Re: [proofread] [EN] October Feedback

Here are my proofreading suggestions for the October newsletter.
Since the English version was published last week, and is unlikely to
be changed, I am not bothering to attach a revised version reflecting
these suggestions.


1.  "We’d also like to thank everyone who contributed feedback to the
EC consultation, urging European policymakers to establish long-term
sustainable funding for Free Software Additionally, we’ve submitted
our arguments in the ongoing Apple litigation."  Insert a period [full
stop] after "Software.]

2.  Table of Contents:  "The FSFE demanded the EU Commission
sustainable long-term Free Software funding"  I suggest inserting
"provide" after "Commission."  (A verb is necessary.  This choice of
verb is mine; I do not see any explicit description of the demand.)

3.  "Get your FSFE hoddie: pre-order your hoodie and pick it up at
38C3 or FOSDEM"  Replace "hoddie" with "hoodie."

4.  "Back to the stages!Events, talks, and more"  Insert a space after
the exclamation point.

5.  Quote of the Month:  ' “ I already loved the book,'  Remove the
space between the initial double quotation mark and "I."

6.  "I was just so inspired by it myself, not to mention my kids
really, really loved the book and and now it has become a film!"
Remove one of the two occurrences of "and."

7."During the next months the FSFE will release other language version
of the movie on ada.fsfe.org/movie."  Replace "version" with
"versions."

8.  Heading:  "The FSFE demanded the EU Commission sustainable
long-term Free Software funding"  See my #2, above.

9.  "Since July, we have been active on this issue, we tried to get in
touch with the European Commission, reached out to our community and
spread the news around Europe."  Replace the comma after "issue" with
a semicolon.  The two halves of this sentence could each be
independent sentences.  Thus joining them with a comma is
ungrammatical in English.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma_splice

10.  "Our call was heard: the consultation received 789 responses, 70%
of which came from individual citizens."  I suggest replacing
"individual citizens" with "individuals."  I do not know where this
statistic comes from.  While it is possible, I doubt that there were
hundreds of validations of citizenship of the respondents.

11.  "Once public, we will analyse the results and will follow up with
the Commission and other EU bodies with those results; to make sure
your voice remains heard."  Insert "they are" after "Once."  It is the
results that will be public, not "we."

12.  "This consultation was not a stand-alone event—it is a key step
in our ongoing effort to ensure that Free Software receives long-term,
sustainable funding."  I suggest replacing "This" with "Our
participation in the."  The consultation was a process initiated and
run by the EU.  The key step was the FSFE's participation.

13.  "We will continue our efforts to make sure software freedom is
consistently supported across Europe with the needed sustainable
long-term fund."  I suggest replacing "fund" with "funding."  To say
"fund" is to say that what is needed is a quantity of money being held
somewhere.  I think that a binding commitment to annual payments for
this purpose would be quite satisfactory.

14.  "In August this year, the FSFE was admitted in the litigation
brought by Apple against the European Commission in relation to the
Digital Markets Act (DMA)."  I suggest replacing "admitted" with
"permitted to  intervene."  "Admitted" is the wrong verb.  If it
"admitted" is used, at least "in" should be replaced with "into" as a
matter of English usage.

15.  Apple must abide DMA obligations not only for fairer competition
on digital markets but also for open internet, software freedom and
better device and software security.

(a)  Insert "by" after "abide."  English usage.

(b)  Replace "on" with "in."  English usage.

16.  "More information will be publish soon on our website."  Replace
"publish" with "published."

17.  "This report highlights our achievements, showcasing our success
stories, milestones and activities over the past twelve months."
Replace "twelve" with "eleven."  According to the report, "Our
Software Freedom in Europe 2024 report covers the FSFE's activities
from October 2023 to August 2024."

18.  Heading:  "Get your FSFE hoddie: pre-order your hoodie and pick
it up at 38C3 or FOSDEM"  Replace "hoddie" with "hoodie."

19.  "These cozy, stylish hoodies have been designed with your
feedback in mind, They’re here, they’re back, and they’re better than
ever!"  Replace the comma after "mind" with a period [full stop].

20.  "Pre order your hoodie and pick it up at your favourite
conference, 38C3 at the end of December in Hamburg or FOSDEM at
beginning of February!"

(a)  Replace "Pre order" with "Pre-order."

(b)  Insert "the" before "beginning."

21.  Heading:  "Back to the stages!Events, talks, and more"  Insert a
space after the exclamation point.

22.  "If you have some spare time, we recommend you to check out
Alexander Sander's conversation with Tuta Mail about supporting Free
Software projects."  Replace "you to" with "that you."  English usage.

23.  "Remember that at events.fsfe.org you can find all the
information about our events and you can follow our latests news in
our social media channels!!"

(a)  Replace "latests" with "latest."

(b)  I suggest replacing "in" with "on."  I do not use social media
myself, but it is my impression that "on social media" is more common
than "in social media."

(c)  If the use of two exclamation points is deliberate, I do not
object.  If it is accidental, it should be corrected.


On Wed, Oct 9, 2024 at 5:39 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> dear all,
>
> I am apologizing for sending the October newsletter after being
> published. We wanted to include the Ada & Zangemann event we had
> yesterday evening and due to other tasks I didn´t have a lot of time to
> work on it in advance.
>
> You can find it here: https://fsfe.org/news/nl/nl-202410.en.html
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
> --
> Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
> Free Software Foundation Europe
> Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
> Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)
>
> _______________________________________________
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>
> This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
> https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct



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determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln
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