Even if I could play for Lakers, I wouldn't

[ for all your Lakers haters out there.  out here in so cal...we just 
got fucked (and not in a good way)]

Even if I could play for Lakers, I wouldn't

Gwen Knapp
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
San Francisco Chronicle
Chronicle Sections

For the record, I don't want to play for the Los Angeles Lakers, either.

Mind you, I'm not under contract to them, but if I were, I'm sure I'd 
want out, just like everybody else.

Let's hope that saves general manager Mitch Kupchak and owner Jerry Buss 
some time. They never seemed all that interested anyway, but they're not 
so good at thinking ahead these days.

Just for the exercise, let me explain why they should be interested, 
even though I, in the interest of being fashionable, am not.

First, I would not complain if Kobe Bryant refused to give me the ball. 
I would understand that, as a Los Angeles Lakers employee, it was my job 
to make Bryant happy. It also would be my job to make him look good, and 
not passing the ball to me would make any NBA player look good. I'd save 
him from that selfishness rap.

Second, if the Lakers are going to become irrelevant anyway, once 
Shaquille O'Neal gets his way and goes to Miami, they might as well sign 
me. I'm cheap, and I can help make them become completely and 
outrageously irrelevant -- a novelty item.

If they keep Bryant and surround him with Brian Grants and Lamar Odoms, 
they still will be playoff material, which is relevant in every other 
NBA city. In Los Angeles, it's off the map.

No Diesel, no Zen Master, no championship in the offing. How about that 
Pete Carroll?

Third, I honestly could say that I would play just as well under Rudy 
Tomjanovich as I would have under Mike Krzyzewski. In fact, 
professionally, I always have felt more comfortable with Tomjanovich 
than Krzyzewski. It's easier to spell.

Ah, but does that mean I'd yearn for Phil Jackson?

No problem there. The man had a book contract for his diary from last 
season. Imagine the ego clash if he were still around, writing a sequel. 
I am not enough of a team player to handle that.

I would, of course, have plenty of time to write a book, and it wouldn't 
have an unkind word about Kobe. I'm not sure Phil can say the same. He 
told the Los Angeles Times over the weekend that he deliberately asked 
for too much money -- $10 million -- in contract negotiations last year 
because he wanted to stall the deal so that he could assess Bryant's 
state of mind.

A lot of people have said and written that Jackson bailed out of L.A. 
because he couldn't cope with Bryant anymore. Shaq's departure might 
have something to do with Kobe, too. And now Gary Payton apparently 
wants to leave because he knows that without Shaq, L.A. isn't the place 
to win a ring.

I, on the other hand, don't blame Bryant for a thing. I don't think the 
Lakers lost in the Finals because of him, or because of age or injury. I 
think they lost because the Pistons played better. And I think the 
Lakers needed some of that perspective during the series. Also, I don't 
let 25-year-olds dictate what I will be doing with my future -- although 
I have set aside 20 seconds to laugh at Bryant if he signs with the 
Clippers.

Fourth, if we played Miami in the Finals, I could handle Shaq, 
perpetually latching onto his forearm and not letting go. Yes, I'd foul 
out in about 40 seconds, but I wouldn't be missed. Yes, I could be 
knocked out, but that doesn't worry me.

It certainly isn't my reason for snubbing the Lakers far in advance of 
their revealing any interest. It's simply that if I were to become an 
NBA player, I would want to follow the examples of my esteemed 
predecessors, and right now, fleeing the Lakers looks like an innovative 
fastbreak, "Showtime" in reverse.

It's hard to believe that a year ago, everyone wanted in. Payton and 
Karl Malone were willing to give away money to become Lakers. Then the 
Pistons took the crown, like peasants storming the palace, and the 
dynasty turned out to be a mirage. It was a good one, very deceptive. 
Even that has disappeared now.
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