Fwd: Re: [NZOSS-Openchat] Windows 8 - a video review

My masterpiece is worth a cross-post :)

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: 	Re: [NZOSS-Openchat] Windows 8 - a video review
Date: 	Mon, 28 Jan 2013 11:29:28 +1300
From: 	Alex King <[email protected]>
Reply-To: 	NZOSS Open Discussion List <[email protected]>
To: 	[email protected]



I think I've mentioned this before, but I really like the Marshall
Rosenburg Non-Violent Communication method.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication ,
http://www.cnvc.org/ ; he doesn't seem particularly up with the play
regarding an effective online presence and CC licensing, but you can
watch some video on youtube and his book is well worth getting hold of.)

If you find yourself getting caught up in flame wars, take the time to
read up on this and start practicing it, you'll have a happier and more
effective life if you do.

It would meet my needs to since if everyone on this list practiced it,
there'd be less crap to read through and everyone would be more likely
to get what they want, meaning a better Ubuntu.

His method for asking/getting someone to change what they're doing is a
4 step process; make (a) factual observation(s) abot the situation, say
how you feel about it, identify what your need is that isn't getting
met, and make a request.  When using the NVC method, this is all done
without expressing (or hearing) any criticism, blame or judgment.

So I'm going to comment on some of the content below and give some
examples of how I might have said things differently if I'd been arguing
those points...

On 28/01/13 09:21, Tim Penhey wrote:
>  On 27/01/13 14:28, Danyl Strype wrote:
>>  Kia ora koutou
>>
>>  On 27 January 2013 09:54, Joel Wirāmu Pauling<[email protected]>   wrote:
>>>>  I think you are being inflamatory<<
>>  Joel, I'm descibing how I intend to respond to what I consider
>>  unethical behaviour, and inviting others to do the same. Can you
"inflamatory", "unethical" - these are judgements. They might give the
writer a short term buzz in a "haha - take that" way, but since they
will just raise hackles they are unlikely to engage the person being so
described, and therefore unlikely to meet the needs of the writer.

Instead of saying "I think you are being inflamatory", I would have said
"when you said xyz" where xyz is a direct quote from the email you think
inflamatory, as the first step of the 4 step process to achive what you
want.
>>  please explain what aspect of this is inflammatory? Is it because
>>  pointing out Canonical's betrayal of the free software movement who
>>  wrote *most* of their product is...
>  I really try to avoid getting into discussions about this as I find it
>  often overly negative.
Well, negative is actually a judgement; what is negative for one person
can be a positive for another.  If I was in your situation I would say:
"When you encourage others to stop using and promoting Ubuntu, I feel
discouraged and frustrated, because I need recognition of the work I any
my colleagues have put into it, and I need my work to be successful.
Would you be willing to either engage with us and find a way that Ubuntu
can meet your needs, or find another Distro that is most attuned to your
needs and promote that instead of criticising Ubuntu?"

Another thing you have to learn is to accept that of course people will
not always agree to your requests.  It's really helpful when you're in a
position like an employee of Canonical to never hear any criticism.
Really.  No-one has ever criticized Ubuntu or Canonical.  If someone
says "Unity is a piece of shit" or "Canonical betrays users privacy and
freedom and sells them out to corporates", what they're really saying is
"I have this need when I use my computer which isn't being met, but I
can't clearly express what I mean.  Could you please help me?"

If you follow the advice of not hearing criticism, you will have a much
more pleasant life.

In the end you have to acknowledge that you can't "make" others do what
you want.  That's why it's called nonviolent, because someone trying to
"make" people do what they want is the basis for all (flame- and other)
wars.  If we can empathize with others we can be much more effective in
getting what we want and need that starting (or continuing) a war.

So, Stripey, Tim, Thomi et al., when you write emails to dunlug like the
ones you have recently, I feel frustrated because I need my own work
with free software and freedom issues to be successful in the world, and
so I need colleagues who can help with that.  When you guys spend time
on emails that are trying to help but are ineffective, it contributes to
my frustration.  So would you be willing to take a few hours of your
time to research this NVC stuff and become more effective?

Really.

Alex

_______________________________________________
Openchat mailing list
[email protected]
http://lists.nzoss.org.nz/mailman/listinfo/openchat

_______________________________________________
DunLUG mailing list
[email protected]
http://lists.ethernal.org/listinfo/dunlug
DunLUG Wiki - http://dunlug.kallisti.net.nz/