Re: [need proofread] Ada video subtitles EN

Here are my comments on the subtitles files you sent.  I am attaching
a version reflecting my suggestions, up through subtitle 297, but
without the other issues I found beyond it.  I have saved it as a
LibreOffice .odt file, to get the benefits of the Track Software
feature.  I have made no changes to the timing information, just the
texts of the subtitles.

I have watched and listened to (and enjoyed) the English version of
the movie.  I have attempted to identify all the places where what I
hear does not agree with what I read in the subtitles file.  I have
also proofread the subtitles file, in the sense of checking it for
errors in spelling or punctuation.  I have not proofread the timings
in the subtitles files, nor compared them to the timing of the movie.

I am very impressed with the skill of the narration.  In particular,
in narration like this, the speaker will put in a great many pauses,
many more than there are commas or other that requires pauses.  I am
not noting these, even when they sound long enough that I am somewhat
surprised not to see punctuation as I read the subtitles file while I
listen.  (An example is between subtitles 18 and 19.)  I am also not
noting when sentences are split between subtitle items (even if this
is done where there is no pause).  However, when this is done I
sometimes suggest changes to the punctuation in the subtitles file
between the two halves of the sentence.

I have not proofread the subtitles file in the sense of comparing the
text of the subtitles with that of the printed book.  I can do this
for you, if you wish.  However, I have consulted the printed book
extensively, for its guidance on the English text.  In so doing,
sometimes I have noticed discrepancies between the printed book and
the subtitles file.  When the subtitles file agrees with the spoken
text, I have not reported this as an error, since the subtitles file
is a correct transcription of the narration.  (Sometimes, as in 109
and 116-118, the variation between the subtitles file and the printed
text may actually be an improvement.)  If, however, I believe that I
have found an instance in which the printed text is correct and that
both the subtitles file and the spoken text present a problem in their
use of English, I will note this discrepancy, but I leave it up to you
whether anything should be done about it.  My suggestions #6, #8, and
#9(b) are examples of this phenomenon.

When I refer to quotation marks, they are always double quotation marks.


1.  1.  Ada and Zangemann, a tale of software, skateboards, and
raspberry ice cream. -  I suggest replacing the first comma with a
colon.  The customary punctuation in English between a title and a
subtitle is a colon.  (Of course, there is no distinction in spoken
text.)

2.  16:  When he was young, computers were a huge machine.
     17:  He had huge machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans.

I have concerns with both the grammar and the content.  However, when
I listen to the movie, I hear something quite different, a single
sentence that clearly says "When he was young, computers were huge
machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans."  This, of course,
makes sense.  (It also happens to agree -- with only minor variation
-- with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
should be corrected.

3.  29.  After that, he built a cleaning robot and a block sorting
machine so that his room would - To hear "he built" (when describing
his daydreams, not his actual accomplishments) seemed so strange that
I checked the printed text on page 6.  It has "he'd build."  Since the
subtitles file agrees with the spoken version, it should not be
changed.  But this is strange.  It is too bad that the spoken version
has been published.

4.  31:  Zangemann had great new ideas.
     32:  He did things like these every day.

There is nothing wrong with these grammatically.  However, when I
listen to the movie I hear something quite different, a single
sentence that clearly says "Zangemann had great new ideas like these
every day."  This, of course, makes sense.  (It also happens to agree
exactly with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
should be corrected.

5.  37:  Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things.
     38:  Zangemann exclaimed.

In ordinary text, quotation marks would be used.  In this subtitles
file, when the narrator is speaking, I think that it would be
permissible not to have quotation marks.  In a similar situation,
however, quotation marks appear in 97.  (Quotation marks also appear
in the printed book on page 8.)  I therefore suggest that the two
sentences be combined (though the subtitles need not be), and
quotation marks be added:

37:  "Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things",
38:  Zangemann exclaimed.

6.  66:  And while there was an internet at the junkyard, she could
get access somewhere else. - The subtitles file agrees with the spoken
text, but it doesn't make sense.  The printed book on page 9 has
"there wasn't internet at the junkyard."  This does make sense.  I am
not sure what you want to do about this.

7.  69:  Because everyone bought his inventions.
     70:  Zangemann soon became the real Zangemann.
     71:  The richest person in the whole world.

The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make
much sense.  There is a punctuation error (the period [full stop]
should be a comma), as well as confusion of meaning.  The printed text
on page 10 has "Because everyone bought his inventions, Zangemann soon
became the richest person in the whole world."  This does make sense.
I am not sure what you want to do about this.

8.  73.  set up in the largest room of his mansion. - The subtitles
file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The
printed text on page 10 has "set it up in the largest room of his
mansion."  This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do
about this.

9.  75.  All he had to do was press the proper key on the golden computer.
     76:  And immediately all the ice cream machines in town would dispense.
     77:  He made only vanilla ice cream.

(a)  I have noticed a minor discrepancy in punctuation.  In the
subtitles file, 76 is a separate sentence.   However, in the printed
text, it is a continuation of the previous sentence. In the spoken
version, it is hard to tell whether this is one sentence or two, but
grammatically having it be one sentence is preferable.  I suggest
changing the punctuation at the end of 75 to a comma and replacing
"And" in 76 with "and."

(b)  The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't
make much sense.  The printed book on page 10 has "and immediately all
the ice cream machines in town would dispense only vanilla ice cream."
 This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do about this.

10.  79:  If they gave the order for lemon ice cream, the machines
made only lemon ice cream. -  I suggest replacing "they" with "he."
It is hard to tell whether the spoken text says "If they gave" or "If
he gave," but I think that it does say "If he gave."  That is
certainly what makes sense (which the subtitles file does not), and it
agrees with page 10 of the printed book.

11.  80:  Zangemann loved his inventions and was always thrilled at
how amazingly well his machines were. -  The subtitles file agrees
with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The printed
text on page 11 ends with "worked" rather than "were."  I am not sure
what you want to do about this.

12.  86:  Again and again, he looked down on the city through a long telescope.
       87:  Observing how reliably his inventions carried out his commands.

This is two sentences in the subtitles file, but grammatically it
should only be one sentence (as it is in the printed book on page 11).
It sounds to me more like one sentence than two.  I suggest making
this a single sentence in the subtitles file, with a comma after
"telescope."

13.  91:  He invented light bulbs that turned on and off at the snap
of a finger.
       92:  And cars that told you where the nearest grocery store was.

This is two sentences in the subtitles file, and this is permissible,
although many people disapprove of it grammatically.  Since it is only
one sentence on page 12 of the printed book (without any internal
punctuation at all), I suggest removing the punctuation at the end of
91 and replacing "And" in 92 with "and."

14.  100:  Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
       101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't
quite as useful as the first ones, Zangemann pondered.

In the printed book on page 14, these are two sentences, with an
opening quotation mark before "Maybe" and a closing quotation mark
after "ones", an ellipsis, and a comma.  I suggest that in the
subtitles file there still be two items, each a separate sentence, but
that the text in the subtitles file match the printed book in its
punctuation:

100:  "Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't quite as
useful as the first ones . . . ," Zangemann pondered.

15.  102:  But my ice cream machines are and will remain.
       103:  Second to none, he thought immediately afterward.
       104:  And not without pride, as he passed a group of people all
eating coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.

In the subtitles file, these are three separate sentences, with an
internal comma in 103 and two internal commas in 104.  In the printed
book on page 14, these are all one sentence, with an opening quotation
mark before "But" and a closing quotation mark after the comma after
"none".  The internal commas appear just as they do in the subtitles
file.  There is no punctuation at all between the texts of 102 and
103, but there is a comma after "afterward."  There is no audible
pause whatsoever between 102 and 103, but there is a pause between 103
and 104.  I suggest that in the subtitles file there still be three
items, but that the text in the subtitles file be one sentence that
matches the printed book:

102:  "But my ice cream machines are and will remain
103:  second to none," he thought immediately afterward,
104:  and not without pride, as he passed a group of people all eating
coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.

16.  124:  From there, he gave all the little computers in his
skateboards a command

(a)  I am finding it hard to tell whether the narrator is slurring
together the phrase "all of the" before "computers," or whether what I
am hearing is a slightly stretched version of "all" (which certainly
makes sense in this context).  [In my New York accent, it is natural
in speech for me to say "allfthe", with the voiced consonants L, V
(the voiced version of F), and the voiced TH all run together without
any clear intervening vowels.  My mouth wriggles, but there is no real
vowel there between the A of "all" and the "UH" of "the."]   Because
of my uncertainty, I am not suggesting changing this in the subtitles
file.  When you listen to this, you might decide to insert "of" in the
subtitles file.

(b)  I suggest replacing "his" with "the" in the subtitles file. It is
hard to tell which the narrator says, but I think that it is "the".
This makes more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.

17.  126:  He ordered the small computers and the speakers to play
music only at a low volume, - I suggest replacing "and the speakers"
with "in the speakers" in the subtitles file. It is hard to tell which
the narrator says, but I think that it is "in".  This certainly makes
more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.

18.  162:  Hardware was a word for something Ada already knew.
       163:  The electronic devices she tinkered with after school,
       164:   or those devices she could hold in her hands and try to fix,
       165:   or make into something else.

In the printed book on page 20, the text in 162 ends with a colon;
these four items are all one sentence.  Also, there is no comma after
"fix" in 164.  I suggest that these four items be corrected to conform
to the text in the book.  None of these changes would affect the
pronunciation.

19.  167:  Ada learned that it meant instructions that ran on a
computer - Replace "Ada" with "She soon."  The spoken text has "She
soon" instead of "Ada."  (So does the printed book, on page 20.)  The
subtitles file should be changed to conform.

20.  214, 221, 226.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangaman."  These must be corrected.

21. 216-220.  In the book, on page 25, this passage is a quotation.
In the subtitle file, it is just text.  In the spoken text, it sounds
to me as though the narrator is making this sound like a quotation
from Zangemann, so that there should be a quotation mark at the
beginning of 216 and another at the end of 220.  But this is surely
not a necessary correction.

22.  254:  After falling on her bottom for the 100th time, - I suggest
replacing "100th" in the subtitles file with "hundredth."   The spoken
word is "hundredth," for which "100th" is an abbreviated form
sometimes used in writing, but page 26 of the printed book uses the
longer form I recommend.  (In speech, "100th" is often rendered as
"one-hundredth," much as "200th" is rendered as "two-hundredth.")

23.  289:  But that can be changed.  This is the end of a speech by
Ada that began in 284.  Add a quotation mark at the end.

24.  297:   that his parents had bought from Zangerman. - "Zangemann"
is misspelled as "Zangerman."  This must be corrected.

=====

At this point, I started looking ahead at the file you had sent.

One thing that I found was a flock of additional misspellings:  355,
359, 380, 386, 395, 397, 402, 404, 405, 515, 525, 538, 554, 565, 576,
579, 593, 637.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  These must be corrected.

There may be additional misspellings of the name Zangemann, that I may
not have found yet.  What are the other names to check to which you
refer?  The other children's?

And then, close to the end, I found what appears to be garbage in
640-650 (together with an amusing misreading in 658!)

=====

It's time for me to stop for the day, having put in more than a full
day's work on this, even though I am less than halfway through the
subtitles.


On Wed, Oct 9, 2024 at 5:45 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> attached the subtitles for the Ada video that we have just released.  It
> would be great if you could proofread it while we also check that all
> the names are spelt correctly.
>
> For the rest of the languages, let's wait as I think we have a way to
> get a really raw version that we can then edit and proofread (for the
> ones we have the voice over). For the rest, we can work with this file.
>
> so please, let's focus for the moment on the EN version.
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
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