Re: [needs proofread] ZOOOM news item

I have proofread the webpreview, and attach my version.  My file is
generated from the xhtml from the webpreview, but in .odt format to get the
benefit of highlighting my suggestions with the LibreOffice Track Changes
feature.

Some of these suggestions are specific to English usage, and may not be of
interest to translators.  But others (when they have been approved by Ana)
may be of more general interest.

1.  Title:  "The FSFE promotes freedom of software, hardware & data"

(a)  I suggest inserting an Oxford comma after "hardware."  Use and non-use
of Oxford commas apparently occur randomly in this news item.  The Oxford
comma is used, for example, in the very first and second sentences of
text.  I am -- perhaps arbitrarily -- choosing to suggest use of the Oxford
comma throughout.

(b)  I suggest replacing the ampersand ("&") with "and."  Sometimes an
ampersand is an element of a name (for example in businesses whose name
ends with "& Co.") but there is no reason to use the ampersand here.

2. "The ZOOOM (3O’s) Initiative promotes innovation based on freedom of
software, hardware, and data"  I suggest replacing "3O's" with "3 Os".
Again usage within the news item varies.  My suggestion here follows the
usage (twice!) under the heading "Innovative research involving open
assets".  (Also, there is a potential confusion between "3O's" and
references to decades, as in "I am in my 80s, and I went off to college in
the late 1950s."  Some people write decades with apostrophes, although it
is technically incorrect to do so.  Without an apostrophe, there might be
confusion between "3Os" and "30s."  When I got my first job as a
programmer, the first bug I ever wrote was a misspelling of a name that
ended with a zero as ending with a capital "O."  Of course, in 1964,
programming was done entirely in capital letters.  Many companies at least
formally said that programmers should not keypunch, they should submit
keypunching to professionals.  There was no consistency; half the people
submitting keypunching jobs wrote their zeros with a slash through them,
and the other half wrote the letter O with a slash through it.)

3.  "Free Software, Open Data and Open Hardware are essential building
blocks for a sustainable and trustworthy industrial and commercial
ecosystem."  Insert an Oxford comma after "Data."

4.  "Nevertheless, business, academia and the public sector lack,
sometimes, important fundamental understandings of these topics"

(a)  Insert an Oxford comma after "academia."

(b)  I suggest replacing "lack, sometimes," with "sometimes lack."  With
the Oxford comma inserted, this sentence has 7 commas!  This suggestion
removes two of them.

5.  "To help solving these problems, the FSFE became a partner of the ZOOOM
Initiative <https://zooom4u.eu/> (3O’s – Open Source Software, Open Data,
Open Hardware), that started in 2022."

(a)  I suggest replacing "solving" with "solve."  "Solving" is not wrong,
but "solve" is better usage.

(b)  I suggest replacing "3O's" with "3 Os".  See my #2, above.

6.  "we have conducted innovative research to understand commonalities and
interactions in the issues faced when dealing collectively"  I suggest
replacing "in" with "on."  English usage.

7.  "The results have been documented in a report (
https://zenodo.org/records/10948750) that assist stakeholders with
understanding the 3 Os and propose strategies to align their business
models with the complexities characterizing each of these open ecosystems."

(a)  Replace "assist" with "assists."  The subject of this verb is "report."

(b)  Replace "propose" with "proposes."  The subject of this verb is
"report."

8.  "As a result of this work, we have contributed to a review of legal
cases in issues related to the 3 Os (https://zenodo.org/records/10966136) ,
specifically on legal cases related to Free Software"

(a)   I suggest replacing "in" with "on."  English usage.

(b)  Remove the extra space between the right parenthesis and the comma.

9.  Caption:  "The ZOOOM project broke down AI in its most fundamental
elements, so research involving Free Software licensing is facilitated"
Replace "down AI in" with "AI down into." AI was subdivided, not broken.

10.  "Another significant outcome of this European project is the creation
of a comprehensive paper"  Replace "is" with "was."  This effort is
complete.

11.  "This paper examines the convergence of Free Software and AI focusing
on the legal aspects of licensing"

(a)  Replace "examines" with "examined."

(b)  Insert a comma after "AI."

(c)  Insert a period [full stop] at the end of the sentence.

12.  "In the paper, we consider the necessity to promote openness"  Replace
"consider" with "considered."

13.  "In particular, we highlight the uncoordinated growing proliferation"
Replace "highlight" with "highlighted."

14.  "To improve the situation, we propose three important
recommendations"  Replace "propose" with "proposed."

15.  "The drafting of these papers with our ZOOOM consortium partners have
also enabled us to raise awareness among the academic community"  Replace
"have" with "has."  The subject of this verb is "drafting."

16.  Caption:  "The “hybrid” nature of AI involving data and code poses
challenges for licensing."

(a)  I suggest removing the quotation marks.  Use of the term ""hybrid" is
ordinary English usage, especially when it is immediately followed by an
explanation.

(b)  Inserting commas before and after the phrase "involving data and code"
is quite optional, but my preference is to use them.

17.  "The ZOOOM project analysed this in details from the perspective of
Free Software."  Replace "details" with "detail."  English usage.

18.  "In addition to these research activities, we contributed to
develop training
materials <https://zooom4u.eu/index.php/toolkit/> oriented to any
organisation – private or public – to equip used with the knowledge and
skills needed to navigate Free Software, open hardware, and open data."

(a)  It is not clear what is intended by "we contributed to develop."  If
the FSFE contributed to the development that was also done by others (which
seems more likely, so I am putting this into my version) I suggest
replacing "develop" with "the development of."  If the FSFE did the entire
development of the training materials, I suggest replacing "contributed to
develop" with "developed."

(b)  I suggest replacing "oriented to" with the more general "intended
for."  I do not see any trace of orientation.

(c)  If "used" is a typographical error for "users," make the replacement.
If something else is intended, please rewrite to explain.

19.  "The training toolkit can be specially interesting for small and
medium enterprises (SMEs) across Europe with the necessary skills to adopt
strategies and evaluate business modules that relate to open technologies."

(a)  Replace "specially" with "especially"  The words are different.

(b)  I suggest replacing "interesting" with "useful."

(c)  Although this is not what this sentence says, my guess is that you
intend to say that the toolkit can lead SMEs to develop the necessary
skills.  If so, I suggest replacing "with" with "in developing."  If you
mean what the sentence says, that the toolkit is only for SMEs that already
have the necessary skills, I suggest replacing "with" with "that have."
Since I cannot tell what you intend, and the sentence isn't bad as it
stands, I am not adopting either of these suggestions in my version.

20.  "We spoke at various conferences and events across Europe, including
at FOSDEM 2024
<https://archive.fosdem.org/2024/schedule/event/fosdem-2024-2750-codes-bound-by-ethics-the-rising-tide-of-non-free-software-licenses-in-ai-ecosystems/>,
DORS/CLUC 2024 <https://media.fsfe.org/w/dnEYF8Fs7NRNC7a2A2BvTz>, SFSCon
2022
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_4qp3BePqc&list=PL1e89M45YLyvBD5RQvU155EoCGOjdOomF>
"

(a)  I assume that the previous sentence ("As part of this campaign, more
than 40 events were organised") referred to events organized by all of the
Zooom partners.  My guess is that "We" in this sentence refers to the FSFE,
not to everybody.  I therefore suggest replacing "We" with "The FSFE."  (If
my guess is wrong, of course you should not adopt this suggestion.)

(b)  Insert "and" before "SFSCon."

(c)   Insert a period [full stop] at the end of the sentence.

21.  "Additionally, the ZOOOM consortium also organized various exclusive
meetups and events involving a broad range of stakeholders (academia,
public sector and business), to further promote Free Software in Ljubljana
<https://zooom4u.eu/index.php/2024/03/14/zooom-event-emerging-trends-in-open-technologies/>,
Trento
<https://zooom4u.eu/index.php/2024/06/12/zooom-at-the-open-festival-trento/>
and Brussels
<https://zooom4u.eu/index.php/2024/09/20/zooom-final-conference-one-week-to-go-and-so-much-to-learn/>."


(a)  Remove "also."  It duplicates "Additionally."  (Alternatively, remove
"Additionally.")

(b)  I suggest removing "various."  (If there were more of these exclusive
events than the three you mention, I suggest inserting "including" before
"in."

(c)  Insert an Oxford comma after "sector."

(d)  Insert an Oxford comma after "Trento."

22.  Caption:  "The ZOOOM project allowed the FSFE to reach university
students, academics and science folks to raise awareness for the importance
of Free Software."  Insert an Oxford comma after "academics."


On Thu, Dec 19, 2024 at 12:47 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:

> Dear all,
>
> we will publish the following news item in a couple of week (before the
> end of the year).
>
> It would be great if you can proofread it:
>
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1332
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
> --
>
> _______________________________________________
> Translators mailing list -- [email protected]
> To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected]
>
> This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
> https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct
>


-- 
"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

_______________________________________________
Translators mailing list -- [email protected]
To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected]

This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct