[proofread] [EN] Ada video subtitles

Here are my comments on the subtitles files you sent.  I am attaching
a version reflecting my suggestions.  I have saved it as a LibreOffice
.odt file, to get the benefits of the Track Software feature. I have
finished proofreading the file, have made a few changes to the
suggestions I made yesterday, and have -- I hope -- attached a correct
file with my suggestions.  As usual, however, I want to warn you all
that if there is a discrepancy between that file and my suggestions
below, the probability is that the error is in the file, not in the
suggestions here.

I have watched and listened to (and enjoyed) the English version of
the movie.  I have attempted to identify all the places where what I
hear does not agree with what I read in the subtitles file.  I have
also proofread the subtitles file, in the sense of checking it for
errors in spelling or punctuation.  I have changed just the texts of
the subtitles.  I have not proofread the timings in the subtitles
files, nor compared them to the timing of the movie.

I have suggested removing some of the subtitles.  If these suggestions
are followed, this will affect the numbering, but I have not modified
the subtitle numbers.

I am very impressed with the skill of the narration.  In particular,
in narration like this, the speaker will put in a great many pauses,
many more than there are commas or other that punctuation that
requires pauses.  I am not noting these, even when they sound long
enough that I am somewhat surprised not to see punctuation as I read
the subtitles file while I listen.  (An example is between subtitles
18 and 19.)  I am also not noting when sentences are split between
subtitle items (even if this is done where there is no pause).
However, when this is done I sometimes suggest changes to the
punctuation in the subtitles file between the two halves of the
sentence.

I have not proofread the subtitles file in the sense of comparing the
text of the subtitles with that of the printed book.  I can do this
for you, if you wish.  However, I have consulted the printed book
extensively, for its guidance on the English text.  In so doing,
sometimes I have noticed discrepancies between the printed book and
the subtitles file.  When the subtitles file agrees with the spoken
text, I have not reported these as errors, since the subtitles file is
a correct transcription of the narration.  (Sometimes, as in 109 and
116-118, the variation between the subtitles file and the printed text
may actually be an improvement.)  If, however, I believe that I have
found an instance in which the printed text is correct and that both
the subtitles file and the spoken text present a problem in their use
of English, I will note this discrepancy, but I leave it up to you
whether anything should be done about it.  My suggestions #6, #8, and
#9(b) are examples of this phenomenon.

When I refer to quotation marks, they are always double quotation marks.


1.  1.  Ada and Zangemann, a tale of software, skateboards, and
raspberry ice cream. -  I suggest replacing the first comma with a
colon.  The customary punctuation in English between a title and a
subtitle is a colon.  (Of course, there is no distinction in spoken
text.)

2.  16:  When he was young, computers were a huge machine.
     17:  He had huge machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans.

I have concerns with both the grammar and the content.  However, when
I listen to the movie, I hear something quite different, a single
sentence that clearly says "When he was young, computers were huge
machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans."  This, of course,
makes sense.  (It also happens to agree -- with only minor variation
-- with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
should be corrected accordingly.

3.  29.  After that, he built a cleaning robot and a block sorting
machine so that his room would - To hear "he built" (when describing
his daydreams, not his actual accomplishments) seemed so strange that
I checked the printed text on page 6.  It has "he'd build."  Since the
subtitles file agrees with the spoken version, it should not be
changed.  But this is strange.  It is too bad that the spoken version
has been published.

4.  31:  Zangemann had great new ideas.
     32:  He did things like these every day.

There is nothing wrong with these grammatically.  However, when I
listen to the movie I hear something quite different, a single
sentence that clearly says "Zangemann had great new ideas like these
every day."  This, of course, makes sense.  (It also happens to agree
exactly with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
should be corrected accordingly.

5.  37:  Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things.
     38:  Zangemann exclaimed.

In ordinary text, quotation marks would be used.  In this subtitles
file, when the narrator is speaking, I think that it would be
permissible not to have quotation marks.  In a similar situation,
however, quotation marks appear in 97.  (Quotation marks also appear
in the printed book on page 8.)  I therefore suggest that the two
sentences be combined (though the subtitles need not be), and
quotation marks be added:

37:  "Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things",
38:  Zangemann exclaimed.

6.  66:  And while there was an internet at the junkyard, she could
get access somewhere else. - The subtitles file agrees with the spoken
text, but it doesn't make sense.  The printed book on page 9 has
"there wasn't internet at the junkyard."  This does make sense.  I am
not sure what you want to do about this.

7.  69:  Because everyone bought his inventions.
     70:  Zangemann soon became the real Zangemann.
     71:  The richest person in the whole world.

70 does not make sense.  The printed text on page 10 has "Because
everyone bought his inventions, Zangemann soon became the richest
person in the whole world."  This does make sense.  I suggest making
these three items conform to the printed book:

69:  Because everyone bought his inventions,
70:  Zangemann soon became the
71:  richest person in the whole world.

8.  73.  set up in the largest room of his mansion. - The subtitles
file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The
printed text on page 10 has "set it up in the largest room of his
mansion."  This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do
about this.

9.  75.  All he had to do was press the proper key on the golden computer.
     76:  And immediately all the ice cream machines in town would dispense.
     77:  He made only vanilla ice cream.

(a)  I suggest changing the punctuation at the end of 75 to a comma
and replacing "And" in 76 with "and."  I have noticed a minor
discrepancy in punctuation.  In the subtitles file, 76 is a separate
sentence.   However, in the printed text, it is a continuation of the
previous sentence. In the spoken version, it is hard to tell whether
this is one sentence or two, but grammatically having it be one
sentence is preferable.

(b)  Remove the comma at the end of 76 and remove "He made" from 77.
The subtitles file is suggesting in 77 that Zangemann made the ice
cream, when of course the machines made it.  The printed book on page
10 has "and immediately all the ice cream machines in town would
dispense only vanilla ice cream."   This does make sense.

10.  79:  If they gave the order for lemon ice cream, the machines
made only lemon ice cream. -  I suggest replacing "they" with "he."
It is hard to tell whether the spoken text says "If they gave" or "If
he gave," but I think that it does say "If he gave."  That is
certainly what makes sense (which the subtitles file does not), and it
agrees with page 10 of the printed book.

11.  80:  Zangemann loved his inventions and was always thrilled at
how amazingly well his machines were. -  The subtitles file agrees
with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The printed
text on page 11 ends with "worked" rather than "were."  I am not sure
what you want to do about this.

12.  86:  Again and again, he looked down on the city through a long telescope.
       87:  Observing how reliably his inventions carried out his commands.

I suggest replacing the period [full stop] after "telescope" in 86
with a comma and replacing "Observing" with "observing" in 87.  This
is two sentences in the subtitles file, but grammatically it should
only be one sentence (as it is in the printed book on page 11).  It
sounds to me more like one sentence than two in the spoken version.
So I suggest making this a single sentence in the subtitles file.

13.  91:  He invented light bulbs that turned on and off at the snap
of a finger.
       92:  And cars that told you where the nearest grocery store was.

I suggest removing the punctuation at the end of 91 and replacing
"And" in 92 with "and."  I think that this is closer to the spoken
version.  This is two sentences in the subtitles file, which is
permissible in contemporary English usage, although some people
disapprove of it grammatically.  But it is only one sentence, as I
suggest, on page 12 of the printed book (without any internal
punctuation at all).

14.  100:  Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
       101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't
quite as useful as the first ones, Zangemann pondered.

In the printed book on page 14, these are two sentences, with an
opening quotation mark before "Maybe" and a closing quotation mark
after all of "ones", an ellipsis, and a comma.  I suggest that in the
subtitles file there still be two items, each a separate sentence, but
that the text in the subtitles file match the printed book in its
punctuation:  These changs have no impact on the spoken text.

100:  "Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't quite as
useful as the first ones...," Zangemann pondered.

15.  102:  But my ice cream machines are and will remain.
       103:  Second to none, he thought immediately afterward.
       104:  And not without pride, as he passed a group of people all
eating coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.

In the subtitles file, these are three separate sentences, with an
internal comma in 103 and two internal commas in 104.  In the printed
book on page 14, these are all one sentence, with an opening quotation
mark before "But" and a closing quotation mark after the comma after
"none".  The internal commas appear in the subtitles file just as they
do in the book.  There is no punctuation at all between the texts of
102 and 103, but there is a comma after "afterward."  There is no
audible
pause whatsoever between 102 and 103, but there is a pause between 103
and 104.  I suggest that in the subtitles file there still be three
items, but that the text in the subtitles file be one sentence that
matches the printed book:

102:  "But my ice cream machines are and will remain
103:  second to none," he thought immediately afterward,
104:  and not without pride, as he passed a group of people all eating
coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.

16.  124:  From there, he gave all the little computers in his
skateboards a command

(a)  I am finding it hard to tell whether the narrator is slurring
together the phrase "all of the" before "computers," or whether what I
am hearing is a slightly stretched version of "all" (which certainly
makes sense in this context) without "of."  [In my New York accent, it
is natural in speech for me to say "allfthe", with the voiced
consonants L, V (the voiced version of F), and the voiced TH all run
together without any clear intervening vowels.  My mouth wriggles, but
there is no real vowel in there between the A of "all" and the "UH" of
"the."]   Because of my uncertainty, I am not suggesting changing this
in the subtitles file.  When you listen to this, you might decide to
insert "of" in the subtitles file.

(b)  I suggest replacing "his" with "the" in the subtitles file. It is
hard to tell which the narrator says, but I think that it is "the".
This makes more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.

17.  126:  He ordered the small computers and the speakers to play
music only at a low volume, - I suggest replacing "and the speakers"
with "in the speakers" in the subtitles file. It is hard to tell which
the narrator says, but I think that it is "in".  This certainly makes
more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.

18.  162:  Hardware was a word for something Ada already knew.
       163:  The electronic devices she tinkered with after school,
       164:   or those devices she could hold in her hands and try to fix,
       165:   or make into something else.

I suggest replacing the period [full stop] at the end of 162 with a
colon and removing the comma after "fix" in 164.  In the printed book
on page 20, these four items are all one sentence, with the colon and
without the comma.  This correction prevents 166-165 from being a
sentence fragment.  These changes would not affect the pronunciation.

19.  167:  Ada learned that it meant instructions that ran on a
computer - Replace "Ada" with "She soon."  The spoken text has "She
soon" instead of "Ada."  (So does the printed book, on page 20.)

20.  214, 221, 226.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangaman."  These must be corrected!

21. 216:  Oh, no.
       217:  My marvelous inventions.
       218:  It can't be that everyone just plays around with them.
       219:  All the things that could go wrong.
       220:  I put so much thought into everything, down to the last detail.

 I suggest that there should be a quotation mark at the beginning of
216 and another at the end of 220.  In the book, on page 25, this
passage is a quotation.  In the subtitle file, it is just text.  In
the spoken text, it sounds to me as though the narrator is making this
sound like a quotation from Zangemann.

22.  254:  After falling on her bottom for the 100th time, - I suggest
replacing "100th" in the subtitles file with "hundredth."   The spoken
word is "hundredth," for which "100th" is an abbreviated form
sometimes used in writing, but page 26 of the printed book uses the
longer form I recommend.  (In speech, "100th" is often rendered as
"one-hundredth," much as "200th" is rendered as "two-hundredth.")

23.  289:  But that can be changed. - Add a quotation mark at the end.
This is the end of a speech by Ada that began in 284 (where there was
an opening quotation mark).

24.  297:   that his parents had bought from Zangerman. - "Zangemann"
is misspelled as "Zangerman."  This must be corrected.

25.  313:  They learned everything Ada knew  - Replace "learned" with
"wanted to learn."  The spoken text has "wanted to learn" instead of
"learned."  (So does the printed book, on page 30.)

26.  329:  where they can fine-tune their programs for hours, - The
subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but this is bad English
usage. The printed book on page 9 has "could" instead of "can."  This
choice of verb is proper English usage.  I am not sure what you want
to do about this.

27.  333:  remarked Toni.
       334:  It was busy attaching a speedometer

(a)  In 333, replace "It" with "who."  The spoken text has "who"
instead of "It."  (So does the printed book, on page 31.)  This
correction is also necessary as a matter of English usage, since Toni
is a person, not a thing.

(b)  This is two sentences in the subtitles file, but grammatically it
should only be one sentence (as it is in the printed book), once "who"
replaces "it."   Replace the period [full stop] after "Toni" with a
comma.

28.  340:  Then they'd turn up the music -  The printed book has "Then
they turned up the music" on page 31.  I cannot hear the apostrophe
and the D in "they'd", but I infer that they are elided with the T of
"turn."  The spoken text certainly says "turn," not "turned."  So I
conclude that the subtitles file agrees with the spoken version (and
that both of them differ from the book).  No correction is necessary.

29.  355:  from Zangeman's machines. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

30.  358:  so that it could also iron toys. - Replace "toys" and the
punctuation that follows it with "ties again" and a long dash.  (In
the file with my suggestions, I am using two hyphens, because I do not
have a long dash on my keyboard.)  The printed book, on page 35, has
"ties again" and the long dash instead of instead of "toys" and the
period [full stop].  The spoken text agrees with the book.  (The
punctuation change is imperceptible.)

31.  359:  Zangeman had forbidden the machines to do so - "Zangemann"
is misspelled as "Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

32.  364:  so that the plants would not die of thirst - I notice that
the book has "her" instead of "the," but the subtitles file agrees
with the spoken version, so this removal of the author's subtle detail
should not be corrected.

33.  370:  Some of these machines
       371:  could even be used by children.

These two items in the subtitles file do not appear in the spoken text
(nor in the printed book).  They should be removed from the subtitles
file.  (This may require a renumbering of the subtitles.)

34.  375:  Whenever Ms. Gernot sat down, - Replace "Gernot," with
"Gernet."  The printed book, on page 35, spells the teacher's name as
"Gernet," rather than "Gernot."  The spoken text agrees with the book,
so this misspelling should be corrected in the subtitles file.

35.  380:  One day, Zangeman noticed - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

36.  386:  Zangeman yelled, - "Zangemann" is misspelled as "Zangeman."
 This must be corrected.

37.  388:  That can't happen. - Insert an opening quotation mark at
the beginning of this item.  This is the beginning of a rant by
Zangemann that continues through 393.  [In the printed book, at page
36, the rant actually begins at 387, not here.  In the subtitles file,
the sentence in 387 already has its own opening and closing quotation
marks.  But in the spoken version, I hear a distinct difference
between 387 and 388-393.  387 is spoken like the rest of the
narration, while 388-393 is in a very scratchy voice.  So I am
suggesting that 387 and 388-393 be treated as two separate quotations
in the subtitles file.]

38.  393:  You must make a law against this. - Insert the closing
quotation mark at the end of the rant at the end of this item.

39.  395:  did not want to upset Zangeman. - "Zangemann" is misspelled
as "Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

40.  397:  were programmed by Zangeman. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

41.  402:  as Zangeman requested. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

42.  403:  All computers that do not listen - Insert an opening
quotation mark at the beginning of this item.  This is the beginning
of the recital of the text of the new law [reported in 401].  The
recital continues through 406.

43.  404: to Zangeman are banned. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

44.  405:  Anyone who reprograms Zangeman's devices - "Zangemann" is
misspelled as "Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

45.  406:  will be fined $500,000.

(a)  Replace "$500,000" with "500,000 gold pieces."  The spoken text
says this, as does the printed book on page 66.
(Nowadays, any gold piece is likely to be worth many dollars indeed.)

(b)  Insert the closing quotation mark at the end of the recital of
the law at the end of this item.

46.  I notice that the pronunciation of Ada's name during 407 is
peculiar, but I doubt that anything can or should be done about this.

47.  418:  about the new machines.  -  Replace "machines" with "law."
 The spoken text has "law" instead of "machines."  (So does the
printed book, on page 38, with differences of punctuation that do not
affect the narration.)

48.  432:  They had connected their speakers together - I do not hear
the word "had" in the spoken version, but this may be another instance
in which elision makes the correct transcription unclear.  Since the
printed book has "had," I am not suggesting changing the subtitles
file, but when you listen closely to the narration you may decide to
do so.

49.  472:  all wearing perfectly iron ties. - Replace "iron" with
"ironed."  This makes no sense as it appears in the subtitles file.
The printed book has "ironed" on page 40.  To the extent that it may
be hard to distinguish "ironed" from "iron" in the spoken version,
this would again be due to elision.

50.  515:  to Zangeman. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as "Zangeman."
This must be corrected.

51.  521:  "We also want to be in charge
       522:  of our software ourselves."
       523:  In order for that to be true,
       524:  the government must be independent
       525:  from Zangeman.
       526:  "Can you tell me
       527:  what you know about computer programs?"

(a)  In 525, "Zangemann" is misspelled as "Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

(b)  I suggest removing the closing quotation mark from 522 and
removing the opening quotation mark from 526.  These seven items are
two sentences; the first and last have quotation marks, the middle one
does not.  On page 42 of the printed book, all three sentences are
shown as a single utterance (and there is nothing separating them in
the spoken version).  My suggestions here make the three sentences
into a single utterance in the subtitles file.

52.  538:  completely without Zangeman. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

53.  554:  It was Zangeman. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as "Zangeman."
 This must be corrected.

54.  565:  but Zangeman's calls - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

55.  576:  by Zangeman's calls. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

56.  582:  The government only wants - Insert an opening quotation
mark at the beginning of this item.  This is the beginning of the
recital of the text of the recording.  The recital continues through
586.

57.  588:  Thank you for calling. -  Insert the closing quotation mark
at the end of the recital of the recording at the end of this item.

58.  593:  the old Zangeman law. - "Zangemann" is misspelled as
"Zangeman."  This must be corrected.

59.  616:  Ms. Garnet, - Replace "Garnet," with "Gernet."  The printed
book, on page 46, spells the teacher's name as "Gernet," rather than
"Garnet."  The spoken text agrees with the book, so this misspelling
should be corrected in the subtitles file.

60.  637:  And Zangeman? - "Zangemann" is misspelled as "Zangeman."
This must be corrected.

61.  640:  Maybe he's still
       641:  sitting at the door
       642:  waiting for him.
       643:  Maybe he's still
       644:  waiting for her.
       645:  Maybe he's still
       646:  waiting for her.
       647:  Maybe he's still
       648:  waiting for her.
       649:  Maybe he's still
       650:  waiting for her.

All of these seem to be duplicative and nonsensical.  I have no idea
who either "him" or "her" may be.  These items should all be deleted
from the subtitles file.

62.  657:  anymore.
       658:  Ada's boarded up

(a)  In 658, replace "Ada's" with "and has."  This is what the printed
book has on page 48.  It is consistent with the spoken version.

(b)  In 657, replace the final punctuation with a comma.  Not only is
this what is in the printed book, but the change to 658 would mean
that without this correction 658 would become a sentence fragment.


On Wed, Oct 9, 2024 at 5:45 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> attached the subtitles for the Ada video that we have just released.  It
> would be great if you could proofread it while we also check that all
> the names are spelt correctly.
>
> For the rest of the languages, let's wait as I think we have a way to
> get a really raw version that we can then edit and proofread (for the
> ones we have the voice over). For the rest, we can work with this file.
>
> so please, let's focus for the moment on the EN version.
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
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