Re: [needs proofread & translation] Ada news item

Thank you.  I am hurrying to proofread your news item so that you will have
the benefit of this first effort on my part on Friday morning, rather than
just over the weekend.  I hope that I will be able to proofread an improved
version in English before this is published.

I am attaching a version that reflects my suggestions.  It is an odt file
of the html you attached, in that format so that my changes will be
identified with the Track Changes feature.  The webpreview to which you
refer has text in Spanish!


1.  "share the movie among your friends and post it around!"  Replace
"among" with "with."  English usage.  To share something among a group of
people means to give each member of the group a piece of it.

2.  Alt text:  "The picture was taken from the back so you can see the
people's back and the screen"

(a)  Replace "back" with "backs."  Each of the people has his or her own
back.

(b)  I suggest ending the sentence with a period (full stop).

3.  "You can now share this animated movie among your friends, embedded the
video in your website or blog, or spread it in your social media networks."

(a)  Replace "among" with "with."  See my #1, above.

(b)  Replace "embedded" with "embed."  So as to be parallel with "share"
and "spread."

4.  "While it’s originally designed for children"  I suggest replacing
"it's" with "it was."  "It's" is a contraction of "it is" or "it has."
Since the design is long since finished, I think that the past tense is
more appropriate.

5.  "follows the journey of the famous inventor Zangemann and Ada, a
curious girl who loves to tinker."

(a)  I suggest replacing "follows the journey" with "describes the
interaction."  I do not see the book as describing a journey, especially
not a journey by Zangemann.

(b)  I suggest replacing "a curious" with "an inquisitive."  The problem is
that "curious" has a second -- and very different -- meaning in English,
namely "strange."  In Alice in Wonderland, when Alice famously says
"curiouser and curiouser," she means "stranger and stranger," not "more and
more eager to learn."  We do not want to hint (or be misunderstood to say)
that Ada is peculiar.

6.  "screenings are being organize, even in cinemas!"  Replace "organize"
with "organized."

7.  "Power of our community, despite not having Hollywood marketing
budgets"  I do not understand this sentence fragment (which lacks final
punctuation).  The Spanish webpreview seems to have the same thing.  It is
not formatted as a heading, and even as a heading it would be a sentence
fragment that would not make sense to me.  If I had to make a suggestion
about it, I would suggest removing it, but I am leaving it unchanged in my
version because I do not understand it.

8.  "Help us to make others aware of this story, an useful educational
resource for explaining the importance of the right to tinker and the right
to repair, as well as self- determination, collaboration and freedom of
speech."

(a)  Replace "an" with "a."  The rule in English is that the choice between
"a" and "an" is determined by the sound of the word that follows.  "Useful"
is pronounced "yoosful," not "oosful," so it is considered to start with a
consonant sound, not a vowel sound.

(b)  Remove the space after the hyphen in the middle of
"self-determination."

(c)  Insert an Oxford comma after "collaboration."  I see Oxford commas
used elsewhere.

9.  "Share the movie, currently available in English, French, German,
and *since
this month also in Spanish*!"  I suggest replacing "since this month" with
"now."  English usage.  If, in fact, the Spanish version was not available
on February 28, it would be even better to replace "since this month" with
"just this month," but I doubt that this is the case.  (If "since this
month" were retained, I would interpret it as meaning that the availability
date is April 1 -- just after this month ends.)

10.  "So please don’t wait: sent it to friends in some messenger groups,
e-mail it to your co-workers, and share it online!"

(a)  Replace "sent" with "send."  English grammar.  "Sent" is the past
tense and past participle form of the verb "send."  The imperative is like
the present tense.

(b)  I suggest removing "in some messenger groups."  I do not use social
media unless I absolutely have to do so, but an internet search indicates
that Messenger is a popular feature of Facebook, and is not Free Software.

11.  "Every person watching the movie, might be an active member of the
movement for software freedom in future."

(a)  Remove the comma.  English grammar.  In general, one should not have a
single comma between the subject and the verb of a declarative sentence.
(Zero is of course fine, and two or more commas can be fine, too.  But not
just one comma.)

(b)  I suggest inserting "the" before "future."  "In future" is a British
usage, with a slightly different meaning.

12.  "You will also find a presentation to guide your reading and much
more."  I suggest inserting a link to the presentation.  This sentence is
ambiguous as it stands, because "reading" has two possible
interpretations.  The sentence might mean "the presentation will assist you
in setting up your book-reading event" or it might mean "the presentation
will assist you in reading more about the book."  It is not necessary to
rewrite the sentence to resolve the ambiguity; a link will do the job.  Of
course, I am not putting a link into my version.


On Thu, Mar 13, 2025 at 6:02 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:

> dear all,
>
> we want to publish next week a news item asking everyone to share the
> Ada movie.
>
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/?pad=1385
>
> I am also attaching the xhtml
>
> It would be great if it can be proofread by beginning next week. Also
> translations are more than welcome as it is a news item that would be
> great to have translated
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
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