Re: [needs proofread & Translation] Fundraising DMA mailing

I have proofread the draft you attached, and attach a version with my
suggestions.  My file is in .odt format to get the benefit of highlighting
my suggestions with the LibreOffice Track Changes feature.  Note that my #8
in the list below represents three corrections that should be made!

Thank you for the explicit advice about the timing of responses to your
draft.  I have been able to work on this after returning home from a week
of a music workshop in a delightful place but with very poor internet
access.  (I have been at music workshops for six of the last seven weeks,
but will mostly be at home now until next summer.)

1.  "Wed, Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 PM"  The date is an amusing placeholder; I am
not suggesting a change, but you will surely want to make one.  (In 1969, I
was attending law school, earning enough by working at my programming job.
How many of you were even alive 55 years ago?)

2.  "We are fighting against it!"  I suggest replacing "it" with "them."
There is an ambiguity here.  The previous sentence is ' “Gatekeeper”
companies like Apple and Google have created tightly controlled ecosystems
that limit software freedom and shut out competition.'  What are we
fighting against?  Is the antecedent of "it" the companies or the
ecosystems?  Conveniently, both of those candidates are plurals.  Rather
than resolve the ambiguity, my suggestion is to replace an ungrammatical
ambiguity with one that is grammatical, leaving it up to the reader to
decide what is intended.  (Of course, you could say what you mean,
instead.)

3.  "One important way gatekeepers lock down their devices is by limiting
interoperability."  I suggest replacing "their" with "our."  Don't you
agree with me that once we have purchased the devices, they should be our
devices, not the gatekeepers'?

4.  "These are good news, but far from being perfect."  Replace "these are"
with "this is."  In English usage, "news" is treated as a singular noun.

5.  "Apple, for instance, has been trying to doge the DMA rules since the
beginning."  Replace "doge" with "dodge."

6.  "In a landmark decision, the Commission ruled that Apple must provide"
I suggest inserting some information about the timing of the landmark
decision.  Perhaps just the year, perhaps more detail.  I am not supplying
a choice.  (In a more formal text, such as a news item or press release,
the date would be appropriate, or even a citation to the decision.  In a
fundraising letter, that sort of precision would be out of place.  But the
reader should, I think, be told whether this decision is relatively recent
or relatively ancient.)  I note that in a later sentence seems to refer to
this as the "latest" decision.

7.  "trying to delay or weaken our user and developers rights."  I suggest
revising this to refer to either "our user and developer rights" or "our
users' and developers' rights."  There are many Free Software developers,
and many, many more Free Software users.  Each user and each developer has
rights under the DMA.  The body of users and the body of developers can
also be described as having these rights.  But it doesn't make sense to
speak of only one user and then speak of multiple developers.  (My
arbitrary choice is the singular form, because it is slightly simpler, but
either would be equally good.  In the plural version, I suggest the
possessive plural.)

8.  "Help us held big tech accountable"  Replace "held" with "hold."
"Held" is the past tense of the verb "hold," not a verb in its own right.
This occurs three times, as different classes of recipients are addressed.
All three occurrences should be corrected.


On Fri, Aug 15, 2025 at 5:40 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:

> Dear all,
>
> we want to send next week a fundraising mailing so it would be great to,
> once it is proofread, have it translated into IT, DE, FR, ES and NL if
> possible.
>
> At the office we can try to make a bit of time for it and take care of
> several languages if you are busy (and /or enjoying the summer) so if
> there are no translations by Monday, we will take care of them.
>
> You can find the mailing attached.
>
> Thanks a lot!
>
> Ana
>
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