Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Four

> NancyGene wrote:
> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>>> Bruce wrote:
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>>> DirtNap Dave:
>>>> 
>>>> Originally known as "Brother Dave," he acquired the name "DirtNap"
>>>> after Stinky George sent him to an early grave.
>>>> 
>>>> Stinky George was a friend of Will's who had recently been evicted
>>>> from the trailer he was renting.  Will Donkey solicited for
>>>> donations at A.A.P.C. and was sent $50 by one of the group's members.
>>>> 
>>>> When the money arrived, rather than passing it on to Stinky George,
>>>> Will texted Stinky on his Obama phone and invited him out to steak
>>>> dinner, along with Brother Dave.  When Stinky found out that the $50
>>>> had been intended for him, he flipped out and attacked the Donkey
>>>> Brothers with a metal rod.
>>>> 
>>>> Brother Dave (being smaller) received the worst of the assault,
>>>> having been repeatedly bashed in the head.
>>>> 
>>>> He never fully recovered, and died two years later.*
>>>> 
>>>> *There is some evidence, however, that Will Donkey may have
>>>> contributed to DirtNap Dave's demise, as Will (who was living off of
>>>> Dave's Disability check) would stick a lit cigarette in his
>>>> invalided brother's mouth every 15 minutes or so.
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> Another popular bit of folklore involving Brother Dave concerns his
>>>> funeral service.
>>>> 
>>>> Rather than go the traditional route, the Donkey family opted to
>>>> perform the ceremony themselves.
>>>> 
>>>> Brother Dave was cremated (hopefully at an actual crematorium) and
>>>> his ashes placed in an empty mayonnaise jar.  The Donkey clan then
>>>> gathered on a mountaintop, took turns speaking with a microphone
>>>> about Brother Dave, then tossed his ashes off into the wind.
>>>> 
>>>> According to the folklore Clay Dockery dropped the mayonnaise jar,
>>>> spilling the ashes all over the parking lot in the park where the
>>>> mountaintop was automobile accessible, and quickly scooped up a
>>>> jarful of dirt to take its place.
>>>> 
>>>> Ellen Horny filmed the event on her ever-present Obama-phone, and
>>>> Ducky Mallard captured the highlights via photographs, copies of
>>>> which he offered online for $10 a pop.
>>>> 
>>>> In what is perhaps the most interesting twist on the tale, Sarah
>>>> Donkeytits opened a GoFundMe account seeking donations for Brother
>>>> Dave's funeral.  Since the Donkeys performed the funeral services
>>>> themselves, one wonders what became of the money that she raised.
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> The following image depicts the late night attack on the Donkey
>>>> Brothers by a "blackout drunk" Stinky George.
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> Here's what Will Dockery wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> "A person [George Sulzbach] came up on me with a metal bar of some kind,
>>>> and smashed me on the back with it, connecting with my elbow, sending
>>>> sparks of pain through my arm. I turned and shoved him, and he tumbled
>>>> to the ground, then scuttled into the shadows.
>>>> 
>>>> "My Brother Dave came charging up at him with a rake, and the maniac
>>>> [George Sulzbach] jumped out of the shadows and clocked him right in the
>>>> forehead with that metal pipe.
>>>> 
>>>> "Bip, put a pretty good smash to his forehead, causing some bleeding.
>>>> 
>>>> "The man [George Sulzbach] ran into his trailer and locked the door,
>>>> and, with daylight about an hour in the future, me and my brother just
>>>> left, to clean his wound and get some sleep..."
>>>> 
>>>> If one believes Will Donkey's eye-witness account, this piece of
>>>> folklore is based entirely on a real life event.
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>> 
>>> Sounds like yet another person that wanted the Donkey to take a dirt nap.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> He does seem to have that effect on his friends.
> 
> 
> Even Will Donkey's friends want to deep six him.




With good reason -- assuming that Will had taken the $50 Jim sent to Stinky G and pretended that it had been given to himself. 


This response appears in the discussion at:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=709192247#709192247

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