Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Four

> HarryLime wrote:
> 
>> Bruce wrote:
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> DirtNap Dave:
>>> 
>>> Originally known as "Brother Dave," he acquired the name "DirtNap"
>>> after Stinky George sent him to an early grave.
>>> 
>>> Stinky George was a friend of Will's who had recently been evicted
>>> from the trailer he was renting.  Will Donkey solicited for
>>> donations at A.A.P.C. and was sent $50 by one of the group's members.
>>> 
>>> When the money arrived, rather than passing it on to Stinky George,
>>> Will texted Stinky on his Obama phone and invited him out to steak
>>> dinner, along with Brother Dave.  When Stinky found out that the $50
>>> had been intended for him, he flipped out and attacked the Donkey
>>> Brothers with a metal rod.
>>> 
>>> Brother Dave (being smaller) received the worst of the assault,
>>> having been repeatedly bashed in the head.
>>> 
>>> He never fully recovered, and died two years later.*
>>> 
>>> *There is some evidence, however, that Will Donkey may have
>>> contributed to DirtNap Dave's demise, as Will (who was living off of
>>> Dave's Disability check) would stick a lit cigarette in his
>>> invalided brother's mouth every 15 minutes or so.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Another popular bit of folklore involving Brother Dave concerns his
>>> funeral service.
>>> 
>>> Rather than go the traditional route, the Donkey family opted to
>>> perform the ceremony themselves.
>>> 
>>> Brother Dave was cremated (hopefully at an actual crematorium) and
>>> his ashes placed in an empty mayonnaise jar.  The Donkey clan then
>>> gathered on a mountaintop, took turns speaking with a microphone
>>> about Brother Dave, then tossed his ashes off into the wind.
>>> 
>>> According to the folklore Clay Dockery dropped the mayonnaise jar,
>>> spilling the ashes all over the parking lot in the park where the
>>> mountaintop was automobile accessible, and quickly scooped up a
>>> jarful of dirt to take its place.
>>> 
>>> Ellen Horny filmed the event on her ever-present Obama-phone, and
>>> Ducky Mallard captured the highlights via photographs, copies of
>>> which he offered online for $10 a pop.
>>> 
>>> In what is perhaps the most interesting twist on the tale, Sarah
>>> Donkeytits opened a GoFundMe account seeking donations for Brother
>>> Dave's funeral.  Since the Donkeys performed the funeral services
>>> themselves, one wonders what became of the money that she raised.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> The following image depicts the late night attack on the Donkey
>>> Brothers by a "blackout drunk" Stinky George.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Here's what Will Dockery wrote:
>>> 
>>> "A person [George Sulzbach] came up on me with a metal bar of some kind,
>>> and smashed me on the back with it, connecting with my elbow, sending
>>> sparks of pain through my arm. I turned and shoved him, and he tumbled
>>> to the ground, then scuttled into the shadows.
>>> 
>>> "My Brother Dave came charging up at him with a rake, and the maniac
>>> [George Sulzbach] jumped out of the shadows and clocked him right in the
>>> forehead with that metal pipe.
>>> 
>>> "Bip, put a pretty good smash to his forehead, causing some bleeding.
>>> 
>>> "The man [George Sulzbach] ran into his trailer and locked the door,
>>> and, with daylight about an hour in the future, me and my brother just
>>> left, to clean his wound and get some sleep..."
>>> 
>>> If one believes Will Donkey's eye-witness account, this piece of
>>> folklore is based entirely on a real life event.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>> 
>> Sounds like yet another person that wanted the Donkey to take a dirt nap.
> 
> 
> 
> He does seem to have that effect on his friends.



Even Will Donkey's friends want to deep six him. 


This response appears in the discussion at:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=709192247#709192247

-- 
Via JLA Forums web gateway for alt.arts.poetry.comments:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewforum.php?f=655