackerel) and the Nazgul (which
look deceptively like seagulls when you're travelling at over 20 knots).
Like Yosser Hughes, ploughing remorselessly through the Black Stuff of the
Norhtern Atlantic night in search of a job, unaware of the (Bernard) Hill of
ice before him.

I still like Jane though, she transcends the mid-Atlantic planetary tilt.

And Rachel Smith. Someone on this list recommended Rachel Smith, so I bought
myself her CD for Christmas from the absolutely spiffing folks at
CDbaby.com. Whoever that was, thank you.

Other musical arrivals over Christmas which may appeal to Siblings:

Underdog Victorious - Jill Sobule (a fellow contributor to the Laura Nyro
tribute CD recently mentioned on the list)
Guide Me God - Ghostland (the band that collaborated with Jane to record
"The Kiss", one of my top 3 Siberry songs, right up there with "The Walking"
and "Slow Tango")
Such Sweet Thunder - Caroline Dale (Ghostland's cellist, and former Young
Musician of the Year. One of those extraordinarily gifted musicians that,
through nothing more than musical performance, can alter your emotional
state).
Music from Chigley, Trumpton & Camberwick Green - Freddie Phillips
(providing an interesting historical perspective on musical influences in
our formative years, or perhaps even from within the womb, compared with the
contemporary works of more modern primary influences such as the music
associated with Barney, the Care Bears or for a brief period in the early
part of this century, Bob the Builder). Congratulations if you're still
reading this, by the way.

Love to all,

Dunc.




> So Jane appreciates the turn of the seasons, and the especially turn from
> the alcoholic gloom of winter (long evenings, when you're not playing
> hockey... but just stuck inside, eating donuts, drinking too
> much, watching
> sordid TV...)
> -- and then, en fin!, the ecstasy of spring when life & love begin anew:
> "Begat, begat!"
>
> Maybe that's also why Janet had fans in Finland? Up there where they
> appreciate the seasons: those long hopeless winter nights, and those
> delirious summer days /daze.
> When the sun marches towards midnight, and doesn't give up without a
> protracted battle.
>
> ta,
>
> Bruce
>
> PS Writing from upper New York state, about 3 hours from Canadada, where
> there's lots of rolling white outside my window, here. And deer wander out
> of the pines, looking for something to munch on.