I Am Homophobic

On heterosexist fear and privilege.



I Am Homophobic
By Dru Oja Jay

In a recent [1]online discussion, students said that homophobia is not a
problem at the liberal arts college in Eastern Canada that I attend. I hear
this often, but hearing it this time made me think about why it isn't true.

Homophobia is generally thought of in surprisingly limited terms. Some take
it only to be overt violence or hostility towards gays and lesbians. Others
include disapproval of gay and lesbian lifestyles or that non-heterosexuals
are deviant -- in short, homophobia as intolerance toward gays and lesbians.

I think of myself as having overcome most of the stereotypes, fears, and
misconceptions that I learned in grade school. I like to think that I would
condemn, or make an effort to change, intolerant ideas that I encounter.
Which is well and good, except that I'm convinced that homophobia goes much
deeper than expressions, subtle or overt, of intolerance of
non-heterosexuals.

I am homophobic (literally, "afraid of non-heterosexuals") to the extent
that I accept the exclusive validity of "traditional" notions of gender, of
masculinity or femininity. I assume, as most people do, that everyone around
me is heterosexual, unless they make it clear that they aren't. By making
this assumption, I expect a uniform range of behaviors from everyone I
encounter. This expectation has everything to do with why life is extremely
difficult for those who are homosexual and for those who's sexual identity
lies somewhere in between. Because it takes a considerable amount of work to
break out of these expectations, only a very small number of people who feel
overwhelmingly that they are homosexual, and simply cannot live normally
otherwise, actually "come out of the closet." The same closet that's built
and maintained by me and by everyone else who assumes and expects
heterosexuality of everyone.

If we assume that sexual identity and gender exist along a spectrum, not in
two uniform, clear-cut groups -- and there is substantial evidence to assume
just that -- then making or enforcing these expectations, while merely
tolerating those who have, through great difficulty, broken out of society's
norms and expectations, is in fact oppressive to everyone who's sexual
identity isn't strictly heterosexual, which is arguably the majority of the
population.

Of course, it has not always been simply a matter of expectation forming
behavior. Often gays, lesbians, and women who refused to marry men are
abused, beaten, tortured, and even killed for their so-called deviance. It
may happen less often today, but it still happens. To frame the issue
another way: if heterosexuality is "natural", one has to wonder why society
needs such an elaborate system of suppressing other tendencies, both through
strict gender roles, religious doctrine, and overt physical oppression?

In short, one can "be okay with homosexuals", but still be homophobic or,
better, still be "heterosexist", a term that covers more completely the
range of discrimination and oppression gays and lesbians face. Like other
forms of oppressive thought and practice, heterosexism secures to
heterosexuals a particular kind of social privilege.

As a heterosexual, or someone who looks and acts heterosexual, a number of
privileges are illegitimately conferred upon me, pretty much everywhere I
go.

  * I am generally perceived as normal, and not a deviant or abnormal.

  * If I want to move to another area, I don't have to worry about whether
    the people there are "tolerant."

  * I can be around small children and people -- even those who normally
    "tolerate" gays -- won't get nervous, worried, or hostile because they
    believe that I will somehow corrupt the kids.

  * I can get into an argument about most anything without people thinking
    that I represent heterosexuals in general.

  * I can criticize my government, its policies and behaviour, without being
    viewed as a special interest group with an agenda.

  * I can write an article like this one, and people won't immediately
    dismiss my point of view as biased, or dismiss me as part of a
    special-interest group, even though I have much less firsthand
    experience with these things than gays and lesbians undoubtedly do.

So what can I do about the injustice I perpetuate? It's hard to let go of
the assumptions I have about sexual identity and gender. A more complete
understanding of these assumptions is necessary and can be gained through
the usual channels (books, classes, discussion). I can refuse to take
advantage of the benefits that I receive simply by seeming heterosexual,
regardless of my other merits or demerits. But that's even harder still.
Reminding others and myself of these issues and writing articles like this
one are places I can start.

A more radical approach would be to make my sexual identity deliberately
unclear, as a kind of political act, in solidarity with those who do not
enjoy the privileges I enjoy. Solidarity of this kind is even harder still
-- making very clear how hard it is to exist outside the strict sexual
identity and gender roles that society demands. A friend and I once wore
skirts for a day, mostly just to be foolish. We were, however, surprised at
the negative, even aggressive reactions of other guys. Many were quite put
off.

It's clear that I have a lot to learn about my own role in perpetuating
heterosexism. It's clear that simply being tolerant or "okay" with
homosexuality is not enough to stop my own heterosexist behavior. I suggest
that in this way I am not at all alone.

 References:
   1. http://argosy.ca/archives/00000004.htm



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Posted on Monkeyfist at http://monkeyfist.com/articles/792