Re: [proofread] [needs translation] September Newsletter

Thank you for sending this so long before the September 3 publication
date.

When I compared the xhtml you attached to what was then in the webpreview,
they were identical.  That is good.  I am using the file you attached as
the basis for the version I am attaching with my suggestions, so that there
will be no impact if people make changes to the webpreview.  My version is
an odt file, to get the benefit of the LibreOffice Track Changes feature.
However, I am using the webpreview to do most of my actual proofreading.

1.  "we deepen in the CRA on our podcast."  I suggest replacing "deepen in"
with "provided a deeper look at"  There are several issues with the
original text.

(a)  "Deepen" is a verb in the present tense.  To match the other verbs in
this sentence, this should be in the past tense.

(b)  As an intransitive verb (which is what "deepen" is here), "deepen"
means to become deep or deeper.  It is not used in English to mean
examining deeply.  (As a transitive verb, "deepen" means to make something
deep or deeper.  Surely you are not making the CRA deeper, but rather the
contrary.)

(c)  "Deepen in" is not good English usage.

2.  Table of Contents:  'ilovefs: How we celebrate "I Love Free Software
Day" in Potteries, UK'  I suggest replacing "we" with "they."  Elsewhere in
the Table of Contents, "we" refers to those responsible for this
newsletter, not the FSFE as a whole.  Much the same issue appears in my #8,
below.

3.  "We also attended several conferences and continue working on making
gatekeepers accountable under the DMA."  I am NOT suggesting a change!  I
do want to point out that contrary to my observation in my #1(a) above, I
like the change from the consistent past tense form "attended" to the
inconsistent present tense form "continue."  In a report of what was done
last month, this choice of verb emphasises that this is an ongoing activity
that is expected to last for the indefinite future.

4.  "the free exchange of other information than just software![I Love Free
Software Day] is a great way to remind people"  Insert a space between the
exclamation point and the left bracket.

5.  "lots of community spirit has gone into creating the tools we use
every, which is often more and more powered by software."  There are two
serious errors here.  If this is what he said or wrote, and you cannot
reach him to correct it, you will have to choose between quoting his errors
correctly and embarrassing him or making him look better by misquoting
him.  I do not like either choice; if this were my newsletter, I would
simply use a different quotation.  I am not making any choice from among
these possibilities as a suggestion in my version.  (This quotation comes
from the recent news item, but that does not resolve the question of
accuracy, nor the choice of quoting or correcting.)  Rereading, I also see
an issue with the usage in the first sentence of the short quotation.

(a)  Something is missing after "every," almost certainly the word "day."
(Note that to say "everyday" -- the single word -- rather than "every day"
-- two words -- would be yet another error.  While "everyday" does mean
"daily," it more specifically means "ordinary" or "routine" as well.)

(b)  The verb "is" should be "are."  The subject of the verb is "tools," so
a plural verb is required.

(c)  In the first sentence of the quotation, there is another error in
English usage.  "Than" is not a proper way to continue the comparison that
is introduced by "just as much as."

6.  "a legislation introducing CE labels for digital products."  Remove
"a."  In English, "legislation" is a mass (or uncountable) noun.
("Software" is another such mass noun.)  Just as the legislature does not
adopt several legislations on a busy day, so one cannot have "a
legislation."

7.  "In our latest episode of the Software Freedom Podcast Bonnie and Alex
have a easy to follow conversation about the CRA and what will be happening
next <https://fsfe.org/news/podcast/episode-37.html>."

(a)  I suggest inserting a comma after "Podcast."

(b)  Replace "a" with "an."  The next word starts with a vowel sound.

8.  Heading:  'ilovefs: How we celebrate "I Love Free Software Day" in
Potteries, UK'  I suggest replacing "we" with "they."  In this item, "we"
refers to those responsible for this newsletter, not the FSFE as a whole.
Much the same issue appears in my #2, above.

9.  "for their commitment to use, study, share and improve Free Software."
Insert an Oxford comma after "share."  Be consistent with the rest of this
newsletter.

10.  "We have talked with our local group in Potteries (UK) to know a bit
more about them and how they celebrate this day
<https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/%3E/news/2025/news-20250828-01.html>."  I
suggest replacing "know" with "learn."  English usage.   Although "know" is
not incorrect, it is less natural in this context.

11.  "In August we travelled to Sankt Augustin to, one more time, attend
FrOSCon."  I suggest replacing "to, one more time, attend FrOSCon" with "to
attend FrOSCon once again."  English usage.  There are many other possible
ways to rewrite this.  It would be simpler to say "to attend FrOSCon again"
but you chose to add a little, so I did, too.  (While the "rule" against
splitting infinitives is no longer held in high regard, the splitting done
here is unusually dramatic and really uncalled for.)

12.  "The day before it, our local group there invited to a community
meetup in Bonn"

(a)  I suggest removing "it."  English usage.  An alternative would be to
replace "it" with "that event."

(b)  Replace "invited to" with "held" (or some other appropriate verb).
English usage.  In this construction, with "invited,"  it is necessary to
say who was invited.

13.  "and two talks:one analysing the first"  Insert a space after the
colon.

14.  'The city of Sanremo also welcomed us for the Scambi Festival in which
we had a “Ada & Zangemann” reading and a workshop about Free Software
basics.'  Replace "a" with "an."  The next word starts with a vowel sound.
(The intervening opening quotation mark does not affect the application of
this rule.)

15. "a workhop about Free Software basics."  Replace "workhop" with
"workshop."

16.  "which was picked up by the Deputy Mayor of Culture of Sanremo."
Replace "picked up" with "accepted."  English usage.  In the sense of
lifting into the air, "pick up" is good even in formal English.  In the
sense intended here, to say "picked up" is informal, just the opposite of
what you want to convey.

17.  Alt text:  "Collage of pictures with the pictures from the last
conferences"  I suggest rewriting as "Four pictures from the latest
conferences."

(a)  A collage is normally an assemblage that is at least somewhat
irregular in form.  These four pictures are in a rigid rectangular array.

(b)  It is duplicative to say "pictures" and "with the pictures."

(c)  To say "last" suggests that there will not be any more conferences.  I
hope that this will not be the case.

(d)  In this special case of a monthly newsletter, it is appropriate to say
"latest."  Otherwise, if this were a more permanent document, "recent"
would be better.

18.   "Besides, we are still gathering your feedback as a Free Software
developers with our Digital Markets Act Interoperability Survey
<https://fsfe.org/activities/deviceneutrality/interop-survey>."  I suggest
replacing "your feedback as a" with "feedback from."  To say "a developers"
is clearly wrong.  This can be written to refer to a single developer
(saying "your") or to refer to the developers as a group, but not both at
the same time.


On Fri, Aug 29, 2025 at 3:30 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:

> Dear all,
>
> September newsletter is ready for your proofread and translation.
>
> As usual, you can find it here:
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1522
>
> And attached.
>
> Best and thanks a lot!
>
> Ana
>
> --
> _______________________________________________
> Translators mailing list -- [email protected]
> To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected]
>
> This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
> https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct



-- 
"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

_______________________________________________
Translators mailing list -- [email protected]
To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected]

This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct